


Magnus Hugs His Way to the Top of Fantasy NASA and Gets Launched into Space

by blueshine



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Typical Swearing, Family Bonding, Gen, No Angst, Starblaster Family Shenanigans, alcohol use, i had to put up "major character death" just because of the epilogue oh no, i know i said no angst and there's still no angst but the last chapter is a little sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-02-10 10:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueshine/pseuds/blueshine
Summary: The Institute of Planar Research and Exploration campus gets super competitive after hearing seven people are going to be selected to be shot into space. Magnus makes a lot of friends.





	1. Magnus' Orientation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus settles into his new life at IPRE headquarters. He bonds with his roommate Barry and some asshole who sets off explosions in the labs.

The second the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration campus got wind that the executives were sending seven people into space, the employees got antsy. Friendships were severed, people stopped trusting each other--if you wanted to be on the crew, you had to get serious. Every week, the higher-ups would relocate people to different rooms, testing to how certain employees reacted to being cooped up in close quarters. Sometimes, employees would be taken for days to be tested in isolated environments with other candidates. It was one of the most stressful times at IPRE headquarters.

Oh, and it was Magnus Burnsides' first week at the Institute.  

Magnus was part of a program that brought in younger talent to the IPRE. With a research facility filled mostly with wizards and engineers, the actual talent pool of the employees was questionable. Rumors floated around that most of the people in this program were brought in _because_ of the space trip--which would make sense. Magnus was a burly dude, and it would be so helpful to have someone like that on an exploratory trip. The other people in this program followed in the same vein. Two strange choices in particular: a novelist and some dude named Greg who was an elevator mechanic.

People were immediately suspicious and curious about Magnus.

A couple of pilots visited him during his orientation to see if he had what it took to drive one of the ships. He didn't. Some assholes from the amateur wrestling club tried to pick a fight. He won. Magnus tried to pick a fight with some of the other sports teams. He won, but got written up.

Magnus became a legend before he was even out of orientation.

But soon, he was assigned a roommate and a function. Most of his time was spent learning about the IPRE and its research, which wasn't too strange--the IPRE functioned as a school to many of its employees, even more so recently. Management wanted candidates to know as much as they possibly could before launching them into space. Safety protocol. As soon as Magnus was out of orientation, the mythos around him died down and he was seen as a threat. Coworkers would think, _What if he gets picked instead of me?_

Did Magnus care? Not really. Sure, it would be cool if he was launched into space. He could fight aliens! But he didn't feel like trampling over hundreds of other employees to do it. He was also ridiculously young compared to most of the scientists and engineers. Twenty years old. A baby. Elves laughed at him a little. Humans envied him. Dwarves and gnomes were uncomfortable around him--he was a giant to them. Even so, Magnus settled into campus naturally. 

Magnus' first roommate was a quiet middle-aged dude that broke dress code on a regular basis: Sildar Hallwinter.

"But, please, just call me Barry."

Barry "Every day is Casual Friday" Bluejeans was _at least_ twice Magnus' age. Barry was very prepared to be ignored by this kid, but Magnus always asked how his day was going, what he was working on, _hey, what are you doing during free time tomorrow?_  

And, yeah, Barry wasn't expecting that. 

"I'm putting my money on the giant fly trap," Magnus said, shoving his hand into a bag of jellybeans. 

A few weirdos on campus set up underground fights between gross, stupid, or horrible contestants. Engineers would rig motors to scrap metal and ram them together. Wizards would enchant whatever they could get their hands on and let them loose on their coworkers. Magnus had fought a few people in here. Barry watched every show he was able to attend, and put a lot of bets down. They weren't technically allowed to bet money, but this was how Barry got the best lab times. Magnus thought it would be fun to come watch with Barry, but he was being pretty quiet. Dude brought a clipboard and five different colored pens. Tonight's fight: Dwarf Cleric versus a giant venus fly trap.

"Nope. Cleric's going to win," Barry sat back in his chair, very sure of his bet. He bet for the most well-stocked lab in the building closest to the dorms.

Magnus held out his bag of beans, offering them to Barry. "He's tiny, Barry! How's he going to win?" 

"I saw him in the botany lab once. I think plants are his thing." Barry took a handful of jellybeans from Magnus. The crowd watched in awe as the cleric...

Oh. No, no--he was taking off his shirt.

After fifteen minutes of a  _very uncomfortable_ fight, Barry collected his time ticket for the lab. 

"Do you win all of your bets, Barry?"

Barry ticked off a few boxes on his clipboard. "No, not all of them. I have a solid win-loss percentage, though." 

Magnus got right in Barry's face, smiling. "Want to come back here with me next time and show me how you figure it out?" 

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Barry adjusted his glasses and said, "Do you know how to do auto-programming on a Fantasy Exel sheet?

The two spent a lot of time together. Barry usually kept to himself, but Magnus pushed him to hang out. He seemed boring at first glance, but dude was interesting once you got to know him. He could hold a lot of liquor. He always needed one light on in the room. Barry sent a large portion of his paycheck to his retired mother every month. He had a pair of jeans specifically to sleep in. Had a strange fascination of denim. A little too obsessed with dead things. Magnus _swore_   he saw him put a bird corpse in his pocket out in the quad.

People caught wind of their friendship.

_The **jeans guy**? Hanging out with **Magnus**? No way. _

When Barry complained his back was hurting, Magnus bear-hugged him until his back cracked.

_Those two are kind of...weird, right?_

When Magnus got lost in the campus hallway, Barry used tracking spells to find him.

_I can't tell if they're using each other or if they're really friends._

Magnus dead-lifted Barry as a dare and got twenty dollars out of it.

_I don't get it._

Barry took Magnus out for his "first" drink on his 21st birthday.

_This makes Magnus way less cool...right?_

Magnus and Barry became very good friends in a very short span of time.

_Those two? I think they're starting some kind of cult._

_They're trying too hard._

_It's creepy!_

At lunch, Magnus wasn't stopped as much. People stopped asking to arm wrestle him. At open campus sports games, he wasn't picked first anymore.

To Barry's surprise, Magnus didn't seem to care. 

"Why bond sciences?" Magnus asked out of the blue, while he and Barry were carrying a piece of ship equipment to one of the labs that Barry had won during a betting night.

Barry shrugged. "It was a big discovery when I went into school. Lots of jobs in bond research at the time. I, uh, switched my major when they started offering classes on it." 

"What was your major before?"

"Bioengineering." Barry smiled a bit as he said it. "But, well, I needed something that had a guaranteed job at the end. And even though it's coming back into favor, I just. I've spent my life on this, you know? It might be fun to go back to school, but..."

The two passed a couple elves and dwarves in the hall.

Barry sighed. "I just don't have a lot of time."

"Barry, it's not like you're _eighty."_ Magnus frowned.

"I know," He said, a nervous laugh crawling out. "But, shit. Mathematically, given enough teen pregnancies, you could be my  _grandson,_ Magnus. And--going back to study something else would take years off my career." 

"Mid-life crisis, buddy?"

"A little. I know it's silly, but." Barry went silent for a couple moments. Was he embarrassed? "I've put a lot of time into my work and I don't have a lot to show for it? I mean, I'm working on a  _spaceship engine,_ and that's pretty great, but I'm not doing too great in every other part of my life. Feels like something's missing, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that." Magnus grinned, walking faster and pulling Barry with him. "What if we had a party? Like a mixer, or something. _The Get Barry Laid Mixer."_

Barry laughed, shaking his head. "No, it's alright. Like I said, I don't really have time for that?" 

"Your loss." The two turned a corner. The lab Barry rented was sitting at the end of the hall. Magnus grabbed the other side of the equipment out of Barry's hands, so he was carrying it by himself. He insisted it didn't matter, because it was for such a short distance. But as they approached the lab, the sound of an explosion rang from inside. Magnus dropped the equipment and rushed in. 

Inside were lots of different types of machinery. Scales. Lasers. Prototypes of bond engines. Most of them were damaged by the explosion in some way. Dozens of fire safe lab tables littered the room, some holding burners or containers with arcane components. Behind one of the heavy lab tables stood an elf, their face blackened with soot. They took a cloth and wiped it off, revealing a sly sun elf with a crooked smile and a glint in their eye. Looked like they were playing fast and loose with the dress code like Barry was. Without a word, they grabbed a bag from another table and rushed out of the lab. 

"Fucking Tostada...." Barry grumbled, rolling his eyes. He walked to the table that the elf (Tostada?) was working at. He started to clear off the top. Magnus came up to help, and after a minute of cleaning, the two heard the door click open behind them. Magnus and Barry turned to investigate. 

Tostada was back in the room. They had a hand on the open door. They looked at the two with a guilty tint in their eyes. It almost looked like they were trying to exit the lab unnoticed, but they had already left, so that couldn't be it. Tostada let out a mumble of excuses before leaving again. 

Magnus went back to clearing off the table. "Were they trying to apologize?"

"You never know with Tostada. They're just so--ugh, they're  _everywhere,"_ Barry grumbled, "I swear, there's got to be two of them." 

After the two were able to clean the lab, Magnus went back in the hallway to pick up the equipment he dropped in the hall. He gave it over to Barry and left him to his work. Magnus walked back to his dorm room. On his way, he passed a few other labs. More of the same: equipment Magnus didn't understand, people who were either grand wizards or engineers, and just... _so much bullshit._

Man, this place was weird.

Magnus loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really loosely based on a tumblr post I saw, like, two months ago? I wanted to find the post and link it here before I published this, but it was basically a post about the IPRE crew getting chosen for the Starblaster mission because they didn't care about being competitive and they all just hugged each other. If anyone finds it, link me so I can credit it as inspiration? I've literally been searching for a month and I can't find it.   
> Also, like, I wrote this because my other big fic is getting really sad right now? I'm writing IPRE campus shenanigans to lift my spirits. I'll try to update it regularly, but it's mostly going to be updated whenever I update my sad custody angus fic because I NEED HAPPY THINGS IN MY LIFE.


	2. Magnus Does a Punch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus makes a new friend and tries to punch Barry's bully away. Barry gets really, really drunk.

The worst class Magnus ever had to take was interplanar calculus.

Because, really? Is calculus any different in other planes? Why was there a whole class dedicated to this?

He knew he was the dumbest person in the class. Magnus tried to do well in all his other classes, but for interplanar calculus he just tried to pass and survive. He was so out of his element here; Magnus wasn't a mathematician, he was a fighter. Didn't belong here at all. He felt eyes on him every moment in the class. Two specific eyes. Beautiful blue eyes that shined like sapphires.

"What do you want, Greg?" Magnus asked, not making eye contact.

"Give me fifteen dollars and I'll do your homework for you," he answered, lowering his head down on Magnus' desk. Asshole was always trying to make some kind of deal.

"Fuck off, Greg."

"Whatever. Go ahead and fail." Greg turned on his heel and walked over to a student at the other end of the room. "Hey, if you have fifteen dollars....."

"Fuck off, Greg," echoed the student. Magnus wasn't familiar with her, but anybody that hated Greg was good in his book. When Greg realized nobody in the room was playing his game, he left the classroom in a huff. The girl stood from her seat and slid a notebook on Magnus' desk. She sat down across from him, another notebook in hand.

Magnus looked up from his work. "Hey?"

"Yes. Um. Hey." The girl moved some hair behind her ear to reveal a pencil buried in the mass. She took it out, writing something in her notebook. She was about Magnus' age, and he recognized her from orientation; although, he swore he had never heard her voice before. "I'm sorry, I don't usually--I just wanted to ask a few questions."

"Sorry, I don't know anything about calculus either." To prove his point, he held up the quiz that the professor handed out earlier. He got a 45%.

"Not about the work! I'm doing very well in class," she said, turning over one of her quiz papers to show she received a 93%. "I've just...I've heard a few things about you as rumors floating around, and I wanted to confirm them before officially recording them. Primary sources are the most important with these kinds of stories." She smiled.

Magnus thought for a moment, then smiled back. "If I answer your questions, can you help me do these problems in base twelve?"

"Of course." She turned to a fresh page in her notebook and clicked her pen. "Thank you, Magnus."

"And you are...?"

"Lucretia." She held out her hand for Magnus to shake it. He almost crushed her hand trying. "I saw you lift Sildar five feet into the air on hot dog day."

"Sil--you mean Barry? That's what he likes to be called." Magnus watched as Lucretia wrote down everything he said. It looked like she was writing in shorthand. "Uh, how do you read that?"

"I don't. I translate it back into Common when I have free time. This is my field notebook." She opened a backpack, showing five, six...eight journals. "Did you know they have Sil--Barry marked off as one of the finalists for the space exploration?"

"They should, he's really smart! I don't understand any of his work." Magnus opened the notebook Lucretia had slid on his desk earlier. It was full of notes from the class, but written much better than her shorthand. "They're already picking people for the spaceship thing? How do you know this?"

"I think they've narrowed it down to thirty people now." Lucretia pulled out another notebook, one that was clasped shut and classified. She put it back into her bag almost immediately. "I was hired to take notes for the pilot they chose. He's absorbed in his work, and he really needed someone to sort out his information. It's therapeutic work."

"What about me? Am I on the list?"

"They haven't spoken much about you," Lucretia said, eyes to the ground. "You may have to bring up your interplanar calculus grades before they consider you."

"I could do that!"

"Oh, and maybe stop picking fights?"

"Oof." Magnus grit his teeth, and then laughed. "Guess I'm not going into space."

"You've accepted it? Just like that?" Lucretia frowned.

"Maybe not the calculus thing. I could always ask Barry's help. But, uh, look at these puppies." Magnus held out one of his huge, beautiful arms. He flexed. "You can't stop these puppies."

"I thought weapons weren't allowed on campus," Lucretia started, holding back a laugh, "How did you sneak those guns in here?"

The two of them burst out into laughter almost simultaneously. Magnus hit the desk and cracked the veneer on the top. Lucretia asked him a lot of questions about the rumors--most of them turned out to be false, of course--and Magnus understood base twelve a lot better even though Lucretia went off on some tangent about,  _"if we had twelve fingers instead of ten, we'd be doing **all** our math in base twelve..."  _

And, yeah. That was a concept that made Magnus want to barf. 

But he made another friend that wasn't hypercompetitive and mean, so that turned out to be a very good day in his eyes.

* * *

Every Friday night, Magnus and Barry drank cheap beers in a shitty bar two blocks away from the IPRE dorms. Lots of IPRE employees took to this specific bar because of how close it was to campus and how inexpensive the drinks were, even though the wallpaper was peeling and the pool tables wobbled.

Tonight, Barry was getting a little  _too_ drunk.

"C'mon, buddy, let's get you back in bed," Magnus said, in his fourth attempt to get Barry out of the bar, "If you don't leave now, I'm carrying you there."

Barry shrugged him off, frantically writing something down on a napkin. "Can't stop now. 'Lmost got...got it all figured out."

"Got what figured out?"

_"Science."_

Barry held out his napkin proudly. It just had a drawing of circles and lines on it. Wobbly and drunken.

With a sigh, Magnus lifted Barry up over his shoulder, paid the tab, and made his way to the exit. He tried not to trip over a group of dwarves near the middle. Through all the hustle and background noise of the bar, Magnus barely heard a voice ringing out from the seat he and Barry just left.

"Hey, who left bond equations on the table?"

Tostada stood at the bar, Barry's napkin in hand. They looked around, repeating the question several times out into the void. Barry must have heard the call, because he was wrestling out of Magnus' grasp and waddling over to the elf.

"My  _napkin,"_   he managed to get out, grasping for the thing.

"These are  _yours,_ nerdlord?" Tostada blinked, holding the napkin out of Barry's range. "You did this while drunk?"

"Oh,  _thank gods,_ it's the  _good_ Tostada," Barry said, laughing, "I don't know what I'd do if the other one was here."

"Only one of me, homie. How much have you had?" Tostada flipped their hair, and then took a moment to look over the napkin again. 

"Hey, give that back!" Magnus positioned himself behind Tostada, grasping for the napkin. The elf was way too dexterous for him, though, and slipped past Barry towards the door.

"No way, nerdlord made a breakthrough with this!" Tostada gazed at the napkin with the same soft eyes that one would point at a lover. They shoved the napkin under their shirt. "I'm borrowing this."

"That's  _stealing!"_

" _Borrowing,_ meatboy, I'll give it back next week." With a wink, Tostada blew a kiss to the two and ran out, laughing the whole way through. 

"Like hell you will!" Magnus hoisted Barry up onto his shoulders and ran to the entrance of the bar, chasing Tostada out. Magnus was quick enough to catch up to their speed, but the slippery asshole turned on a dime and made their way in an entirely new direction. Every time Magnus caught up, Tostada would turn and bolt back the other way. They let out this sing-song laughter the entire time, as if this was a game of child's tag. Barry, for the most part, was dead in Magnus' arms until all the running made him vomit onto the back of Magnus' shirt. Tostada, of course, used the distraction to get away, hollering out a thanks to Barry (mostly for the equations but also the vomit). 

Magnus, exhausted, walked back into the bar to buy one more shot for himself before carrying Barry back to their dorm.

* * *

At breakfast, Barry was stuck nursing the  _worst_ hangover he'd had in years. 

"I can't believe Tostada took my napkin," he said, grumbling into a cup of coffee, "I don't remember what was  _on_ it, and if it was good enough for them to take...I don't even want to think about what they could do with it."

"Maybe we should tell someone," Magnus added. He swiveled on the cafeteria stool he was sitting on--actually, more of a squat. The stools were built for people much smaller than someone as large as Magnus. Even Barry had a little trouble staying on sometimes. "They don't seem...what do they call it? They don't have a lot of scientific integrity."

"Glad to see you're using those high-point Fantasy Scrabble words." Barry laughed. "They're always kind of like that. Or, at least, half the time? You really never know which Tostada you'll get, their mood swings are horrible."

"I've _noticed."_   Magnus sighed, taking a big gulp of orange juice. In his moment of silence, Barry laid his forehead on the cafeteria table, which Magnus took as a sign to leave him alone. He looked around. Nobody ever came up to him during meals anymore, which would have been disappointing and lonely if Magnus didn't have Barry with him. Lucretia, who continued being curious and nice to him during class, wasn't here either. Thankfully, Greg was out too. Maybe they were at one of the other, nicer cafeterias; but Barry preferred it here, because of the short lines and low volume. There were only a dozen other people in this cafeteria, and Magnus didn't recognize any except--

"Tostada?"

Carrying a tray with twice as much food as a normal person should consume stood Tostada, on their way out. Looked like they were taking their breakfast to their room, but after hearing their name called out they turned on a heel to address Magnus. "That's the name, kid." They looked Magnus up and down. If he didn't know any better, Magnus would swear that Tostada _didn't recognize him._ "You a fan?"

"No, you blew up my friend's lab and made us clean it up." Magnus crossed his arms and put on his most intimidating expression. "And then you stole his napkin equation at the bar."

A glint of recognition appeared in the elf's eyes. "Oh, you were the dude that was with nerdlord! He wrote me up for that explosion."

"Yeah, because it was dangerous?" He huffed. "I haven't passed lab safety yet and even I know you broke at least three rules."

"Hmm, not my problem." Everything Tostada said today was glossed over with a coating of indifference. 

"It is?" Magnus wasn't expecting Tostada to just  _brush him off._ "You, uh. Barry was really upset."

"Who?"

"Barry. Sildar. Whatever the hell you call him," Magnus said, and pointed to the unconscious Barry. 

Tostada snapped their fingers. "Oh, Bluejeans?"

"Fine,  _Bluejeans."_  He rolled his eyes, annoyed at how _loosely_ this asshole was taking this. "He won that lab time fair and square, and you took out twenty minutes of that time with your stunt. And he really needs that napkin back!"

"I don't know anything about a napkin, homie."

"Yes you  _do,_ I saw you take it from the bar and we chased you around for fifteen fucking minutes!" 

They paused briefly, cogs of thought turning in their head. "Oh, right. That was you."

"Who _ELSE WOULD IT BE?"_ As Magnus' voice climbed in volume, the dozen or so people in the cafeteria turned to watch.

Barry's head tilted up from the table. "Magnus, c'mon, let it go--"

"No, Barry, this is--this isn't  _right,_ you're getting  _bullied."_

"I'm not  _bullying_ him, what is this, second grade?" Tostada was actually laughing. What the fuck. Magnus' blood was boiling. 

"Don't--you  _have_ to know what you're doing!" Magnus looked over to Barry, who made wild hand gestures to try and get him to stop. But his gaze fell back on Tostada, who was _still_ laughing. "This isn't funny!"

Instead of giving a response, Tostada laughed harder.

Magnus decked them in the eye.

A few people in the cafeteria started shouting into the halls and calling their friends to come watch. 

"You  _BITCH!"_   Tostada drew a wand from underneath their shirt, cupping the damaged eye with their other hand. "That's the moneymaker!"

"Then stop picking on Barry! Give him his fucking napkin back, and get out of his labs!" 

Barry ran up to Magnus, and pulled hard on his arm. "Magnus, stop! That's enough! They're going to blast you!" 

"Too late, Bluejeans, I'm blasting meatboy's ass off  _now_ unless the both of you get the  _fuck_ out of my line of sight within the next  _ten_ seconds." Tostada pointed the wand at Magnus' gut. "Ten--"

"Tostada, come on, this isn't--"

"Nine--"

" _You know I can just punch you again, right--"_

"Eight--" 

"I'm not moving until you apologize!"

"Seven--"

"Magnus, get the hell out of the way, I think they're channeling a level six spell--"

"Six--"

"Barry,  _let go,_ I think I can get another hit in before they finish--"

_"Enough!"_

A gnome man stood in the doorway, accompanied by a few higher-ups and Lucretia. She had her eyes fixed on Magnus, and made a few gestures signaling him to  _cut it out._ Both Barry and Tostada corrected their posture when the ensemble walked through, muttering a few apologies under their breath. Magnus stood firm. Tostada lowered their wand. 

"The three of you have a  _lot_ of explaining to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone!   
> Thanks for your comments and support for this, I wasn't expecting ya'll to like it so much. Either way, thanks, and I hope you're ready for those good found family shenanigans.


	3. Magnus in Kitchen Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus works in the kitchen and gets a new tutor.

Because of the cafeteria incident, Magnus and Tostada were stuck doing kitchen duty together. Three times a week, they took over the slow shift in a detached cafeteria that connected to the ship hangars. The only employees that came to eat there were pilots and engineers. This was...not good, since Magnus had picked a fight with at least four pilots before. The pilots seemed to hold a similar distaste for Tostada, which served as a small comfort--Magnus wasn't the only one hated here.

Barry warned him that Tostada had two modes. Magnus only saw the part of Tostada that wanted to blast his ass into the moon with a fully charged magic missile. Barry swore up and down that there was a second mode that was slightly more tolerable (causing Magnus to wonder if Barry had some kind of crush on _half_ of a person), but if they existed Magnus never met them.

Ever since the fight, Tostada wore a bedazzled eyepatch to cover their shiner.

As a peace offering, Magnus offered to help take care of the black eye. Tostada told him to fuck off.

Turns out they were _really good_ at holding a grudge.

So he was stuck with a silent Tostada on cooking duty.

Or he would be, if Tostada would _let_ him cook. In reality, Magnus was a glorified dishwasher. Bowls, utensils, cutting boards--didn't matter what it was, but Tostada was constantly dipping things in Magnus' dishwater. He didn't get help washing or drying any of it. Sometimes, he would take five minutes to wash and dry a sifter with the greatest care he could manage, only to have it be plucked out of his hands seconds later, watch it be used for four seconds, and dropped back into the sink. The worst part was that he couldn't even complain; he only had to eat one of Tostada's meals to concede power to the elf.

Another thing? Tostada was a big eater. After all of their shifts, Tostada would fill a cafeteria tray with twice the amount of food a normal elf should have and slunk back off in the direction of the dorms. Never ate with anyone else--just took all their meals into their room. When Magnus offered to eat together (another peace offering, nobody could blame Magnus for not trying) Tostada pretended not to hear him.

The most entertaining part about working with Tostada were the visitors. At least once per shift, a supervisor would run into the kitchen, lock eyes with Tostada, and leave the place cursing. Some of them would sputter out something like, "Bu-bu-but you were _just_ in the evocation building!"

Tostada would just flash a smile at them, answering, "I know, I'm a busy elf," and then fiddled with one of their earrings. A pretty one in particular that caught the light in just the right way. A solid piece of rounded gold with some Elvish word engraved along the edge. Made their ear dip slightly from the weight. It wasn't in a pair, but it was shiny and when Magnus touched it he was slapped in the face.

Magnus and Tostada were about to leave one of their busier shifts when Lucretia and that gnome from before walked through the kitchen doors. Oh, shoot, what was his name? Lucretia said he was important, what was his--

"Captain Davenport, Mister Burnsides," the gnome answered once he noticed Magnus' confusion, "I have been selected to pilot the ship that will show us what's beyond our planar system."

"Oh, sweet. You going to punch any aliens?"

The captain, thrown off from the gobsmackingly _casual_ way that Magnus addressed him. "Wh--no, that's not--"

"You're going to _kiss_ the aliens?" Magnus brought a hand up to his chin, and then snapped his fingers. "No, wait, don't answer. I understand. I'd kiss an alien."

"That's really not what we do at--"

Tostada cut in, nodding their head thoughtfully. "You're not thinking big enough. I'd _fuck_ an alien."

Magnus knit his brow, thoroughly considering the option. "How would you fuck an alien?"

"Suck its dick."

Lucretia raised her hand, speaking in perfect monotone. "What if the alien doesn't have a dick?"

Tostada checked their nails. "I can get creative."

Magnus shrugged. "Maybe the aliens have something that's dick-adjacent?"

Captain Davenport waved his arms, as if he was trying to cut through the conversation. "I can't believe I have to say this, but _nobody on the mission_   is going to have _romantic relations_   with _extraterrestrial life!"_

Tostada covered their mouth, trying to hide the shit-eating grin behind it. "Nothing about me sucking E.T.'s dick in the cargo hold is going to be romantic, Capp'n."

"Don't call me--"

Magnus grinned, bouncing on his heels. "Oooh, no, what about Capp'nport? That's a way better name!"

Lucretia giggled as she wrote down a few notes. Davenport pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, that is _not_ a better--Lucretia, don't you dare write that down--"

"You're right, Mangus. I'll take it." Tostada held up a hand for a high five, face still indifferent.

"It's Magnus," he said, but took the high five with enthusiasm.

"Same difference."

"Well," Davenport said, glaring at the two. "I'm glad to see you two have reconciled after your...disagreement."

"Not entirely." Magnus crossed his arms, glaring at Tostada. "I still need Barry's napkin back."

"My man, I have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

"You're doing this on purpose!" Magnus stepped closer to Tostada. "You can't just _pretend_ you didn't steal Barry's work!"

Lucretia held her notebook to her nose, her voice high and hissing. "Magnus--"

"I'm not--I'm not going to punch them again, I just want _the napkin."_

"And I'm serious, I don't know what you're talking about!" Tostada fiddled with their earring, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"You're talking about this?" Davenport held up a faded white napkin covered in drunken scribbles and shapes. Tostada looked at it with confused eyes, and Magnus had to stop himself from diving to take it. "Tostada, you gave this over to the head of engineering two weeks ago on Mister Hallwinter's behalf. Does that ring any bells?"

Tostada blinked, and then nodded. "Oh. Yeah, yeah, that was...that was me."

Magnus gawked at the elf, jaw dropped. "You don't _remember?"_

"Tostada has memory problems." Davenport slid the napkin back into his jacket. "Tostada is also one of our most accomplished wizards."

"And that gives them an excuse to be an asshole?" Magnus asked, rolling his eyes.

"It _doesn't,_ which is why Tostada has been written up for multiple infractions and is under numerous watches."

"Makes it real hard to have some of that sweet Tostada time," Tostada said, pulling on that same earring, "Which, by the way, I'm all good. You can take me off of some of those lists now."

Davenport dragged his hands over his face, exhausted. "You threatened to hit Mister Burnsides in the face with _magic."_

"And he hit me in the face with fists, how's that any different?" They flicked at their eyepatch, drawing attention to it. 

"It's--let's not--why do all of you have to be so difficult?" Davenport looked like he needed a drink. Or seven. "I would be willing to pull a few strings to take away some of your restrictions if you did something to benefit the Institute."

"Like what?"

Davenport turned to address Magnus. "Mister Burnsides, your Elvish class is overbooked, isn't it?" He smiled, and a look of horror dawned on Tostada and Magnus' faces as they realized what was about to happen. "It would take a lot of stress off of his professor if he was given a private tutor instead. Of course, I would make sure you were still able to receive proper credits, and you would need to sit in for exams..."

"You're still taking _classes?"_ Tostada asked, laughter bubbling up in their voice.

"I haven't been here long!" Magnus shrank, embarrassed. "And I'm not--I didn't go to college or anything."

"Holy  _shit,_ man, that's--" Tostada started, but after receiving a particularly disapproving glare from Davenport, they changed course. "I'm not much of a teacher."

"At least try it." Davenport turned to leave the kitchen, Lucretia following him. "And...if you both do well, I'll also take you off of kitchen duty."

"Consider it done!" Magnus said, flashing a fake plastic grin at Tostada. "When's the first lesson, _professor_ _?"_

"Well, _dear pupil_ _,_ I have a free hour at five on weekdays."

"Sounds great,  _teach."_

"I'll pencil you in,  _grasshopper._ _"_

"Meet me on the quad at five tomorrow,  _master."_

"I fear for those two," Davenport said under his breath as he walked out of the kitchen. Lucretia giggled into her notes as she followed.

* * *

"I heard they're switching roommates around next week," Barry said, lying awake in bed. 

"Oh." Magnus laid awake in his bed, too. Neither of them were able to sleep; Magnus wasn't too thrilled about his new private Elvish tutor, and Barry had just been...off all day. "What kind of person do you think you'll be bunked in with?"

Barry sighed and sat up. "They told me I'm on a shortlist for the mission. They're bunking me with someone else from the shortlist."

"That's good!"

"No, that's _bad."_  Barry reached over to grab his glasses, placing them back on his face. No sleep tonight. "I haven't had that much success with roommates in the past. You've been the first one that's been nice. I don't feel hunted in my own room."

"Hunted?" Magnus sat up, leaning over his bedside table to look Barry in the eyes. 

"The napkin thing wasn't the first time I had equations stolen," he said, a nervous tilt in his voice. "Although, uh. I heard the napkin somehow got to Captain Davenport, and it was part of the reason I'm on the list now, so..."

Magnus didn't feel like giving Tostada that credit, and didn't bring it up. "If you go into space, can you kiss one of the aliens for me?"

"Do it yourself," Barry said, chuckling. "Not too late for you to get chosen."

"There's no way I'd be chosen for the mission. I'm not even on the shortlist. My interplanar calculus grades are...uh, not good? And I 'get in too many fights,' according to Lucretia." 

"Lu-who?"

"This girl in my calculus class that works for Captain Davenport."

"You _know someone_ who works for the _captain?"_   Barry smiled. "Magnus, that's...good. Connections are important for these sorts of things."

Magnus drummed his fingers on the bedside table. "Yeah, but I'm not really fit for engineering."

"I heard they need a fighter on the team and they're getting desperate looking for any." 

"So they _do_ need people to punch aliens?" He gasped. 

"Well, I mean--think about it," Barry said, "most of the people on the shortlist are wizards, or sorcerers, or some kind of scientist. Not traditionally hardy people. Not saying everyone's weak, but it would be beneficial to have someone with a different set of skills in an emergency."

_"Huh."_

"You can punch really good."

"Thanks."

The two fell into a lapse of silence. Magnus kept his eyes to the floor as Barry studied his expression. Magnus hadn't really  _thought_ he could go on the mission--getting to the IPRE was his big accomplishment. He didn't feel like he needed to go farther. It didn't seem like it was a job full of action, either--sure, being on a spaceship sounded cool. He wouldn't have many chances to _leave_ the ship, though, and less chances of kissing aliens. It would probably just be a circle of people smarter than him doing a lot of math and magic. 

"Magnus?"

"Yeah?"

"Just--I don't know. Think about it?"

"Sure." Magnus settled back into the sheets of his bed. "G'night, Barry."

"Mhmm."

The sound of glasses being set back on the bedside table and sheets moving put Magnus back into a state of exhaustion. His hands were dry and cracked from all of the dish washing he did that day. His brain was scrambled from working through calculus in base twelve. He still hadn't passed lab safety. If Barry didn't pull him back from his shitty decisions, he would have lost all of his bets in the campus fighting ring. He remembered what Barry said a few short weeks ago--he didn't have a lot of time. No human did. Magnus still didn't know exactly what he was going to do with the rest of his life. Something actionable. Something that let him protect the weak. He remembered the dog he saved when he was a kid--oh, he'd like to do something with dogs. 

Maybe going into space would be cool, he thought. Just to say that he could. 

He'd ask Lucretia about it again later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had too much fun on the dialogue of this one.  
> Next time, Magnus meets his new roommate......someone with a lot of party points.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Magnus' New Roommate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus' friend group branches out. Bonds are formed.

Moving day. A good chunk of people in the Institute walked through the halls of the dorms, carting their things to new rooms. Shouting and crying echoed around, people sad to leave their old roommates and shocked to see their new ones (or, in some cases, the other way round). Despite the reassignments, Magnus was able to stay in his original room. He waited by the door, leg bouncing, eager and nervous to meet his new roommate. Barry had left that morning after receiving a bone-crushing bear hug from Magnus. Worryingly, Barry's new room number was the same as Greg Grimaldis' old one. Magnus could only hope that Greg was moved out of that room.

The thought of Greg being chosen for the mission was far-fetched, anyway.

Magnus really wanted to visit Barry, but he was still waiting for his roommate to come in. Didn't want to start this off with a bad first impression. He could see Barry after the new guy settled in--the Institute didn't give explicit details, but apparently his name was Merle Highchurch. _Now that's a goddamned name._

Not that--not that Barry didn't have a good name. Hallwinter was pretty badass, but Tostada's dopey nickname was catching on. So everyone called him Barry Bluejeans now. Great.

Even if Merle Highchurch was a badass fantasy name, he was still terribly late. There wasn't a specific time deadline to move in, but everyone was supposed to have moved _out_ by noon--what was he doing in between noon and five that was so important? Was he carrying all his luggage around the Institute? Guy must be pretty strong.

Magnus decided he had been waiting long enough. He wanted to go eat dinner with Barry. He opened the door with a single push, and--

"Hey, hey, _hey!"_

The force of Magnus' door push toppled over a ficus as tall as he was. Shards of ceramic pot and dirt were spilled out all over the hallway now. Who would put a ficus right outside his door? Magnus turned his eyes to the rest of the hall. Dozens more potted plants littered the hallway, some large, some small, some hanging, and all immaculately taken care of. A dwarven man stood with a potted cactus in his arms, setting it down by the wall.

"I've been tryin' to move this shit for _hours_ with _no help,_ and you come bumbling along and topple over Sharon??"

"Sharon?" Magnus asked.

The dwarf simply gestured, palms up, to the toppled ficus.

"Oh, uh, sorry. It was right in front of the door." Magnus knelt down, starting to pick up the pieces. "Aren't you the--oh, no. You're the guy that tried to fuck the venus fly trap!"

The dwarf's eyes widened. Something wild glimmered in them. "Tried? Screw you, I _succeeded."_

"You can't legally fuck a plant if you can't get the plant to say yes." Damn, why were all of Magnus' conversations turning into the ethics of fucking things that probably shouldn't be fucked?

"It's consensual!"

Magnus scratched his head. "How do you get sexual consent from a plant?"

Again, the dwarf answered in only a gesture. He pointed to his holy symbol. This would have worked if Magnus didn't fail his religion check so hard that he forgot what a demigod was.

"That's, uh..."

"Cleric of Pan?" The dwarf raised a brow, reading Magnus' blank expression. His eyes lit up, and he pulled a book out of his pile of things. "You don't know of him? Allow me--"

Magnus shook his head, standing up as straight as possible. "No, no, uh--I punch more than I pray, sir."

"It's Merle."

"Highchurch?"

"Hightower, yeah." Merle said, holding his hand out to shake.

Shit, was Hightower really his last name, or was this guy so soupheaded that he forgot his own fucking name? Magnus took his hand--which was so tiny compared to Magnus', he could probably fit at least six more dwarf hands in his grip. After a more formal introduction, the two started carting plants into the dorm room.

"It'll be nice to have some green in the room," Magnus said, hauling an adolescent palm tree into the corner next to Merle's bed. "Are you a botanist or a cleric?"

"Can't I be both?" Merle set a few orchids by the window. He caressed the petals of one that was less vibrant than the others, then took scissors and snipped off a patch of dead leaves. "Life takes us to strange places, kid. Might as well follow where it leads, 'cause it ends up better than what you could have ever thought."

Strange words coming from a guy that had just bragged about having sex with plants.

Something about it reminded Magnus of Barry's advice.

"Are you all settled in?"

"The plants are all in, but I've got to unpack." Merle swung a bag onto his bed. "Why, you got a date?"

Magnus looked to the floor. "I miss my old roommate, that's all."

"Oh." For a moment, Merle looked...like he just got rejected? He went back to normal quick enough, waving a hand through the air. "Well, don't let me stop you. You don't need me breathin' over your neck while you catch up."

"As if you could reach my neck." Magnus laughed, his hand on the door frame. "Thanks, Merle. We'll be in the west cafeteria, if you want to join up later."

"Nah, I'll be here with my babies," Merle said, "They're probably shaken from the move. And the door that killed Sharon."

"Sorry again." Magnus smiled guiltily, backing out of the door. "See you later!"

Before he could hear Merle's goodbye, Magnus was halfway down the hall. Merle wasn't horrible--in fact, he was pretty entertaining from the few minutes Magnus spoke to him--but damn, he spent a lot of time with Barry. There was something there, like...a link, or a connection, some kind of attachment between him and Barry--

A bond?

Magnus skid across the tile floor, stopping right at Barry's new door. He couldn't just walk in like he was used to, and instead opted to politely (or as politely as Magnus' clumsy hands could manage) knock on the door. It flew open almost immediately, Barry's face lighting up once he saw who had knocked.

"Magnus?"

"Barry!" Magnus wasted no time scooping him up in a hug. "I missed you!"

"It's only--it's only been an afternoon, Magnus." Barry was smiling, sheepishly adjusting his glasses. "Uh, but I get it--I've missed you too. It's going to be hard getting to sleep tonight. What's your roommate like?"

"You'll never guess--it's the guy that fucked the venus fly trap!"

"No way," Barry said, chuckling.

"His name's Merle. The room's all full of plants now. He seems nice." Magnus kicked at the ground, leaning on the doorframe. "How's your new roommate, Barry?"

A pair of gangly arms wrapped around Barry from behind, and a familiar face popped out from behind his head. They fiddled with a golden earring as they spoke. "Perfect, thanks for asking!"

"Tostada?"

"The one and only!" They grinned madly, digging their chin into Barry's shoulder.

_"The good one,"_  Barry mouthed, smiling like an idiot.

_"For **now** ," _ Magnus mouthed back once Tostada was looking away. He rolled his eyes.

Tostada let go of Barry, plopping down on their bed. Their shit was sprawled all around, unlike Barry's stuff, which was only half unpacked. Tostada had the usual wizard gear up in here: wands, components, and various tomes. But stranger things were sprawled around: cooking ware, fishing rods, a goddamned _violin--_ how many hobbies was this elf able to keep track of? Guess they had enough time in their life to try things out.

Barry went back to his things, letting Magnus inside as he unpacked a little. Magnus helped as best he could. He noticed glares and glances from Tostada, and after enough time he turned to address them. "Tostada, are you going to be nice to Barry?"

They laughed, something shrill and off-guard. "Yeah, _apparently_   we're both on the fast track to getting shot into space, sooooo...if I fuck things up with nerdlord, I'll be in trouble." Tostada gestured to Barry's side of the room. "And he's better than _Greg fucking Grimaldis."_

Magnus huffed. "Anyone's better than Greg."

" _You_ hate Greg, too?" Something lit up in Tostada's eyes.

"Find me someone that doesn't," Barry said, cutting in. "He's the _worst_ down at the betting ring."

"He better not be using _my_ money down there." Tostada kicked something underneath their bed.

Magnus blinked. "Your money?"

"He _stole_ my fifteen dollars," Tostada said, flat and blunt.

Barry shot a sympathetic look towards Tostada. "Greg bets in fifteen dollar amounts all the time, but he's probably spent your money already."

"That's the _point_." They knelt on the floor, rearranging a few things under the bed. Magnus took a peek, and there was a _lot_ of junk under there. "I had a magic fifteen dollar bill that...uh, it duplicated. Over and over again. Infinite money--I, uh, grew up on the road and it helped a lot."

" _Holy shit."_  Barry held back the urge to ask about the intricacies of the bill, but couldn't hold back a smile. His eyes shifted down to Tosada's bed. "Did you--Tostada, is there a _pocket dimension_ underneath your bed?"

"Maybe." A smile and a shrug. "You got a problem with that, Bluejeans?"

Barry ran over to Tostada's bed, despite their protests. "No, it's impressive. I wonder if--could you outfit the ship's cargo with something like that?"

Tostada tilted their head. "They're not already outfitting the ship with them?"

"I don't think they are."

"Those engineers have their heads so far up their asses. Why can't they just--fucking, call me, or something?" Tostada pulled a blanket to cover the underside of their bed. "Oh, and just for your information? If you touch my pocket dimension, you're dead."

"N-noted."

Magnus frowned. "Be nice, Tostada!" 

Tostada picked at their eyepatch. "Could say the same to you, hombre." Their shoulders stiffened as they played with their earring. "I don't remember what homework I gave you, but uh. You're still doing...Elvish, right?"

"Right." It was strange, how Magnus and Tostada would have tutoring sessions one day, only for the elf to forget their lesson plans the next. Sometimes they were a good teacher, sometimes they were impatient and fidgety. Either way, it did help to learn Elvish one-on-one. Magnus wasn't good at languages. 

After some more unpacking, Barry put on his shoes. "Do you want to go get some food?"

"Yeah!" Magnus followed behind Barry like a puppy, smiling and bouncing. "I hope they're serving meatloaf!"

"The cafeteria meatloaf is  _disgusting,_ are you a barbarian?" Tostada asked, scoffing.

Magnus and Barry blurted out two wildly different things at the same time.

"Nobody asked, Tostada." 

"Did you want to come with us?"

Magnus wanted, so badly, to ask why the  _fuck_  Barry wanted to invite Tostada along. But no. He'd ask when they were alone. He wasn't  _that_ rude.

Tostada waved a hand in the air. "No, not if you paid me. I eat alone. Here. On the bed. I have the weirdest eating face, nobody wants to see that."

Barry nodded, and walked out towards the cafeteria with Magnus. They got about ten feet away from the room when Magnus asked, "Why'd you invite Tostada if they're so mean to you?"

"Well, we weren't best friends on the first day, remember? I've--I mean, I've got to at least  _try."_

"You only invited them 'cause it was the good Tostada." 

"That has nothing to do with it. I heard--Tostada gave the napkin to the engineering department. So. Obviously they can't be all bad, you know? I should make an effort, at the very least." Barry stopped walking, frowning at Magnus. "That goes for you and the cleric, too. I know you miss me, and I feel the same, but. You can have other friends, you know."

"Yeah."

"Did you invite him to dinner?"

"I did, but he didn't seem totally into it." 

"You should go ask again." Barry shrugged. "Just in case. I'll meet you there!"

Just as Magnus was about to leave, a voice called out from the end of the hall. "Hey, nerds! Wait up!" 

"You made it!" Barry looked surprised. He whispered to Magnus, " _See? Good one's still here."_

Tostada flipped their hair, their earring almost slipping out of the hole in the process. "I had a conversation with my bed, and it said it was tired of me eating food all over it. So I'm giving it a break for the night. And you all need someone to tell you why the meatloaf tastes like shit." 

Magnus sighed. "I--please tell me you're joking. About the bed?"

The elf just laughed, hands on their hips and a celebrity's smile. "Just personification. You know what that is, right? A writing technique. I'll tell you how to do it correctly in Elvish if you let me have your dessert." 

"Deal." A faint smile drew on his lips. "I'm gonna go get Merle. I'll meet the two of you there!"

The two waved Magnus away. It didn't take him long to get back to his dorm. It didn't take much convincing for Merle to come along. When they got to the cafeteria, Barry and Merle started chatting about some magic that Magnus didn't understand. Tostada, as promised, stole Magnus' muffin and proceeded to go on a bilingual rant about personification. The four of them spoke in a rhythm, a pattern, and their conversation came easier than breathing. The whole thing felt...strange. Magnus was good friends with Barry, he already knew that--but even though Tostada was an ass and he had just met Merle, he felt the same connection tugging between him and the two of them as well. It was faint. Definitely. But there was an attachment. It was there. It existed. And, maybe, the longer he stayed, the stronger this would be. This? What was it?

A bond. 

That's all it could have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading!


	5. Magnus' Social Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has some fun with friends.

Friday nights changed when Barry and Magnus got new roommates.

They didn't stop going to the shitty bar two blocks away from campus. But Greg Grimmaldis and Tostada kept scheduling duels in the betting ring on Fridays, and Barry and Magnus would be stupid to miss Greg getting his ass kicked. Barry brought his clipboards and spreadsheets, Magnus would eat at least fifty jellybeans, and Merle would lose all his bets. They would stay for the rest of the fights, too, and then head to the bar afterwards--now with Merle and Tostada in tow.

Magnus held out his bag of jellybeans to Barry. "If Tostada keeps winning, why hasn't Greg given them their fifteen dollars back?"

Barry took a few, not looking up from his clipboard. "Greg bet them that they wouldn't get picked for the mission. They're using that specific bill for that bet."

"Huh," Magnus said, turning to Merle, who had sat down with a betting ticket. "Are you betting with _real_ money?"

Merle raised a finger to his lips and winked. "Don't tell anyone."

"I didn't even know you were allowed to do that!" Jellybeans fell out of Magnus' mouth as he spoke.

"You aren't," Merle said, chuckling. "I'm just good friends with the coordinators."

Barry finally looked up from his notes. "I thought only Greg broke the 'no money' rule."

"That's only 'cause he's got the wonder bill," Merle said. "And I'm pretty sure a bunch of the assholes from the amateur wrestling team bets money, too. They like gambling."

Magnus frowned, eyebrows knitting together. "How many people are breaking the 'no money' rule?"

"I break it all the time," said a voice from behind. Lucretia sat herself down next to Merle, a betting ticket in her hands and a sheepish smile across her face. She set a brown paper bag square in her lap, nice and proper. "Is it alright if I join you three?"

"Not at all!" Magnus shoved his bag of beans over Merle's head, right in Lucretia's face. "Jellybeans?"

Lucretia shook her head, moved the bag away, and shook the paper bag in her lap. "I'm alright, I brought pgorp."

"Pgorp?" Magnus asked.

"That's what I call gorp. Trail mix. You know." She opened the bag, showing its contents--filled to the brim with trail mix. Her expression stayed neutral as pretzels and bits of granola fell out onto her lap. "Would you like any?"

Magnus' nose crunched up. "Are there raisins in it?"

"No," she said, blank-faced. "Pistachios."

"Must take a while to de-shell those things," Merle said.

"I leave the shells on." Lucretia ate a shelled pistachio right in front of them, the crack echoing through the room. "Love the crunch."

"Oh sweet, shelled pistachios!" A familiar elf--in fact, the one that was _supposed_ to be fighting Greg down in the pit--hurdled over the seat next to Lucretia, took a handful of pgorp, and shoved it in their mouth.

"Tostada?!" Magnus looked between the Tostada in the seat and the Tostada fighting Greg down in the pit. Yeah, sure enough, Tostada was _still_ fighting Greg, but also somehow _sitting next to Lucretia?_ "Aren't you--"

"Down there?" They plastered on a mischievous grin and flicked their earring. "No, I cast Mislead. I wanna see how long it takes Greg to figure out."

Magnus' eyes went down to the illusion of Tostada that was fighting Greg. Greg didn't cast any magic, and could probably take Tostada in a barehanded physical fight, but Tostada didn't let him get up close. They pummeled him with fireballs and taunts. The eyepatch was long gone, discarded the moment their eye had healed. Their hair was made up in a ponytail, out of the way so that they could kick the shit out of Greg. Must have been an advanced illusion, because it seemed so _real._

And the Tostada sitting in the audience--well, they seemed equally real, content to chomp down on Lucretia's extra crunchy pgorp. Magnus didn't know a whole lot about magic, so he shrugged and chewed on another handful of jellybeans. Barry looked skeptical, but went back to writing his notes in silence. They ended up having a pretty good time at the fight--Magnus and Lucretia mixed their snacks together, Barry tried to help Merle increase his win ratio, and Tostada was cheering as their illusion beat down Greg. Lucretia and Merle won their bets as Greg was pushed across the safety line--and immediately after, fighter Tostada waved up to the rest of the group. Audience Tostada poofed out of existence. Everyone lost their breath (except Barry, who later claimed he "called it"), looking to each other in confusion.

"Oh. They cast Mislead on _us,"_   Merle said, and the rest made vague noises of recognition.

"Yeah, 'cause you're all gullible as shit." Tostada came up from the pit and smiled as they approached the group. "Should'a seen the looks on your faces!"

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Did you want to stay for more fights, or did you want to get plastered?"

"Plastered," Tostada answered, and then looked to Lucretia. "Oh. Don't tell the Captain I said that."

"I'm off duty, I don't care," she said with a huff, "And I _also_ want to get plastered--I'm going back to my room. See you later?"

Before she could leave, Barry sputtered out a question. "This--this is a dry campus, Lucretia, did you _smuggle_ booze into your room?"

Wordlessly, Lucretia took out a flask from the inside of her cloak and threw it back. She did this with the most natural and even expression, as if she was just going to the bank. The rest of the group unanimously and enthusiastically invited her to the bar with them. She outdrank Tostada and passed out in Barry's arms, who was already passed out in Magnus' arms. Merle, with his dwarven tolerance for alcohol, was the only other one not completely shitfaced. He and Magnus took about an hour figuring out how to get the other three back to the dorms, and even more hours after that to figure out where the _fuck_ Lucretia lived.

And she wasn't kidding about stashing drinks in her room.

Lucretia became a _wonderful_ addition to their Friday night excursions.

* * *

"Alright, Margo, on the count of three--"

"Are we doing it on one, or on go?"

Magnus sat on the floor of his and Merle's room, with Tostada draped on one of the desks. They had a basket of baked goods, but told Magnus he could only have some if he managed to catch one in his mouth from the other end of the room. Merle had already stolen two, and sat tending to a sick hydrangea near the door. From his month of living with Magnus, he managed to stuff their entire dorm floor to ceiling with plants all over the world. This was normal, now--Magnus could be found with at least one of his new friends at any given time, in any combination. Because of their schedules, Magnus and Merle and Tostada ended up together a lot, usually after Magnus' Elvish lessons. Somehow, this evolved into Merle teaching Tostada  _dwarvish,_ and if Magnus knew any other languages they could have made the whole thing a language round robin. Instead, Magnus taught Merle arm wrestling. On days like these, though, the three were just goofing off.

"On ONE, dumbass, or else it would be on the count of four!" Tostada grabbed one of the pastries and went in position to throw it. "You doing this or not?"

Merle called out from his corner of hydrangeas, "If it's on the count of four, you could still do it on _go."_

Tostada lowered the pastry, pouting at Merle. "Then that'd be on the count of _five,_ old man!"

"But you could still say go on the count of five--"

"SHUT UP, not important. You're boring me." Tostada got back into throwing position, tongue stuck out in concentration. "Mango, count of three."

Magnus nodded. "Okay."

"Three--"

A knock fell on the door.

Merle left his hydrangea corner. "Someone's knocking at the--"

"TWO--"

Merle waddled in the direction of the knock. "Coming!"

_"ONE--"_

Merle threw open the door, which let out a sharp _thunk_ that echoed through the room. Tostada panicked and missed their shot--the pastry sailed over Magnus' head in an arc. Luckily, it was going towards the floor of the doorframe. Unluckily, the person behind the door was _very_ short. The pastry hit Captain Davenport right between the eyes, jelly leaking out onto his face.

 _"Shit,"_ Magnus hissed out.

"I got it." Merle grabbed a cloth and wet it with magic, wiping off Davenport's face carefully. "Sorry, Captain."

"It's--fine." Davenport took the cloth, wiping off the rest by himself. He stared at the scene laid in front of him: Tostada arranged on a desk as if it were a chaise lounge, Magnus kneeled down on the floor (and somehow still twice his height), and Merle nervously moving his eyes between everyone in the room. Davenport straightened his posture, trying to look official. "Tostada, were you throwing pastries at Magnus?"

Magnus stood up, babbling on before Tostada could answer. "We were just trying to see if I could catch them in my mouth."

"He can't, by the way." Tostada went back to looking uninterested.

"Because your aim was off and we were interrupted!" Magnus huffed.

"They're not fighting, I swear," Merle said, "I saw the whole thing. Just playin' around."

"Good." Davenport handed the cloth back to Merle, eyeing the other two. "It's nice to see the three of you on good terms."

Magnus posed, grinning madly. "Yeah, Capp'n, we're the Thrifty Three!"

Tostada crossed their arms. "I hate that name."

"What kind of name would _you_ want?" Magnus asked, exasperated.

A grin spread across the elf's face, eyebrow raised and head tilted over. "Somethin' with the word _horny_ in it, probably."

"Gross!" Merle shouted out, followed by a mock gagging noise.

Davenport coughed. "Well, if the three of you weren't fighting, I should get on with the good news."

The three swiveled their heads in his direction, intensely focused, like dogs that heard the promise of a treat.

"I was here to let you all know that we've narrowed our options for the planar exploration mission down to twenty candidates," he said, bringing out a set of envelopes from his coat, "So now we're passing out official statements and conducting official interviews." Davenport handed an envelope to Merle, and then crossed the room to give a second one to Tostada.

Magnus clapped his hands, beaming. "Hey, you two, congratulations!"

Davenport handed a third envelope to Magnus. "You too."

"Wh--" Magnus dropped the envelope. He went to pick it back up, babbling through his words. "I'm not a scientist?"

"We need a security officer." Davenport smiled, the edges of his eyes crinkling happily. "Lucretia mentioned you in a meeting, and your interplanar calculus grades have gone up considerably since you came here. You seemed like a good candidate."

"I'm still close to failing."

"We're more concerned with improvement in your work than anything else. Everyone else on the ship will know calculus. We really need someone with muscle on the ship." True, wizards weren't known for their defense. Magnus could take a lot of hits. "We do have other candidates, so your position isn't guaranteed, but if you test well you have a real chance."

Magnus looked back down at the envelope, adorned with the IPRE logo and his name in blocky, official letters. It felt heavier than it was in reality, the weight of the offer adding fifty pounds. At some point, Merle had walked over to pat him on the back (a miracle that he could reach it, even with Magnus kneeling). "Did Barry get in?"

"Of course. Mister Hallwinter has a very good chance at becoming the ship's science expert." Davenport barely got his sentence out before Magnus let out a celebratory _whoop_ in response. "Not including myself and our chronicler, we still need to fill five positions. We only have two months to choose, so now the rest of your work will come second to the interplanar mission selection process. Everyone chosen will have to start coming to special classes and meetings regarding the mission."

Merle groaned, disappointed. "What kind of classes?"

"Running a ship like the Starblaster takes a lot of work. You need to learn about emergency ship procedures, how to take measurements and samples in different environments, and there are a lot of physical requirements--not to mention the social chemistry the team needs to have, considering the ship runs on bonds."

Tostada held out their arms, interrupting Davenport before he could go farther. "I'm sorry, no no no, fuck, _back up:_ what was the name of the ship again?"

Davenport winced, fully aware of what was about to happen. "The...Starblaster?"

"The _STARBLASTER??"_   The three shouted out near-simultaneously.

Davenport pinched the bridge of his nose, going through his regular explanation. "R&D worked _very_ hard on the name--"

Magnus pumped his fists in the air. "So we _ARE_   fighting the aliens!"

"No, it's really more for merchandising purposes--"

"I'm going to blow up one of the suns!" Tostada shouted, arms up. "Magnus, high-five me!"

 _"Nobody_ is blowing up _anything!"_ Davenport looked like he was going to pull out all his hair. "And, Tostada, nobody's been officially _chosen_ yet, so--"

Magnus climbed onto the desk with Tostada, fucking ecstatic to high-five anything even remotely capable. "You don't even have to ASK--"

Tostada took their hand away. "In Elvish, dumbass, I'm still your tutor."

"How do you high-five someone _IN ELVISH?"_

Tostada slapped him in the face, light and clinical. Just with their fingers. Magnus slapped them back, and suddenly the two were in a mock slap fight in front of their boss. Merle laughed along, until Magnus hoisted him up on the desk to be used as a shield. The desk wasn't load-bearing, though, and the three slid off after a pointed _crack_ came from the legs. The three turned to Davenport again, smiling and embarrassed.

"I think I'll leave the celebrations to you." Davenport backed out of the room, slow, as if he was addressing a room of dangerous beasts. "Your new schedules are in your envelopes, as well as some extra information. I'll see the three of you tomorrow, eight in the morning."

He was waved off by a chorus of goodbyes and thanks. Davenport was out of the room for less than two seconds before Merle and Magnus ripped their envelopes open. Magnus stared at his new schedule-- _didn't have to take interplanar calculus anymore, what a relief--_ but it was an intense regiment. Five hours a day for ship maintenance and operation classes, three hours a day for physical training, and intermittent social bonding exercises. Next week, something called an isolation chamber. Week after that, an exam. Magnus was so absorbed in the schedule, he didn't realize that Merle and Tostada were yelling two feet away from him.

"Biologist, eh?" Merle said under his breath as he read his paper. "Good, 'cause I know a _lot_ about bi-o-lo-gy." He winked to the nearest plant, blowing a kiss to it.

Tostada pulled their hat over their face. "Can you stop being gross for _ten fucking seconds?"_

Merle shouted defensively. "How come you're allowed to do it, but I'm not?"

"I'm _hot,_ that's why!"  

"What, and I'm not?"

"There's no way in hell I'm _ever_ answering that question."

"So that's a _yes--"_

The hat went further down their face, their voice cracking three octaves higher. _"MAGNUS!"_

Magnus didn't look up from his letter. He sounded hollow. "Be nice, you two."

Merle and Tostada shared a look, concerned. After a few moments of silence, Merle spoke up softly. "You okay, kid?"

He was quiet. His breaths cut through the silence, and it took a minute for him to find the correct words. "I didn't think I'd get to this point."

Tostada sighed, grabbing a pastry out of their basket and shoving it into Magnus' face. "Yeah, well, deal with it. You're here."

Magnus bit down, eating the pastry in one bite. He wasn't sure what it was, but it was full of jelly and delicious. "Yeah. I'm fine." He closed his envelope, looking to Merle and his letter. Then, he noticed that Tostada's envelope was unopened. "Tostada, aren't you opening yours?"

Suddenly, Tostada looked horrified. "Not here. I--I gotta do this in my room." Tostada picked up their basket of baked goods and headed out the door without much of a warning. "Bye, losers!"

"Geez, you two are weird. It's good news, why're all of you so negative?" Merle asked.

"I'm not negative! Just. Surprised?"

"This is a good thing!"

"I know!" Magnus looked back at the letter. He'd read it at least four times since he opened it already. A goofy, boyish grin spread across his face as he read it a fifth time. "They really want me?"

"They're thinkin' about it."

"I'm gonna  _kiss an alien."_  

"Not if I get to 'em first," Merle said, shoving his envelope into a fern pot. "Want to grab some food?" 

"Yeah." Magnus set his down too, grinning as he went towards the door. "Hey, what do you think the isolation chamber is?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on tumblr at fantasysamsclub if you want to hear me scream about the adventure zone! thanks for reading!


	6. Magnus Breaks up a Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's a little on edge now that they're being judged.

The new classes were...fine. They replaced all Magnus' old ones. While he was glad to be rid of interplanar calculus, he found himself confused by the new technical jargon. Magnus wasn't a _scientist,_ so science flew right past his head. He wasn't a _biologist,_ so those didn't work either. Wasn't a _wizard,_ so why the fuck did he have to sit through arcane theory for an hour? He worked best in physical education; passed all the fitness tests for launch without any problem. Passing the other tests would take some _doing._ He wasn't required to know everything as well as the specialized positions did, but he needed a cursory understanding of it all.

He was also spending extended amounts of time with the same eighteen people. Out of twenty candidates, nineteen took the offer. Excluding his friends, each one seemed to be out to get Magnus. Two other people were running for security officer, and (gods forbid) one had bigger muscles than him. The other one was trained in judo or _something--_ Magnus didn't know what, but they kept beating him in sparring. Their strength didn't matter, though. The utter contempt for Magnus the candidates in other categories had was much worse. Magnus could take someone stronger than him, that wasn't a problem. But if that bitch-ass botanist Amelié tripped him in the hall _one more time--_

Luckily, Barry and Merle and Tostada sat next to him often enough that the smart people left him alone.

Barry learned quick. Took most things like a fish to water. He knew how everything on the Starblaster worked already. Had time to help catch his friends up when they didn't understand. The second person who was earmarked for science expert wasn't as enthusiastic as Barry. Most people in the class acknowledged that Barry was _probably_ in, barring any emergencies. Ethics didn't take so well. This confused the fuck out of Magnus--Barry's such a nice guy, why couldn't he get a hold of ethics? The answer came forth once during a study session they had together. Barry had some...interesting ideas about dead bodies.

Merle was very good at what he knew best and _very_ bad at what he didn't. Nature and biology and ethics were firmly in his court. Mechanics and technology flew right over his head. Surprisingly hardy during phys ed. Everyone else treated their "doubles" (what Tostada called the candidates that ran for the same positions as you) with caution, or annoyance. Merle didn't--held out a hand to Amelié when she needed help, the same as if she was one of his friends. Nobody could stand to hate him for long.

Tostada had their days. Took a lot of notes. Too many notes. They took notes like they were going to write a book about the Starblaster. Magnus asked to see their notes once, and it was more of a transcript of the class--almost as if they were writing for somebody else. Tostada was on and off for the entirety of the new classes, never _there_ the way they should have been. They would rock ethics one day and fail it the next. Climb the rope in under a minute in phys ed on Monday, fall on their ass running laps on Tuesday. Cast a complicated 9th level transmutation spell _for laughs_ at breakfast, forgot how to do it before the night was over. Magnus worried.

Lucretia only attended half the time. Required to take the same classes but also stuck to her responsibilities on campus. She sat through the most necessary bits and studied on her own afterwards. When Tostada was in one of their better moods, they'd do homework with her. The rest of the group liked to join in when they could. The other students _hated_ that Magnus and company were so close to her. Lucretia learned she could act as a protective bubble: because she was already cleared for the mission, nobody wanted to look bad in front of her. Once she realized how competitive their classmates were when she was out of the room, she offered to walk anyone back to their rooms if they needed. Magnus took this offer a few times.

The whole atmosphere shifted in Magnus' friend group. They weren't competitive against each other, but the pressure of doubles and exams and spaceflight preparation was suffocating. Merle looked like he was wilting half the time. Tostada was always out and about, with no time on their own, in danger of breaking. Barry ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, desperate to help out his friends but also worried for his own performance. Lucretia did what she could to smooth things over, but it never felt like enough.

Friday nights were less _get drunk at the shitty bar_ and more _fuck, fuck, what are they testing us on this Monday?_ Everyone met in Barry and Tostada's room (the one closest to the space preparation halls) and studied until they passed out. Lucretia brought pounds of notes. Merle brought morale. Barry made hot chocolate _(and Lucretia spiked the hell out of it)._ Tostada and Magnus lined the floor with pillows and made study forts out of blankets.

"Yes, _Barry,_ it's _necessary,"_ they said, grumbling as they tied a disgusting amount of blankets together to make the fort's roof.

"Anything to help us study, right?" Magnus asked, shoving pillows through the fort door.

"It just seems like a _lot_ to blanket-bomb the whole room!" Barry paced around the fort, nervous, holding notes in his right hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other. He took a sip, immediately slamming it on his desk. "Lucretia, not all of us are twenty-two, don't put _that_ much vodka in my drink."

"Give me his share if he's not having it, Lucy," Merle said as he held out his cup.

Lucretia stared down Merle until he got his own damn drink. When he caved in, she grabbed Barry by the arm and stopped his pacing. "Are you alright?"

Barry broke off from Lucretia and threw his notes in the air, stressed out beyond all reason. "We're _supposed_ to be studying. Big test on Monday, remember?"

"Barry, you'll do great." Magnus picked the notes off the ground, handing them back over.

He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on his bed. Books and reference material littered his bed, and his desk, and everything in between. "It's still a big test. And--and they're going to give us another big task soon. Something that cuts down the number of candidates again. We can't play around all weekend."

Tostada poked their head out from behind the blanket fort. "We've been studying all week, Bluejeans, cut us a break!"

Barry slammed his notes back down on the bed and spoke without thinking. "Like _you_ need a break--"

"Oooh, sass from a nerd, _interesting."_ Tostada's eye twitched, hands balled into fists. "I'm doing _fine,_ I graduated top of my fucking class. I've got studying tied _down."_

"You're still gonna fail phys ed!"

"I climbed the rope and rang the bell, didn't I?" Tostada pantomimed the rope-and-bell as they described it like an angry mime.

Merle tapped Barry on the leg. "C'mon, you two--"

"Yeah, but you're slower than _I_ am on every _other_ day!" Barry got up in Tostada's space.

"I'm a little inconsistent, _sue me."_

"You're a _lot_ inconsistent!"

Magnus jumped up to work himself between the two. "Barry, don't say something you'll regret."

"I'm fine, I'm _great,_ don't worry about me!" Barry put pressure on his temples. "I just want them to take this _seriously_ _!"_

"I _am_ taking it seriously!" Tostada turned their attention back to the fort. The roof toppled over as they spoke. "Is it too much to ask for a fucking break? Lucretia passes out six days out of seven, Merle's plants are wilting, Magnus gets fucking _bullied_ by nerds--"

Barry sputtered. "You can't talk about bullying when Magnus _literally punched you for stealing my napkin--"_

Tostada propped the roof back up. "And I got to wear a sweet-ass eyepatch for a week because of that, what's your problem?"

"My _problem_ is that none of us know which Tostada we're going to get! Is it the one that's ready to work? Is it the one that's going to fall on their ass during gym? Is it the one that knows when they've taken a joke too far, or the one that just keeps going?" The words spilled out of Barry, stressed and sleep deprived. "It's like I'm talking to a different fucking person half the time!"

Tostada's entire body went rigid. Their eyes blasted wide open with fear and their ears sank down lower than any of them had ever seen.

Magnus sucked in a breath through his teeth. " _Barry--"_

Barry immediately went into damage control, although it was too late at this point. He stepped towards Tostada, as non-threatening as possible. "Fuck, Tostada, I'm sorry, that came out--"

"Don't touch me, fuckin'...punk-ass bitch..." Tostada shook like a leaf, shrinking in place. They sank to the floor and the roof of the fort came down with them. Looked ill, as if they could vomit any second. "I don't need to be lectured...by a nerd, that's... _fuck."_

Lucretia pinned the roof back up. "I think we should all calm down and get back to studying--"

Magnus interrupted, eyes on Lucretia. "Hey, or maybe we _should_   relax! Obviously there's an edge here that we can't ignore."

She seemed to get the signal, nodding along. "You're right, Magnus, that should be the new plan."

Barry turned to argue. "But I--"

Merle stopped him. _"Barry."_

Magnus joined in, half-whining. "Barry, come _on."_

Nobody spoke for a while, but the room was far from silent. Barry breathed heavy and tried to calm down. Merle's foot tapped. impatient and quick. Everyone pretended not to hear Tostada crying. Finally, Barry broke down and sat on the floor. "Alright, but. We should study again tomorrow."

"That works." Lucretia knelt down next to Tostada, some of that spiked drink in hand. "Tostada, do you want to come into the pillow fort?"

Tostada sniffed so hard their nostrils burned. They took the mug, stood up, and went to their bed without looking anyone in the eye. "I'm just--I'm gonna hang out in my pocket dimension. Organize my shit."

"Okay," Lucretia said.

The rest of the room said a few halfhearted goodbyes, and once Tostada was under the bed all eyes went back to Barry.

"Alright, so, that was a fight," Magnus said.

Merle chuckled a little. "Never seen you so wound up, Bluejeans."

Lucretia glared at Merle until he stopped laughing. "Is something bigger bothering you, Barry?"

"There's just--a lot of pressure on this, you know?" Barry, defeated, went into the fort. "I'm...I hope this isn't braggy, but, I'm pretty sure I have a good chance of getting this? But. I could still fail. Badly--I've gotten close to this kind of thing before and just...I've beefed it before. At the end. And. If the rest of you don't get on the mission too, it wouldn't be as...nice. I think. I don't want to get separated from you guys."

"Yeah." Magnus crawled over from the other end of the fort to hug him. "Why didn't you say that instead of blowing up?"

"Haven't been getting enough sleep." Barry hugged Magnus back. "Fuck, I shouldn't have said that to them..."

"No shit, Bluejeans." Merle wormed his way into the fort. "Look, we're all a little on edge. Someone was going to snap at someone else, that's bound to happen."

Lucretia took a sip of hot chocolate. "You can apologize later."

The four sat in the pillow fort, textbooks and notes put away. Merle and Barry taught Magnus and Lucretia how to play poker instead. Lucretia found out she had a perfect poker face, and Magnus was so bad he wished he had a set of cheating cards. The day after, they would study from morning to midnight. The day after that, they would do the same. But that night, it was more dangerous to work than it was to relax. If they got into the habit of fighting each other, there would be no turning back. Best to stop these things before they start.

* * *

Monday rolled around, and so did exams. Despite the stress that plagued them all weekend, everyone passed. Some better than others; Barry found himself slipping. Not enough to get kicked out, but enough to get questioned by Captain Davenport in private. Of course, Barry's double became overconfident after hearing this. Didn't take more than a stare from Lucretia before they backed down. Instead of going to physical education that afternoon, Captain Davenport gathered the class to announce their next big test.

The isolation test.

In groups of five, candidates would occupy test cabins built to simulate life in space. The conditions would be as close to the mission as possible. Each person would need to be able to work properly in the cramped environment. If anyone in a group failed the test, the whole group failed and would have to retake the test with a new set of people. Nobody would be on the Starblaster until they passed the isolation test--they expected most groups to fail on the first try. The point, specifically, was to find a group with good enough social harmony to fight the negative effects of space travel.

Magnus raised his hand, not even waiting for Davenport to call on him. "So it's prevention against _space madness?"_

Davenport nodded. "That's not what we call it, but yes."

"What _do_ you call it?" Magnus asked.

"We don't have a blanket term for it, but you could possibly suffer a number of different psychological ailments--depression, anxiety, stress--from being confined in such a small space with the same people. It's not something to be taken lightly." Davenport "Even if you will only be gone for two months, we want to make sure each person chosen can handle it. Any other questions?"

The class looked to each other and wondered who would be in their group. The actual test was simple enough, but few candidates seemed excited to be stuck _alone_ with other people. A hand raised into the air, slow and unsure.

Davenport pointed to the raised hand. "Yes, Tostada?"

"We'll be--isolated, though?"

"Yes." He frowned. "Is that a problem?"

"No, of course it isn't, that's..." Tostada looked around the room, bothered by all the eyes that were now glued to them. "What are we allowed to take into the cabin?"

"You get to fill one supply pod."

"Okay."

"Don't cast magic on it."

"I--" Tostada bit their tongue. "Okay."

"If nobody else has questions, I'll go ahead and start reading groups off." Davenport named groups off. None of the groups were friends in the first place--in fact, most of them were in direct competition with each other. After three teams formed, Magnus heard some familiar names. "Sildar Hallwinter, Merle Highchurch, Tostada, Magnus Burnsides, you are all Team D--"

Merle snorted. _"Team D--"_

Davenport kept speaking, not even giving them the time to laugh. "And because we don't have enough candidates to give you a full group of five, our chronicler Lucretia will be performing this exercise with you."

Magnus ran over to high-five Lucretia. She walked to sit with the rest of the group--unlike the others that had been called, Team D was already sitting together. After all the groups were called out, Davenport listed off safety requirements. The meeting didn't last for more than an hour, and Davenport granted the class extra free time after.

Davenport dismissed the class. "Come to the hangar at five in the morning tomorrow. Don't forget to take one of the bags at the front to pack. If it fits in this bag, it will fit in the supply pod. Be light--this is near the same amount of space you would get on the real trip."

The rest of the class grabbed their bags and left without much fanfare. Merle and Magnus were still giggling over _Team D_ as they grabbed theirs. Magnus turned to the rest of the group. "Hey, let's all go out! Seems like we won't be able to for a while--should take advantage of it while we can."

Lucretia smiled and nodded. "And since we don't need to study for a while, it'll be another good break."

"You all in?"

Barry nodded.

Merle started walking back towards the dorms. "Yeah, lemme grab a coat."

Tostada stayed back. "Actually, uh...I should. Not. Do that. Gotta go--prepare for the test." Before they could be questioned, they grabbed a bag and ran out.

Magnus shrugged. Wasn't a big deal. If Tostada wanted alone time before getting shoved into a tiny room with four other people, that's their right. Didn't matter if they had been  _weird_ all weekend. Didn't matter if this was a  _very big_ test. If they were going to talk, they would have done it already. Barry had apologized the day after their fight, and Tostada (kind of?) accepted that. But something was still wrong.

Best not to dwell on it.

The four went to their regular shitty bar, but found that it was a lot quieter than usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you see where I'm going with this?  
> HEY, this chapter marks 100k words on my ao3 account! that's, uh....i didn't realize i was writing so much! it's only been two months! fuck!!!  
> also THANKS to everyone that reads, leaves kudos, comments, etc--every time you do my lifespan increases by five minutes and you push me closer to immortality.


	7. Magnus Sees Double

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of surprises come out during the isolation test.

The cabin was tiny. The main room, which was a living room, kitchen, and dining room all rolled up into one, was only fifteen feet on each wall. The bedroom were just that: a room with five beds bunked against the walls. One bathroom. Everybody could stand on opposite ends of the cabin and still feel claustrophobic. Which _was_ the point, but still jarring. The whole place was function over form, a contest to see how much shit a person could fit into a tiny space. No windows. Dimmed lights. Soundproof walls. A red button sat next to the door, only to be pushed in emergencies. If someone pushed the button, the door would open and everyone in the cabin would fail the test.

Magnus sank into one of the chairs, strumming his fingers against the arm. "Well, this place is..."

"Not great?" Barry sat himself on the couch, followed by Merle. "The real thing is better than this, I've heard."

Lucretia smiled and took the seat next to Magnus. "I've seen it. It is."

A little console sat at the middle of the common area. During the tests, various tasks would pop up on the screen, but it was inactive at that moment. This was an adjustment period--the only thing they had to do was relax. Magnus, surrounded by friends, was already relaxed. A quick look around the room said that most others were, too. Barry had a bit of an edge around him, still nervous from the fight. Lucretia didn't have much to lose here, so this was more of a fun experiment for her. Merle didn't have the ability to stress (or if he did, Magnus hadn't seen it. Maybe he'd freak if he got his arm cut off or something, but what were the chances of _that_   happening?). Tostada hadn't sat down yet, eyes flicking towards the wall.

Might as well use the down time while they had it, Magnus thought. "You all wanna play cards?"

Merle nodded. "If you brought any, sure."

"Yeah, they're just in my bag!" Magnus jumped out of his seat. "They said it'd be on the wall, right?"

"I think so."

Before "boarding," each person placed their packed bags in a pod outside the walls. Long cylinders similar to mail tubes sat on the wall of the common area. The bags Davenport gave out were constructed like duffel bags, but with more length and less volume. A dwarf could easily fit inside, or an elf with really good flexibility. They all had clean duplicates of their uniforms in the bedroom, so at least nobody had to pack clothing. Just recreational items and personal trinkets. Anything necessary was already inside the cabin. Magnus found the pod that held his stuff, but immediately found something wrong.

"Huh."

Barry turned his head to address Magnus. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just--hm." Magnus checked the other bags, but none were his. None seemed to belong to his friends, either. He and Merle packed together, and there wasn't any of Merle's religious books or plants in any pods. "I think they accidentally switched our bags."

While this wasn't the best situation, it wasn't going to kill anyone. Again, everything necessary was provided in the cabin. Worst case scenario, they'd be stuck playing shitty board games. The rest of the room looked disappointed, but not devastated. Except--

_"What."_

Tostada stood up from their seat, disbelief painted on their face. In a few quick strides, they stood next to Magnus at the pod wall.

"Oh, you know--Team C is right next to us, aren't they? These are all labeled 'Team C'. I bet the bags were switched on accident." Magnus shrugged.

"That sucks," Lucretia said, voice flat as paper.

Merle pouted. "Do any of the bags have cards in them?"

"You know, I don't kn--"

 _"Stop."_   Tostada, for all anyone else could see, was calm. That was a performed lie. "What do you _mean,_ they're _not our bags?"_

"Uh...I--I think it was an accident?" Magnus noticed Tostada's hands shaking. Best to stay inoffensive and friendly, defuse the situation as quickly as possible. "Did you leave something important in yours?"

"Did I leave somethi-- _yes!"_   Tostada's performance of calm composure unraveled with each passing second. "Are you sure mine's not in here?"

"Take a look for yourself?" Magnus stepped aside to allow Tostada to rummage through the pods. They seemed to be aware of how desperate they looked, eyes shifting from the group to the pods. Whatever they were looking for, they didn't find--and in a wild motion, they grabbed their wand out of their robe.

They took that shining gold earring out of its piercing and tapped the wand to it. Whatever spell they had cast on it, though, didn't yield the results they wanted, and they sent themselves into a frenzied panic. The earring hit the floor, Tostada _screamed,_ and Magnus walked back up to try and fix...whatever this was. They were lashing out at something, but it was different from their fight with Barry. More desperate.

"Tostada--"

"Lup--" Tostada was hyperventilating, only able to get a few words in at a time. "Not--Lup's not--"

"Loop?" Magnus took another step closer, careful as he could be. Tostada slapped him away, which didn't do much damage but got the point across.

"Don't--get the fuck out of my face, I--" In a desperate attempt to get away from Magnus, Tostada ended up cornered by the wall. "I can't--fucking, I can't _live--"_

The rest of the crew stood, but too hesitant to walk closer. Didn't want to be caught on the receiving end of a wizard meltdown. Whatever this was, it had a good chance of getting nasty, quick. A few eyes flicked to the red panic button next to the exit door.

Barry called out from the other end of the room. "Did you leave medication in your bag?"

Lucretia shook her head. "They couldn't have, all of our necessities are on file and if they needed medication, it should already be under their bed--"

"Someone go check their bed!" Magnus barked, occupied with keeping Tostada contained to the corner wall. Barry called out from the living quarters, denying that any sort of medication was there. Great.

"Fucking--idiots, it's not--" Tostada sank down to the floor, legs shaking. "Don't worry ab-about me, Tostada'll be...back up and running in--a second, just, fuck, give me some time to--"

"Merle, is there anything you can do about this?" Barry asked.

"I do, but I'm gonna need Magnus to hold them down."

"Alright, Magnus--"

"I heard, I heard!" Magnus looked down at Tostada, kneeling down to meet them on the floor. "I don't--alright, Tostada, I promise I won't hurt you, just, so Merle can help, let me--"

Surprisingly, with all the resistance they had put up earlier, Tostada just sort of _gave up_ when Magnus approached them again. "Great, and now _weedman_ wants to touch me--"

"I wouldn't want him touching me either, but this is an emergency," Magnus said, gripping Tostada's arms gently. Just enough to restrain, but not harm. Tostada, again, didn't resist much anymore--must have spent their energy.

"Geez, do you want me to help or not?" Merle asked as he laid a hand on Tostada's forehead. He sent a quick prayer to Pan before casting Calm Emotions, and the elf just fell limp in Magnus' arms. Still uncomfortable, but not at emergency levels. Magnus scooped them up and helped them onto the couch. Merle ran a few tests, and the rest of the crew spoke in calm tones as he did so.

"How're you doing, kid?" Merle asked.

"Shitty."

Now that Tostada was stable, Magnus noticed something...off. Their voice felt different now. Although, the elf _did_ just scream their lungs out, so maybe it was fatigue. "What's missing from your bag?" Magnus asked, sitting right at the head of the couch near Tostada. "Some kind of loop?"

"That's--" They looked like they were about to go into another attack, but none of their words had any bite. "You didn't hear that. I didn't--I said nothing, I didn't say--"

"Whoa, whoa, easy there." Merle put another hand to Tostada's forehead, and their head fell limp back into the couch. "Don't bust a nut."

The room was deadly quiet for a solid minute before Barry spoke up. "...Merle, do you know what _bust a nut_ means?"

"Bust a nut? It's, like, getting angry, right?" Merle grinned wide, happy that he knew such a hip term. "It's like saying _bust a gut,_ but for the young people!"

Barry shook his head. "I don't know where you heard that--"

Lucretia cut him off, nodding furiously. "Yes, Merle, that's _absolutely_ correct. You're very hip." She paused before adding, "And, please, do whatever you must to ensure that Tostada doesn't bust a nut all up in this joint."

"You don't have to worry about that, darling, I would literally rather die than bust a nut up in front of any of you." There was _definitely_ a tilt in their voice that wasn't there before.

"You busted a nut in front of Barry just the other day!"

"Oh, _please,_ Merle, don't talk about Tostada busting nuts up _anywhere_ near me." Barry shuddered.

Tostada put a hand to their chest in mock-offense. "What, I'm not good enough for you, Bluejeans?"

"That's not--"

"Don't say things like that to me after busting a nut on me in front of all our coworkers!" To their credit, Tostada played this bit out real well. Almost had tears in their eyes. At least this was better than the panic and screaming from earlier.

Magnus dragged a hand down his face. "Fine, this is hilarious, but we really need to get back to your--"

"Oh shit, my earring! Where the hell did that thing go?" Tostada looked around, curious with a slight hint of worry. "I took it off 'cause I thought we were about to throw down."

"Tostada, please, we're trying to help. What's the loop?"

"A loop, a loop..." Tostada pointed to their ear. "My earring?"

"Yeah, it's--over here." Magnus went to retrieve the earring from the floor. He looked at it again. Round and solid. Golden. Elvish script on the side--Magnus wasn't good at reading Elvish yet, but it looked like stylized typography, like Elvish graffiti. He handed it to Tostada. "It's not loop-shaped, though, what--what were you really talking about?"

Tostada put the earring back in, and if Magnus didn't know any better he'd say their appearance...shifted? Just a nudge to the left. "It's nothing." Their voice was back to normal, too.

"That sure _sounds_   like something." Magnus crossed his arms. They wouldn't get _anywhere_ like this--maybe if the "good" Tostada was there...

"Magnus, it's not a big deal," Tostada said, waving their hand as if it would magically dissipate the situation.

"You're acting strange--"

"That doesn't mean you all get to corner me and have Merle poking his fingers around my face!" To make a point, Tostada swatted Merle's hands away with their foot. "Don't worry about, I've got it all under control."

"But if we can't get what's in your bag, you'll get upset again!"

"The bag--" Tostada's face snapped back into a frenzied panic, like they had just remembered the pod switching. "Fuck, _the bag--"_

Barry dug hands into his hair. "Magnus, why'd you remind them?

"I'm so _fucking stupid,_ why couldn't I have just--" Tostada sat straight upright, looking to the wall of pods as their ears twitched erratically. "I can't believe I forgot, that's--I'm--"

Lucretia knelt down next to the elf. "Tostada, _it's okay,_ just tell us what was in the bag."

"I--I _can't--_ you don't understand, I couldn't do it--on--without--she's--" Tostada's head hit the couch again as Merle passed his hand over their forehead.

Merle looked up at Magnus with a frown. "I can't keep casting this, I'm running out of spell slo--"

"Barry, _stop!"_

Lucretia had her eyes on Barry, standing by the exit door. He was getting dangerously close to the emergency button. He shrank when the rest of the crew stared at him, barely stumbling through his sentence. "I'm sorry, I think--" Barry's hand hovered over the button. "Tostada looks like they're in a lot of pain. And. I think...I think we have to stop this."

Merle took his hands off of Tostada, yelling towards Barry. "We're all gonna fail if you push that!"

"I'm _sure_ we can negotiate some kind of make up with Captain Davenport," Barry said, inching closer to the button.

"What if we can't?" Lucretia ran up near the door to pull Barry away. "What if the rest of you don't get a second chance?"

"What _if,_ Lucretia?" Barry took his hand off the button to gesture towards Tostada and Magnus. "Are we really more worried about our careers than our friend's health?"

"Barry's right," Magnus said, "Press the button."

"Hold on, hold on!" Merle propped himself back up on the couch. "I might still be able to get Tostada to a stable level--"

Magnus pulled Merle off the couch. "Their bag is still missing, Merle! That doesn't solve shit!"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not in the goddamned room!" Tostada sat back up, back with a vengeance. "Bluejeans, if you press that _fucking_ button, I swear, I'll--I'll--fuck, what's the nastiest spell I know? Whatever that is--if you press that button, it's getting cast _straight up your ass."_

Barry shook his head. "I'm pressing it!"

"Did you not hear me, or do you just have the _worst_ fetish?"

Lucretia grabbed Barry's arm. "No, Barry, give Merle a few more minutes--"

Tostada threw their arms in the air. "I'm _fine,_ get off my back, don't _baby_ me--"

"If you don't want us to baby you, stop bustin' your nuts!" Merle shouted.

Barry, still wrestling with Lucretia over control of his arm, cried out. "Merle I swear--if you say _bust a nut_ one more time--"

The room went into a flurry of shouting. Lucretia begged Barry not to press the button. Tostada threatened to shove tentacles up Barry's ass. Merle swore he just needed more time to calm Tostada down. Barry whined about Merle's usage of the phrase _bust a nut_. It got so chaotic Magnus couldn't even hear his own thoughts. Without realizing he was raising his voice, Magnus spoke over the rest of the crew.

"Everyone, would you all just--" A soft _ding_ rang from the door and it opened. _"--BE QUIET?"_

The silence Magnus asked for came when all five of them laid eyes on the opened door. Light poured through the entrance, showing exactly how dim the cabin was made to be.

Lucretia spoke through gritted teeth. " _Barry--"_

"It wasn't me! It opened by itself!"

A silhouette of a gnome man appeared in the light. Everybody in the cabin realized they were screwed. The gnome stepped out of the light and into the cabin, followed by some of the crew from Cabin C.  

"Captain?"  Lucretia was the first one to speak. "What...why did you open the door?"

"We had a problem in Cabin C." Captain Davenport straightened his jacket, not yet looking fully into the cabin. "Someone from Cabin D found their way inside, so I just want to check to see if everyone was..." He took a good look around at the crew, and counted them twice over.

Barry furrowed his brow and looked back at his teammates. "Someone from _our_   cabin? Captain, that's--everyone's--"

"Everyone's here. You're right." Davenport pulled at his mustache. "That's--impossible. Tostada was _just_ in Cabin C."

Magnus put a defensive arm over Tostada. "They've been here since we were locked in, Captain."

A voice called from outside the cabin. "I found them, Captain!"

"You-- _how?_ They're standing right in front of me!" Davenport turned to leave the cabin, but was almost toppled over by the person running through the door.

This person looked exactly like--or they _were--_ Tostada. Same face, same hair, same clothes, same _earring;_ this _was_   Tostada. They ran towards Tostada--really, an odd sensation--and took them (theirself?) in a hug.

The (old?) Tostada pulled back, wide-eyed as they looked over their doppelganger. "Oh, this is--fuck, did someone put a curse on me? What a _convincing_ illusion! Who could have--"

"Shut up, Taako," Cabin C Tostada said. "It's done. I'm _tired._ This isn't going to be worth it if we're not together, okay?"

Cabin D Tostada (Taako?) crumpled immediately, hugging the new Tostada tight. They stood together, both watery-eyed. They spoke an incomprehensible string of Elvish in between them. Magnus could only work out a few words-- _missed you, treasure, brother, sister._

 _"What is going on?"_   asked Magnus, simultaneously terrified and excited. Was this part of the training? When was he going to get _his_ double?

"I _fucking_ knew it," Barry said, still with a surprised tilt to his voice.

Lucretia, of course, was writing every single fucking detail of this ordeal down in her notes.

Davenport collected his composure after a moment, coughing. "You--both of you, both Tostadas. Actually--" He pointed between the two. "One of you put your hair up. I don't care which."

The one that had run in from Cabin C took out a ribbon from their pocket and tied their hair up.

"Good." Davenport watched this Tostada intensely. "And you are?"

Cabin C Tostada hesitated, and looked to the ground as they answered. "Lup."

"And you?" Davenport pointed to the other one.

"This is Taako," Lup said, squeezing Taako's hand. "Please don't separate us, my brother and I can't--"

"We'll talk about this _privately."_  Davenport gestured for Lup and Taako to follow him. "The rest of you. Go wait in the lecture hall."

* * *

The four waited in the lecture hall, which seemed empty when only four people were occupying it and not nineteen. For a group of people that just learned that one of their friends was actually two people in disguise, they were awfully quiet. None of them knew if they would be able to re-take the isolation test, or if they would ever see their friend _(s?)_   again.

After an hour of waiting, Davenport opened the door to the lecture hall, letting both Tostadas file through. "Alright, stay in here until we process this."

"Of course, Captain," said the Tostada with their hair pulled up. ( _Lup?)_

They waited until Davenport was out of the room before addressing the room, standing at the front like professors. The one with their hair down had been in the isolation chamber with them--that much was obvious. They were a lot more disheveled than the second one, who was (presumably) inside of a duffel bag all morning. The two kept close, glued at the hip, not letting go of each other's hands.

"Hey, Tostada _s,"_ Magnus said, punctuating the name as a plural so hard it sounded like he was imitating a snake's hiss.

The twins both said hello, not quite in unison, but just enough for it to be creepy.

"You're twins!" Merle shouted.

"No shit, Fantasy Sherlock," hair-down Tostada _(Taako?)_ said, snickering, "Bet _that_   was hard to piece together."

Barry pointed to hair-up Tostada. "So you're--"

"Lup. Taako's sister." She waved.

"And you're--"

"Taako. Lup's brother." He stuck out his tongue.

Magnus scratched his head. "Who's Tostada?"

"Uh," Taako said, looking towards Lup.

"Both of us?" Lup shrugged. "It was our grandfather's name, we stole it."

"We switched out a lot," Taako explained, "As long as we were on opposite ends of campus, we could both be out at the same time, usually."

"Okay, cool, cool, great," Magnus said, nodding along. "But why pretend to be the same person?"

"You know how hard it is to get accepted into a place like this?" Lup asked. "I mean, we both graduated top of our class and we couldn't get in together."

Taako added, "And they would have separated us, if we _had_ both gotten it, definitely."

"So what was in the bag?" Merle asked.

"Lup," Taako said, "I put her in the bag with a few snacks so we could take the isolation test together."

"Yeah, tight fit." Lup laughed. "I told you it was a bad idea. You should have just gone invisible!"

"They were checking for magic at the gates!"

"You've snuck worse through tighter security." 

The two laughed, playfully shoving each other. Then the shoves became less playful. Lup shoved Taako over the desk, but at least he didn't seem offended by that. Something told Magnus that the twins could do anything to each other and not be mad.

"This might be a weird question, but..."  Lucretia not-so-subtly got out a notebook, clicking her pen and readying her notes. "Which one was which? When you were Tostada?"

"Let's see..." Lup tapped her foot on the ground. "Oh, Barry and Merle, you met me first. And...so did Magnus I guess?"

"Magnus technically saw us both," Taako said, "Lab explosion, remember?"

"Right!" Lup paused before continuing, a little...guilty? "Uh, so, I stole Barry's napkin--"

"--and she didn't tell me she stole it, so I got punched in the face and forced into kitchen duty--"

"I made Taako go on all the kitchen duty shifts. Wasn't my fault he tried to take on _Magnus."_   Lup wracked her brain for more examples. "And I'm the one that keeps fighting Greg in the ring."

"Oh, but I came to one of those shows too. Had 'em think I was casting Mislead." Taako flashed a wide grin to Lucretia. "Big fan of your pgorp, Lucretia."

"Thank you--Taako?"

"Got it in one." He shot finger guns at Lucretia, and then turned to Magnus. "Right, and I was your Elvish tutor."

Magnus frowned. "So who fought Barry?"

Taako's jaw dropped and he slapped Lup in the shoulder. "You _fought_   nerdlord? Why?"

"He--"  Lup's eyes went between Taako and Barry, her voice down to a whisper. "I'll tell you later, okay?"

"So, wait a minute." Barry rubbed his temples and tried to think through this whole situation. "Your voices are different. And you don't look _exactly_ the same--"

"Yeah we do, what the fuck do you think _identical_ means?" Taako grabbed his sister's chin, gesturing between their faces. Lup kicked his shin until he stopped. "It's a miracle this face came out so perfect twice, isn't it?"

Magnus raised his hand. "But you're not the same--"

"Mm-mm, nope, I don't like to get into details of this shit unless you got a reason to know." Lup grinned wide and winked. "Personal."

"That's fine." Magnus grinned right back at her. "But really, you don't look exactly the same right now, so, what's up with that?"

"We've been using these babies to pull twin cons since we were kids," Lup said, beaming and holding out an earring in her hand, "When two people wear them, it makes them both look like identical amalgamations of each other--so, it melds our appearances and voices together. Since we already look a lot like each other, there aren't _that_ many changes."

"Mostly the voice," Taako said, in a voice that Magnus was starting to learn as distinctly  _Taako._

"And, like, when Taako got punched in the face," Lup added.

No surprise, Barry had his eyes on the earrings and was already making grabby hands at them. "That's--a really _good_ illusion, can I see?"

"Knock yourself out, nerd." Lup threw her earring to Barry.

The rest of the hour turned into a terrifying monster factory. First, Lup had to do an impromptu ear-piercing session (Barry and Magnus were the only ones that didn't have at least one ear pierced), but after she was done all hell broke loose. It was a game of how weird they could get each other to look--the Magnus and Merle fusion was probably the worst. Lucretia and Lup actually ended up cute. Most ended up just being  _strange--_ Merle's height didn't help out with any of his fusions. They burned a good amount of time fucking around with Taako and Lup's magic earrings before Davenport walked back in. And, of course, he walked in just as Lucretia and Barry put on the earrings. Seeing two identical twinsets (with one set being a weird fusion of two coworkers) really just...tired out the Captain.

"There's--you know, I'm not even going to ask." Davenport walked across the floor, sitting down. "May I say a few things?"

Magnus raised his hand. "Captain--please, don't make Lup and Taako leave. The chamber was--that wouldn't happen in space."

"That's not why I'm here." Davenport produced two envelopes out of his jacket, exactly like the ones he had given to Magnus, Merle, and  _Taako_ the week before. "Based on your individual contributions to the Institute, both of you are still more than qualified for the planar exploration mission."

"So--hold on. We're good?" Lup asked.

"You both did an equal amount of work, and it's good work."

"Fucking  _sweet,"_ Taako said, high-fiving Lup.

She frowned after a moment, waving the envelope in the air. "Oh, but, let me put this out here--the two of us are a package deal. You either get both or none."

"Then I suppose you'll have to work hard for your position." Davenport winked. 

"Already planning on it, Cappn'port." 

"I'd like for your group to try the isolation test again," Davenport said, wincing at the nickname, "But this time with the twins in the same cabin. Lucretia, I still want you to try it as training, so you'll go too."

"Six people crammed into a cabin for five?" Lucretia asked. 

"Someone could sleep on the couch," Merle suggested.

Lup shrugged. "Taako and I could shove in the same bunk..."

"Whatever you need to do to fit, I don't mind. Consider it a creative exercise." Davenport smiled and scanned the room. "Everyone come back here same time tomorrow. I have some more processing for Lup and Taako, but I assume you all will want to catch up after that's all done?"

"Yeah!" Magnus jumped out of his seat. 

Davenport took Lucretia and the twins with him when he left. Processing took about three hours, (Taako and Lup needed completely new files) but afterwards the group went to their normal Friday spot (even though it was Tuesday? Did that matter?). Tostada was always fun to hang out with, but something about Lup and Taako felt more whole. They riffed off each other, pulled elaborate billiard hustles, and endlessly teased the rest of the crew. The bonds that held the group together before strengthened. 

Still, it felt like there was room for one more. Six wasn't enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is day 4 of my twinsweek prompts??? I knew this chapter was going to be very twins-centric, and today is the "wildcard" prompt, so...I thought it'd be fitting to post this chapter during twinsweek (not posting to the collections though......because it's just the one chapter for the prompt. the rest of this fic is magnus central)
> 
> i'm also VERY sick right now whoops (not influenza, don't worry!! a very very bad cold)


	8. Magnus Bonds with Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Isolation Test, for real this time.

The cabin was even tinier now that they had to shove an extra person inside.

Somehow, this wasn't a problem. Magnus and Barry were used to sharing a small spaces, always up in each other's business. Lucretia and Merle didn't take up much space. The twins orbited around each other. The six of them felt like they fit together in that small space. In fact, it wasn't cramped--it felt too big, somehow. Like they were missing something?

Daily tasks flashed up on the console in the common area. Some were earmarked for specific people. Barry had to check up on the "engine." Merle gave light medical examinations. Taako and Lup were given different datasets to go over. Magnus had to do security rounds. Lucretia wasn't being graded on any of this, so she opted to take notes on everything. Because of their training, none of these tasks were particularly difficult--not that they were supposed to be in the first place. It was a simulation.

The best part of the isolation test, hands down, was free time.

Once the phrase _all daily tasks completed_ popped up on the console, the entire cabin went wild. Cards, jokes, games--it really didn't matter what they were doing, they were having _fun._ They didn't have alcohol, but they _did_ have a transmutation wizard on board, and he _might_ have sped up the fermentation process of some fruit juice they were provided. And, _fuck,_ the group just...felt right? Magnus would set up a joke and Taako would immediately catch on to finish, Merle would add in an inappropriately sexy twist, Lucretia would somehow say something _worse_ as dry as possible, Barry would spit out his drink, and Lup lost her ability to function properly at least three jokes ago.

So, of course, the group did what they could to make that notification pop up as early in the day as possible.

There weren't any rules against working together on their daily tasks, so that's exactly what they did. Magnus learned to take blood pressure and perform basic eye exams so Merle could finish the more difficult examinations. Lucretia floated around Barry and wrote down numbers and readings he needed to remember for him. Lup walked opposite of Magnus' perimeter and high-fived him when they passed each other. Taako helped convert Lucretia's shorthand into something legible. Merle offered some cleric spells to expand Lup's spell catalogue past the usual wizard bullshit. Barry corrected mistakes in Taako's math more than a few times.

By the third day, they had chiseled their work day down to five hours.

All because a little teamwork.

Magnus felt at home.

But still, there was something missing.

Something in his heart told him that there should be a voice chiding him for using the phrase "horny for teamwork" in a work environment. There should be moustache hairs in the sink after a daily trimming. There should be a hand tugging at the bottom of his jacket, a repeated attempt to get his attention. There should be a trilling laugh and a snort after one of Lucretia's quips. There should be a mischievous glint and a wink in crinkled eyes as they remind Lup _nooo, you can't do that again, it's ""against"" ""regulations.""_ There should be a furrowed brow and a bit lip, thinking of their next move against Barry in a game of chess. There should be a figure sitting across from Taako, both swirling wine and thinking of improvements. There should be a shared chuckle of _these damn kids_ with Merle. There should be an extra chair at the dinner table.

Magnus set aside these thoughts, because he didn't have a great way of explaining them to the rest of the crew. Didn't want to mess up the flow.

"It'll only be two months," Merle said, raising a glass in the air, "But I really think we should keep hanging out after the mission."

"That's _if_ we get accepted," Magus added.

"If we _all_ get accepted," Lup said, running a thumb over the rim of her glass. Taako grabbed her hand and shimmied up closer to her. Ever since the Tostada act was broken, the two had been inseparable. They both became unspeakably tense when the mission selection was brought up. They tried to hide it, acted confident and disinterested in the whole thing, but elf ears were one hell of a tell.

Lucretia looked over the room and smiled. "I think you all have a pretty good chance."

Magnus let out a breath. "That's comforting coming from you, Lucretia."

She chuckled and shrugged lightheartedly. "It should, I'm literally the only one in the room who knows your exact chances."

"Wait--" Barry leaned forward, adjusting his glasses. "To what extent?"

"Oh...you know." Lucretia put her finger to her smiling lips and winked.

"No, we don't--" Lup stopped, her back straightening unnaturally as she figured it out. She bounced in her seat, grinning. "Oh, oh, _shit,_ do you know the roster?"

Lucretia looked off into the distance. Farther than anyone in the room could even comprehend. Right through the screen of your reading device. She's looking at _you._ She always has been.

Merle's chin dropped. "Damn, she _knows."_

"It's nothing official, but I do know Captain Davenport's list." Lucretia walked past the counter, the only thing in the room that separated the common area from the kitchen. "The Institute won't argue with him as long as everybody on the list passes their tests and completes their classes."

Magnus followed her, shooting pleading eyes from across the counter. He vibrated in some gross mixture of excitement and anxiety. "You _have_ to tell us!"

"I don't." Lucretia ducked her head into the refrigerator. "In fact, I have specifically been instructed _not_ to tell you."

"I can work with this." Taako broke away from Lup, dusting off his hands in a dramatic show. He stood up, demanding all attention in the room. "Let's think through this a second: why would they instruct her not to tell us if we weren't explicitly involved?"

Barry raised a finger in the air, as if he was answering a question from a lecture professor. "It could just be a secret for _everyone,_ involved or not."

"But she specifically said she was instructed not to tell _us."_   Taako worked the room, pacing around as he tried to figure this out. "Even if it's a secret for everyone, she's under orders to keep extra quiet around here."

"Which means at least one of us is on the roster," Lup said.

"No, I think it's gotta be more than one." He took a moment to think the whole situation through. "They wouldn't make us do this whole test together if the majority of us weren't involved. Otherwise, they would break us up and put the people on the roster in the next round of tests."

Merle twisted his beard in thought. "So--you're saying at least three of us are accepted?"

"We already know Barry's a shoe-in." Taako drummed his fingers on the counter, watching Lucretia as she brought a jug of juice over. He took the hint and started turning it to booze. "I think Merle is too, because who else could do his job? Fucking Amelié? Couldn't even cook an egg properly, why would they launch her into space?"

"And Magnus is guaranteed, too." Lup sighed. "There's not a big chance they're going to take both of us."

Taako clicked his tongue, hands still on the jug. "They'd take you if you went on your own."

"We're not having this fight again, doofus." Lup stood up and pulled on her brother's hair. Taako pushed her away with his foot as he worked magic on the juice jug, the action turning into a casual fight between twins. The rest of the crew learned early on that this was normal twin behavior. "I'm not leaving you behind, and you're not leaving me behind."

"I think it's more likely both of you got in than me getting in." Magnus put his full weight on the counter, sulking. "At _least_ three got accepted--that means it could be more."

Merle groaned. "Not this again."

"You've got just as much of a chance as we do, you big lug," Lup said, directly after punching Taako in the kidneys.

"We're skipping over the big question," Barry said. "Why is Lucretia here in the first place?"

Everyone looked between each other, confused. "What?"

"They could have just kicked the twins out and had us run the simulation like normal. They could have put Lucretia in one of the next rounds. Anything to make the cabin less cramped."

Barry stood, tapping his fingers against the chair he just rose from. "But they made the cabin _more_ cramped."

"To add to the challenge?" Merle shrugged.

"Or to make it more like the _real thing?"_ Barry's eyes widened as he worked through the second half of his thought.

Lup squinted, looked towards Lucretia, and then back to Barry. "What are you getting at, Barry?"

"Captain Davenport wants _all of us."_

"Okay, back up like, eight steps there." Taako shook his head and waggled his finger. "That's a big leap, Bluejeans."

"Is it?" Barry walked over to the kitchen, avoiding the casual twin fight and walking towards Magnus. "I don't know about the rest of you, but doesn't this _feel_ like it's right? Like we're all _supposed_ to be here?"

"Is this some fate bullshit you're trying to pull on us?" Taako blew a raspberry. "What are you, an Istus follower?"

Merle pulled a book from...somewhere? It wasn't clear where. Maybe out of his ass. "Pan's more fun, I can tell you all about him." He drummed his fingers on the book. _Hopefully_ it didn't come out of his ass.

Barry pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses above his eyes. "It's not fate, I don't know who Istus is, and _Merle, we're not having this talk again."_

"No, Barry, I know exactly what you mean." Magnus clapped a hand over Barry's shoulder. "It's like magnetism!"

"Oh, so it's not just me," Lucretia said, letting out a relieved breath.

"You too, Lucretia?" Magnus grinned.

"Why do you think I approached you in class?" She smiled. "I do feel like there's a strange force linking all of us."

"Yeah, like--" Barry's whole face lost color. "What made you pick up my napkin, Lup?"

"I dunno." She shrugged. "It just looked important. I guess it...it kind of felt like it was demanding my attention?"

"And what were the chances of Merle bunking with me?" Magnus asked. 

"Actually, pretty large--the Institute was interested in you at that point," Lucretia said. "But didn't you see him before you met him at all? In the ring?"

"Holy shit." Barry brought out a piece of paper and started scribbling on it wildly. 

Magnus followed him. "What is it, Barry?"

"I need--some data." Barry looked over the room, made eye contact with everyone at least once. "Could we play a game? I need to test something."

* * *

"Who's staying sober tonight?" Taako asked, pouring drinks into plastic cups. He had at least twenty laid out.

"I will," Magnus offered, "It'd be bad if there was an emergency and I was drunk."

"Thank you, Maggie," Merle said, in mock-sweetness. "Here, have some Werther's." He dropped five or six caramel candies into Magnus' hands. They were sticky. 

"You want something other than water, though?"

Magnus grinned wide. "Ooh, do you have any hot chocolate?"

"Yeah, gimmie a sec." Taako turned to work his magic.

Lucretia sat herself down on the big couch, cracking her knuckles. "So what rules are we using?"

"It's normal _Never Have I Ever_ rules--you played that when you were a kid, right?" Lup passed out cups among the crew. Three each, and one cup of water for safety. "Except whenever a statement applies to you, you have to drink. You're out when you run out of drinks."

"And you have to drink at least past the line." Taako held up a cup and tapped the lines he drew on. "There's four lines on each cup."

"Three cups." Lup placed a set of cups in front of Merle. "Everyone good with that?"

The rest of the room gave approval. Lup handed out all the drinks, and Taako placed three cups of hot chocolate in front of Magnus.

"Thanks, Taako." Magnus unwrapped all his Werther's, dropped one into each cup, and stuffed the extras into his mouth.

Taako let out a shrill laugh. "Gross, but innovative." He put his cups in front of his seat and sat down. "Who goes first?"

"Never have I ever lost an arm wrestling match!" Magnus shouted without any permission.

Barry sighed and took a sip of his drink. Nobody else raised their glass. 

Magnus gawked. "Wait, you're all buff?"

"Not everyone gets into arm wrestling matches on the reg, Magnus," Lucretia said.

"Speak for yourself, I've won all of my matches." Lup flexed her arm.

"And I only had to drink because you beat me in arm wrestling within an hour of living with me." Barry pouted at his cups, unhappy that he was already losing. "Who's next? Are we going clockwise?"

"Counterclockwise," Taako said, just to be contrary.

Lucretia coughed and stood up, as if giving a presentation. She looked directly at Taako with a gleam in her eye. "Let's see...never have I ever had a black eye."

Magnus and Taako both cursed and drank.

"So you take 'em as much as you dish 'em?" Taako asked, keeping his voice as disinterested as possible.

"I was  _trying_ to save a dog."

"What a  _hero."_ He gagged. "You go, Merle.

The dwarf stayed lost in thought for a few minutes, struggling to think of something he _hasn't_ done. His eyes lit up as he thought of something. "Never have I ever killed a plant."

Magnus and Barry knocked one back. "I said I was sorry about Sharon," Magnus grumbled.

"Sorry doesn't bring my star ficus back to life." Merle turned to Barry. "And Barry, if you wanna stop killing plants, you could listen to one of my lectures."

"I'm good. _Thanks."_

"C'mon, kid, don't bust a nut just 'cause I offered ya something." 

_"Next question, **please."**_

Lup rubbed her hands together and stuck her tongue out. "Never have I ever slept alone." 

Barry, Magnus, Lucretia, and Merle groaned before taking a drink. Then, they all cried foul, voiced their protests.

"Rigged!"

"Not all of us are  _attached_ to another person!"

"Do you even _need_ to sleep?"

Taako grinned. "No, but it's comfy."

Merle threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! Never have I ever _meditated,_ how about that?"

Lup and Taako shrugged and swung back their drinks. Lup shoved Merle. "Since you asked out of turn, you lose your question on the next round."

"Sonofabitch!" 

Taako grinned at his sister before taking his turn. "Never have I ever kissed a girl." 

Barry, Lucretia, Lup, and Merle all took a sip. Lup shoved Taako, fire in her eyes. The twins were officially against each other now. This meant war. 

"Really? Never?" Merle asked, after noticing Magnus didn't drink. "No wonder he wants to kiss an alien."

Taako kicked Merle. "Shut up, maybe he's kissed a guy."

"I haven't. Not anyone." Magnus huffed. "And it's not a big deal. I'll get to it at some point."

"Yeah, you're a baby. Only, what, twenty one?" Lup giggled. "I didn't do anything until I was thirty."

"That's 'cause you  _pine._   It's infuriating." Taako rolled his eyes. "I swear, you'd stare at someone for fifty years if nobody stopped you."

"I would  _not."_  

"You  _would._ I bet I'd notice if someone was in love with you before  _you_ did." 

"I'm holding you to that." She laughed. "Barry, you're next."

"Never have I ever failed a class." 

Magnus whined and emptied his first cup. He glared at Taako. "I thought you were failing phys ed?"

"Haven't failed _yet."_

"Hopefully not  _going_ to fail," Barry corrected. The rest of the room nodded.

The questions were innocent enough until everyone was on their second drinks. None of them had ate, so the alcohol buzzed warm in their stomachs.

"Never have I ever..." Taako grinned, wicked and bright, shoving his face in Lup's personal space. His questions had rapidly become more and more specific, and Lup drank every time. _"Buried a dead body with my own two hands."_

Lup cursed and emptied her drink, slamming her second cup on the floor. "It was an emergency, and you know it, _and stop trying to sabotage me, that's cheating."_

"It's not cheating!"

"You're using information about me that nobody else would know!"

"I wanted to know if anyone else had buried a body!" Taako gestured to the rest of the room. "If there's any chance we have a serial killer in here, I'd want to know."

Lup rolled her eyes. "Fine, anyone else drinking?" 

Lup and Taako scanned the rest of the circle. Magnus shook his head, and the rest shrugged or put their cup down disinterested. After a moment, though, Barry nervously took a swig.

_"Barry?"_

He squirmed in his seat. "Don't act like it's a big deal."

"Who did you bury?" Lucretia asked.

"Huh? I didn't know his name." He shrugged. "Just some random dude."

Magnus grabbed at his hair and pulled. _"That's even WORSE."_

Taako sat on the edge of his seat, completely invested in Barry's corpse situation. "Okay, hold the fuck up--I'm taking my turn early--never have I ever killed a man?"

Barry stayed quiet for a moment, and then squeaked out, "On purpose?"

"Either."

"I--give me a minute, I need to think."

 _"WHY DO YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT?"_ Lup was  _losing her mind._

"It's an EASY QUESTION, _BARRY."_ Magnus bounced his leg, scared of the answer.

After two minutes of uncomfortable silence, Barry spoke up, tone too casual for the content of his words. "I raised him as an undead soldier, but then I had to kill him in mercy. Does that count as murder?"

"Yes," Lup and Lucretia said, just as Magnus, Merle and Taako said, "No."

Lup stared at the boys, equal parts disappointment and disgust. "What do you mean, _no?"_  

Magnus shrugged and moved his hands palms-up, as if weighing the situation. "If Barry raised someone from the dead and then killed them, then he's even. It balances out."

Lucretia shook her head. "It _absolutely does not."_

"It does," Taako said, laying back in his seat, reclined like a demigod in a Renaissance painting. "Raising someone from the dead is the opposite of murder, doing both one right after the other makes it a neutral action."

Lup buried her head in her hands. "Taako, you're going to _fail_ ethics."

"And I'm pretty sure the opposite of murder is giving birth," Lucretia added.

 _"That's_ what you had a problem with, Lucretia?"

Barry frowned and picked up one of his cups. "So wait, do I have to drink or not?"

"I think _I_ have to drink, hearing all this." And Lup did, downing her third cup in one gulp, taking her out of the game. "Who knew Barold Bluejeans was a necromancer?"

"I just did a little dabbling! I'm not making a habit of it."

"That's what they all say. First it's undead soldiers, then your loved ones, splitting souls into bits and injecting them into magical objects..."  Lup got up to pour herself another drink and gesturing wildly with her hands all the way there. "Then a few years down the road, _POOF_ , you're a lich."

"I'm not going to be a _lich,_ that's ridiculous."  Barry huffed. "I don't have an anchor strong enough to keep me grounded."

"And that's your _only reason_ to not be a lich? That you wouldn't be stable?" Lup leaned on the counter.  _"Fuck,_ Barry."

Barry threw back his last two drinks and took out the paper he scribbled on earlier. "I'm out, I didn't come here to be questioned about my  _hobbies."_

"Hobbies...like resurrecting the dead?" Lucretia asked.

"I don't ask what  _you_ do in your spare time." Barry fell quiet after that, working out something on the paper. 

With two players voluntarily kicked out, the game didn't last very long. Magnus was the first to lose all his cups, and Lucretia ended up winning. She didn't brag or celebrate--nobody did, they were all crowded around Barry, trying to decode his equations. Seemed like only the twins knew what he was writing about. Magnus sure didn't understand it. Barry must have hit some kind of epiphany, though--he copied the same equations on another piece of paper, written in better handwriting. He wouldn't say much about it the rest of the week. Stayed quiet. Nobody bothered him on it, either, but did tease him about his necromancy hobby. He would shrug that off, knowing the jabs were (mostly) in good nature.

The week came to a close, and nobody pressed the emergency button. Barry and Magnus had been right--it felt  _natural_ to share such a small space in this group. The doors opened automatically, and through them walked Captain Davenport, smiling and clapping. 

"Congratulations. This wasn't an easy test," Davenport said, a twinkle in his eyes. "I have something important to discuss with your group."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoOOOOAAAAA look at that, I finally set an end chapter. only 6 chapters left. we're almost done  
> it's BEEN A WHILE, huh??????? sorry for that gap. I can't actually guarantee an update next week either, because i'll be traveling, but I'll TRY. hopefully this chapter will tide you over until then!


	9. Magnus Gets Tutored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Magnus goes through a series of Persona-esque social links

The group left Davenport's personal office, shocked and out of breath.

Davenport had told them, in no uncertain terms, that they were going into space. All of them. Together.

Without words or plans, they all ran to their shitty bar together to celebrate. Because, where else would they go? It was tradition at this point. And once they went into space, they couldn't visit for two months. Two months--now that Magnus thought about it, it was a long time to be away from the planet. It would be nice if they had time to hang out before then, but that was looking more impossible by the second. They wouldn't have a lot of time to celebrate with all the exams coming up.

That was the one caveat to their acceptance. They had to pass a round of exams.

Each person had a specific set of exams they had to pass by a certain threshold. They had to be near perfect on some, but it didn't matter as much with others. It depended on their job. There was also something called a _bonds exam,_ but nobody was told how to prepare for it, and the requirements to pass were kept secret. It was useless to worry about it, so they all focused on studying for the exams that they actually had control over.

Magnus looked at all his exams. In ethics, physical education, and lab safety, he had to pass with a ninety percent. He had to get a seventy or above in Elvish and first aid, and as long as his calculus exam was above a twenty he was fine. It was difficult, but it wasn't the worst he could have gotten. At least he didn't have to take twenty different arcane exams like Barry, Lup, or Taako, and at least he didn't have to perform an autopsy in front of an audience like Merle. He envied Lucretia, who was done studying--she already passed hers months before--but she still offered to help everyone else.

They had one week.

One week was not a lot of time to study for so many tests.

So, they settled into a deal.

They each tutored each other in one subject.

* * *

Merle waddled into his and Magnus' dorm with three large gashes in his arm.

"I figure, since I'm supposed'ta teach you first aid, a little bit of hands-on learning didn't hurt anybody." Merle swung a first aid kit into Magnus' hands. "Except, in this case, it  _did_ hurt me." 

Magnus dropped the kit, kneeling down to Merle's level. "Whoa, _whoa,_ you didn't do this _yourself,_ did you?"

"Nah, it was an accident." He waved his hand nonchalantly, as if it didn't look like a giant monster ripped his arm in half. "But, hey, seemed like a good way to turn this into a lesson."

"Okay, uh--" Magnus picked the kit back up and sat in front of Merle. "Tell me what to do?"

A glint passed through his eyes. "You ever sew before?"

Merle walked him through the basics. He put some kind of numbing spell on his arm, and didn't seem like he was in pain even when Magnus pricked him in the wrong spots. Merle kept insisting that he would heal it with magic once Magnus was done, and to not stress over making it perfect. Still, it was _bad--_ Magnus didn't have the hands for this kind of delicate work. He was a slashing guy, not a craftsman. 

"So how _did_ this happen?" he asked, stumbling through his stitches.

"Barry an' Lup got in a bit of a spat, I got in the middle of it and caught the tail end of some nasty swipes."

"You should have called me, I'm the one that's supposed to keep the rest of you safe." Magnus tied off the second stitch and went to work on the third gash. "And you're way smaller than both of them."

"Doesn't mean I can't use words to calm 'em down."

"That obviously didn't work."

"Well, it didn't--but you should'a seen the look on both of their faces when I yelled out in pain."  Despite the situation, Merle was laughing. "I thought Bluejeans was gonna die right on the spot!"

Magnus tried to force a smile at that, but couldn't get it to work. He didn't like the thought of his friends fighting, but he hated that Merle got injured because of it. Maybe he'd talk to Barry and Lup about it--technically, it _was_ his job to keep them safe. It was unsafe if they'd fight so much that Merle dragged himself into it.

"Now, make sure to disinfect it," Merle said, pulling Magnus out of his thoughts.

"What happens if I don't?"

"Then I'd be back here in a few days beggin' you to chop my arm off with an axe."

"You can _die_ because someone didn't do stitches right?"

"Yeah, which is why I'm teachin' ya how to do it now." Merle winked. "Just in case."

Magnus laughed. "What if I just jumped straight to amputation and didn't even try to heal it?"

"You better not!"

"C'mon, how cool would it be to have a robot arm?" He nudged Merle with his elbow.

"I'd hate it! I'll keep all my original parts, thank you very much." He mumbled a spell and his arm healed with magic, undoing all of Magnus' bad stitchwork. "Can't solve all your problems with choppin', Maggie."

Magnus rubbed his hands together. "Try me."

"What if I got a cataract?"

"I'd chop your eye out."

"What if someone got poisoned?"

"Chop the poison out."

Merle lowered his head to look at Magnus over the rim of his glasses. He chuckled and slapped his hand across his knee. "Well, let's just hope that you're never in charge of first aid."

"I shouldn't be! We've got you!" Magnus smiled, and it was infectious enough to spread across Merle's face too. "As long as you don't beef it while trying to stop a fight, we'll be golden!"

Merle laughed again, harder, and high-fived Magnus once his arm healed up all the way.

* * *

Taako ran laps with him in the quad.

"You're not breathing right," Magnus said, slowing down to jog at Taako's side.

"My man, if I gotta _breathe_   different to run, it's not worth it." Taako wasn't running as much as he was briskly walking. Still sweat like he was running, though. "Means I'm not built for that shit."

"I breathe different when I run, and I think you can see that I _am_ built for it." Magnus puffed his chest out and grinned.

"I'm taking a break, this is fucking _worthless,"_ he said, slowing to a stop and sitting his ass down in the grass.

"Come on, you can do it!" Magnus leaned down, hands on his knees, and held his hand out to pick Taako up off the ground. "If you don't get the hang of it, Lup's gonna have to go up into space all on her own."

"Fine, fine, _shit--"_ He reluctantly took Magnus' hand. Taako took two more steps forward and flopped back down on the ground. "Actually, fuck this, I can't do it. Too much labor."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Is there another exercise you want to try?"

"Maybe I can try climbing the rope instead."

"You can't use magic to levitate yourself up the rope."

"Then what's even the _point?"_ Taako laid his back on the grass of the quad, completely giving up. "I swear, lemme try it, it might be easier. I only need to clear two of these exercises to pass."

"And you think _you_ can pass the rope test?"

Taako squinted, and seemed to settle on the idea that _yeah, no, scrawny lil' Taako isn't climbing any damn ropes._ "Fine, what are the other ones?"

"There's ten of them..." Magnus scratched his chin. "Think you can pass the stretch test?"

Taako stretched his leg straight up in the air and stuck his tongue out. "You're asking if I'm _flexible?"_

"I'm just thinking, maybe we can get you to pass the dexterity based tests instead."

"I doubt it," he said, more of a sigh than words. Overdramatic bastard. "Cha'boy's not a--a fuckin' _flip wizard,_ I'm not an acrobat!"

"Doesn't hurt to try."

"It _could."_ He put on a pout that looked too practiced. "Lup's the athletic twin."

Magnus groaned. "You're identical!"

"Yeah, so what's the point of _me_ learning this shit?" Taako sat up and picked at the grass absentmindedly. "We're never going to be apart, if I get stuck or hurt, she'll bail me out. 'S what twins are for, I'd do the same."

"But you wouldn't be able to bail her out, you're failing phys ed."

Taako baulked and laid a hand on his chest in mock offense. "Uh, I have _magic powers,"_ he said, without elaborating at all. Like this was some big reveal.

"Y-yeah? I know?" Magnus waited for Taako to explain, but it never came. He stood back up and held his hand out one more time, hoping Taako would take it seriously this time. "Listen--let's try something else? For your sister?"

He thought about it for a good moment, staring blankly at Magnus' hand. "Fine." Taako grabbed Magnus' hand and used it as leverage to get back on two feet. "Let's do the stretch test."

"Sounds like a good place to start!" Magnus smiled and pulled Taako by the arm across the quad.

Taako, surprisingly, followed behind without much resistance.

* * *

Barry tutored him on calculus while he worked in the lab.

It wasn't so bad because Magnus only needed to answer ten questions correctly to pass. Barry only touched on the absolute basics. He was a bit distracted during the lesson, and not because of the machinery he worked on in the lab. Magnus asked why.

"It's just--I'm stressed. From the tests. That's it." It was definitely _not_ it, and Barry wasn't one to hide things like this. The mysterious _bonds exam_ still hung over their heads, and even though Magnus didn't know what it is, it probably wouldn't be great if Barry was down in the dumps the whole time.

He took a shot at what he _thought_ was going on. "Merle said you've been fighting with Lup."

"Not a big deal," Barry said, in his _I'm_ _bad at lying so please don't press this_ voice.

"Doesn't the ship run on bonds?" Magnus ignored Barry's implied pleas. This was serious. "I think it's a huge deal."

"She's being unreasonable. I don't know what her problem is! She hates me for some reason and I don't know what it is." Barry set down his tools and leaned on the lab desk. "It's not like she'll tell me, either. I don't think I did anything, I think--I don't know, I can't even _guess."_

Magnus stayed quiet, knowing that Barry just needed a vent.

"I take back everything I said about her being the good twin." He stared at the wall, as if it had the answer to his problems painted on the side. "Taako doesn't take anything seriously, but at least he doesn't actively hate every cell in my body."

"That's unfair. Taako takes shit seriously."

"Oh." Barry stopped, a bad thought worming its way through his head. "So--you're taking the twins' side?"

Magnus shook his head and laid a hand on Barry's shoulder. "Barry--there's not a _side,_ we're all trying to get into space. We have a _bonds exam_ and I don't wan--"

"You don't want me to fuck it up?"

"Barry."

"Right. Uh. Sorry." Barry pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up to his forehead. "I know, I'm--this isn't good, but. I'm really tired, and--I guess, fucking _sue me_ if I don't want to go back to the dorm." He huffed, the frustration practically seeping out of his ears. "It's already crowded with Lup _and_ Taako in there at the same time, and, Lup just fucking _stares_ at me like she's expecting me to say something."

"You could sleep in mine and Merle's room?" Magnus let go of Barry, giving him a stern pat on the back. "We could just say we stayed up late studying."

"Yeah." Barry nodded. "Yeah."

The two walked off towards Magnus' dorm. This was only a temporary situation; they really needed to get this locked down before the week was over. "I think you should talk to her at some point, but it won't do a lot of good to do it when you're pissed off."

Barry just nodded again, not in the mood for words.

* * *

Lucretia ran over ethics questions with him in the library.

"These questions are awful, it's like there's no right answer." Magnus frowned down at his ethics book, which was asking him where he should hide a powerful superweapon that could level entire civilizations.

"I believe that's the point." Lucretia grabbed the book and flipped to the answer key. She hid it from Magnus. "So, what would you do?"

"I guess I'd...I dunno, I'd try and minimize the damage?" Magnus leaned his chin on the table like a sad dog. "If you put the weapon in a rural area with less people, it would have less of a chance of being used."

"What if it _does_   get used?"

Magnus straightened up in his chair. "Isn't that the end of the question?"

"It is, but I'm curious." Lucretia closed the book and folded her arms over it. "I think it's interesting to think beyond the actual question."

"Maybe once you put the weapon down, you could...I don't know, teach the people to be afraid of it?"

"It's a superweapon, Magnus, lots of people want to use that for their own benefit," she said, as if it was a fact everyone should know.

"Then I wouldn't tell them it existed!"

"That just increases the chances of someone finding it and using it without knowing." Lucretia frowned. She leaned forward in her seat, lowering her voice. "What if a child found it?"

"Then...I'd give it to the mayor or something?" Magnus shrugged. "Make sure they'd keep it safe and away from the people. That's a mayor's job, right?"

Lucretia nodded, running her fingers along the edges of the paper. She didn't seem to accept that answer fully. Magnus _did_ kind of phone it in. He wasn't sure why Lucretia took this question so seriously. Not like it would ever happen.

"What would you do?" he asked before she could move on.

She took a long time to answer, but finally settled on, "I would make them fear the origin of the weapon." Lucretia wouldn't look directly at Magnus, like she was guilty of something that hadn't even happened. "Create some kind of mythos around the whole thing. Have them think there's an enemy."

"Like, creating a bad guy?" Magnus thought about it, but disagreed. "But you're the one that put the weapon there, wouldn't you just be making _yourself_ the bad guy?"

Lucretia closed her eyes, steeling herself from her own answer. "It wouldn't be a good situation, but it's the best outcome."

"What if they hated you?"

"You can't always be a hero, Magnus." She looked Magnus in the eyes for the first time since she asked the question. "People aren't going to carve statues of you because you dropped a superweapon in their town."

"Just seems kind of unnecessary." He stared back at her, worried--it wasn't _great_ that one of his friends thought about self sacrifice on the regular. "There's gotta be a better way to do it."

"Sometimes there isn't." Lucretia slipped the ethics book into her bag and stood up. The library would close soon. "But that's alright, these are just crazy hypotheticals. Something like this wouldn't happen in real life."

"You're right," Magnus said, standing from his seat. He stretched his arms. "It's just a crazy test question. No use in worrying about it if it never happens to you."

Lucretia smiled up at him, warm and innocent. They walked out of the library together.

* * *

Lup sat with Magnus at lunch, both of them studying out of different books.

"What'cha reading, Lup?"

"Necromancy," she said, barely interested and distracted.

_"What?"_

She grimaced and shut the book. "Part of my arcane exams ask me to use spells outside of my specialty." Lup ran her hand along the book's spine, which was decorated in deer teeth. "I can't use transmutation, because I already know that one and I don't want to get accused of copying my brother."

Magnus hoped the look on his face read more as sympathetic than confused. "You think people would accuse you of that?"

"Maybe they wouldn't, but we've been pretending to be the same person for _so long._   And--obviously we're not the same person, but...I don't know, kinda feels like I'm an accessory to my brother sometimes? I'm sure he feels the same way, but he's keeping his mouth shut." She laid her head on the table, puffing her cheeks out in annoyance. "I'd like to just be Lup, and maybe if I do that enough, Taako will want to just be Taako."

"What's that mean?"

"Hmm..." Lup stopped talking for three solid minutes, staring blankly at the necromancy book. Magnus wondered if the question was too intrusive. She shrugged and her eyes came back to focus on him. "I'm thinking of dyeing my hair orange," she said, as if that answered anything at all.

"O...okay?"

"Or maybe red? What do you think?"

Magnus thought on it for a moment, but couldn't visualize the color on her. "I don't know a lot about...style?"

_"I'll say,"_   Lup said, an automatic response.

"Why don't you ask Taako?"

Lup deflated. "That's what Lucretia said, too." She picked one of the deer teeth off of the necromancy book, and didn't say anything more. Was she done with the conversation?

But, she didn't try to study again, and she did look _awfully_ disappointed. Magnus had to fix this.

"So...necromancy, huh?"

She lit right back up, grin spreading to her ears. "It's actually kind of cool? Playing around with dead shit? Once we get back from the mission I'm gonna try and reanimate a worm."

"I didn't think you'd be into it," Magnus said, relieved he got the conversation back on track. "What made you look it up?"

"I'm still, like, _super confused_ over Barry's interest in it." Lup frowned a bit as she talked about Barry. "Thought if I learned a bit about it I could see what got him into it. It's just-- _so fucking weird_ that a dude like _Barry Bluejeans_ is into necromancy."

"You could ask him."

Lup faked a gag and rolled her eyes. "Don't want to."

"Why not?"

For another long moment, she lost herself in her own thoughts. "I think he likes me more than Taako?" All the fight went out of her--she just looked so _disappointed._ "He always called me the _good_ Tostada--as if I didn't notice he was saying it."

"He said that in front of you?" Magnus asked--sure, he'd said it too, a few times, but he _had_ punched Taako in the eye on their second meeting. Rocky start. Things were better now.

"He might as well have. Dude's fucking _transparent."_

Lup lapsed into another bit of silence, and Magnus was too scared to push it. The rest of the group came over with all their food, so the conversation was just about over.

"Hey," she said, barely audible. "Do you think Taako's the bad twin?"

"Not really?" Magnus stayed quiet too, in case the others could hear him. "He's just different. We're friends. I think he's warming up to me?"

"That's good." Lup shoved the necromancy book in her bag. "I really couldn't live with you if you thought otherwise."

Lup waved the rest of the group over, as if none of this had ever happened.

* * *

Davenport followed him through the hallways one day.

"Captain," Magnus said, taking a moment to straighten his shirt.

"Burnsides," he answered back, a twinkle in his eye. "Can we chat?"

Magnus frowned. "Am I in trouble?"

"No."

"Is Merle in trouble?"

"No."

"The twins?"

"No--and I know you're about to ask about Barry and Lucretia, but no." Davenport took in a breath. "I just want to talk."

"Oh." Magnus shrunk in on himself, nervous. "About what?"

"Nothing in particular. Walk with me." Davenport walked down the hall, and Magnus followed. "Do you have any family?"

"Uh...parents? A couple uncles? I'm an only child."

Davenport rubbed his moustache. "I could hardly imagine that."

"You have siblings?"

"Sort of." The captain had to walk very fast to keep up with Magnus and his human legs. "My burrow was very large. A few hundred."

"Oh. Oh, gnomes, right..." It was kind of embarrassing how little Magnus knew about his (almost) captain. 

They passed by Davenport's personal quarters. Magnus thought the captain would leave him for the night, but he instead opened the door and stood there, waiting.

"Would you like to come in for a drink?" He gestured inside. "We're not allowed to have alcohol on the ship, and I figured I should get some in before launch."

"You drink?"

"Sometimes." The captain fished underneath his bed and pulled out a bottle of red wine. "You're of age, right? For humans?"

"Twenty-one, yeah."

"Good." Davenport poured some wine out, way past the point where a wine glass would be considered "full." 

"Wait a minute," Magnus said as he took the glass. "This is a dry campus!"

"And I'm the captain." He grinned. "Haven't I earned a little wine?"

Magnus laughed. "Sounds like something a wine aunt on Fantasy Facebook would say."

"Fantasy...Facebook?" Davenport's face screwed up so strangely when he was confused. "I've never heard of it."

And, of course, how could Magnus  _not_ spend the rest of the evening setting up a Fantasy Facebook account with his boss? It was a great way to learn about his captain--he had to ask so many questions while setting up the page. They took a few too many shitty pictures trying to get a good profile picture. Lucretia offered him a friend request almost immediately after the account was usable, and as the night went on, the rest of the crew friended him too.

"I should have done this a long time ago," he said after receiving (what Magnus  _hoped_ was) a sarcastically flirtatious message from Merle. 

"Why didn't you?"

"Other than the fact I hadn't  _heard_ of Fantasy Facebook?" He chuckled. "It's just--difficult to start talking, I guess. Do you know what I mean?"

"Not even a little bit." 

"I don't have a lot of chances to...talk to people? It's not as if I've been silenced or anything, but I'm just a pilot and the higher-ups only seem to care about my driving skills." Davenport poured himself another glass. "Lucretia is very nice, but I haven't--haven't really spoken that much with the rest of the crew. You all seem so close."

"You should come hang out with us!"

"We'll have a lot of time to do that once we get on the mission." 

"Doesn't mean you can't start now," Magnus said, grinning.

"I'm not really sure how to."

"Hmm." He downed the rest of his glass and jumped out of his seat. "If you burst through the doors while everyone was in the same room, they'd _have_ to let you in on the conversation!"

The captain held onto his seat, frightened by Magnus' sudden movement. "You want me to...burst through the doors?"

"Yeah, and maybe do like--" Magnus stood up, danced a little jig, and flashed a set of wild jazz hands. "This?"

Davenport copied the jazz-hands, wide-eyed and frightened. "Just...start dancing?"

"Say something, too. Something official and captain-like." He thought for a moment, and then added, "Like-- _I'm here now!"_ He punctuated the words with more jazz hands.

"That wouldn't work." Davenport took a sip of his wine, seriously considering his dramatic entrance. "What would you say?"

"I'd probably just jump in and go--" He jumped in place and put out his hands like a bear attacking. _"MAGNUS!"_

Davenport blinked wildly. "Your own name?"

"It's like you're announcing yourself to the world!" He did more jazz-hands. Once he popped the jazz hands, he just couldn't stop. "Oh, try _that_ with the dance!"

"Uh..." Davenport stood up and flashed a set of lackluster jazz hands. "Um, _Davenport!"_

"You sound too nervous. Do it like-- _DAVENPORT!"_

He shrugged, too nervous to raise his voice that loud. "Davenport?"

"No, that's not it at _all--"_ Magnus waved his hand, dismissing the whole thing. "Actually? Just come up with whatever feels natural on the spot. Read the room."

Davenport laughed, and said that he'd figure out a better way to make an entrance. They spent another half an hour looking up wine aunt memes on Fantasy Facebook before Magnus was late for a midnight study session with the rest of the crew.

"Well, Magnus," Davenport said once Magnus told him he had to leave. "Good luck on your exams. I'm rooting for you."

"Thanks, Captain."

Davenport waved and closed the door, leaving Magnus out in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow folks, it's been a WHILE since this one's gone up, huh??? I will warn ya'll, do NOT expect updates to be consistent again (i just started a new job!) but just know that this isn't abandoned (it's also....almost over??? oh noooo)  
> thanks for reading, everyone! and thanks for your patience!


	10. Magnus Defends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone failed their test.

Magnus felt pretty great walking out of the exam room.

Or, as great as he could be after sitting down and writing for five straight hours. He wrote _so_   much the past week. Sure, he was able to let out some steam during the physical test, but the rest of it was sedentary. So physically, he didn't feel great. Emotionally? The man was riding on a cloud. He was completely prepared for the tests. Even _calculus--_ he still didn't understand most of it, but he was confident that he got at least twenty questions right. That was enough to pass. The rest of the group was just as confident. Barry walked out of the exam with a big grin on his face, Merle bragged about his (not yet confirmed) success, and the twins hollered and shot out spells as they ran out of the exam room.

All they had to do was to wait for the tests to be graded.

And they all waited together. It felt wrong to be apart at this point.

It didn't matter if everyone on campus whispered when the group walked by. Didn't matter if they could hear the people that didn't make the cut whining around every corner. They had each other, even if there was still some strained fighting between Barry and Lup. But even though they all felt like they passed their tests, everyone had a sense that they were missing...something? As if all the criteria hadn't been met. As if they forgot a test.

Nobody ever came to them for a _bonds test,_ but that hardly seemed to matter.

When Saturday came, Davenport called them all into one of the ship hangars. All of the ships were parked in their garages, so he stood in a blank concrete expanse where a ship _should_ be. Behind him was a large metal grate, just about the size of a house. Lucretia stood beside him, holding thick packets in manila envelopes. As they walked up to meet Lucretia and Davenport, Lup punched Magnus in the arm.

"Holy _shit,_ think this is it?"

"Looks like it," Magnus said, unable to wipe the grin off his face.

"Figured they'd have this in the auditorium." Taako scanned around the hangar, acting bored but screaming on the inside. "Does nobody at this place have an ounce of performance in their bones?"

"I don't think it's about the drama, Taako, maybe they want to give us a chance to decline?" Magnus asked.

"Kind of boring," he said, but kept walking forward.

They stood in front of Davenport and Lucretia, at first in a big huddle. Davenport asked they all spread out. They formed a line in front of him, but not before Taako complained about having to _"act straight."_ Magnus high-fived him for that one.

Once they were all into place, Davenport clapped his hands once. The hangar echoed the clap, letting it reverberate around the room. "Congratulations, all of you!" He smiled wide. "You made it."

Lucretia moved down the line and started handing out packets. When she handed one to Magnus, she winked without smiling. He wondered why.

As she handed out the packets, Davenport kept speaking. "You've all worked so hard to get here, and I wish I could say you would have more time to celebrate, but we blast off in two days. We have a lot of things to cover before then."

Lup reached forward to grab her packet, but then noticed that Lucretia's hands were empty afterwards. Magnus, Barry, and Merle all had theirs, she checked. She looked to her left, where Taako stood. No packet.

"You forgot to give Taako a packet, Capp'n," she said, insistent.

"I'm sorry." Davenport took in a breath. "I didn't forget."

The entire line stood there in silence, until Taako coughed. "Uh, that's a--that's a pretty funny joke, but--"

"It isn't a joke."

Another gap of silence. Lup looked like she was going to set her packet on fire. Instead, she just asked, "Why?" Her voice was smaller than anyone had ever heard it.

"Taako failed his physical education test."

Taako shook his head. "No I didn't, I--I got a twenty percent. That's all I needed."

Davenport steeled himself and brought out a file. "Your file says you were given a nineteen."

"What?" Taako leapt out of line and stole the file, flipping through it wildly. "But I--I uh, I did the--fuckin', I passed the stretch test and the--uh, the--the swimming thing? I passed both--both of those, what the fuck?" He looked between the file and the rest of the group, who had fallen out of line to stand behind him.

"No, the requirements for the stretch test are different for elves than for humans." Lucretia finally spoke up. "You have a natural dexterity bonus, it would be unfair to grade you the same way."

Magnus lifted the file out of Taako's hands. He found the physical education grade--he was supposed to get twenty percent, but was only given a nineteen. His stretch tests was fine, though--he passed the number the examiner required. "Now, hold on, he passed the number that was on the study guide!"

Merle stepped forward. "Yeah, if there was really a difference, you should have written that down!"

"I'm sorry, I'm not in charge of any of this." Davenport wrung his hands. He looked about as upset with this as the rest of them did. "I tried to appeal to the examiner, but..."

Lup frowned. "You couldn't?"

"No. I'm sorry." 

"It's _one_ point!" Magnus said. He didn't realize he was shouting until Barry put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"This is a very delicate mission, Magnus. I understand why you're all upset; I am too, I don't believe it's fair either." Davenport took the file out of Magnus' hands. "But we can't allow Taako onto the ship."

Lup answered immediately, not even blinking. "Then I'm not going."

Taako pushed her. "Lup, c'mon--" 

"I can't do it--"

_"Lup--"_

"I'm serious, I can't go--even--even if you're okay with it, I can't--" She stepped back away from the group, crushing the packet in her hands. "I don't think I'd be good, like, mentally?"

"Bullshit, you've been complaining _all week_ that people think we're _attached--"_

"There's a difference between that and _letting them leave you behind!"_  

Davenport walked forward and looked up at Lup, trying to offer some comfort. "Lup, it's only two months. It's practically the blink of an eye to an elf."

Lup looked like she was about to punch Davenport's face in, but took a breath and restrained herself. "What if something happened?" she asked, slow, trying her best not to lose her cool. "To the ship. And we--what if we--don't make it back?"

"Nothing is going to happen to the ship," Davenport said. "We have been working on it for almost a year now, and there isn't any way it's going to crash. I'm certain this thing could survive the apocalypse if it came up."

"Still, something _could_ go wrong." 

"That's not--"

"I don't care if it's not probable, I'm not leaving my _brother_ alone on this _stink-planet--"_

"Lup, please. Be reasonable," Barry said, barely above a whisper.

"You think I'm not?" She walked over to grab Taako. "I can't--you have no idea what it's like. You can't call this unreasonable."

"I can, and I am! You're both adults, why can't you act like it?" Barry's voice was calm, but it looked like steam was about to pop out of his ears at any second. "He's not a fucking  _baby,_ I'm pretty sure he doesn't need to be watched. It's not like you're leaving Taako _alone_   here."

Somehow, Taako knew to grab onto Lup's arm before she did anything she regret. Something like punching Barry right in his face--which, it looked like she had full intention to do, with her fist in the air like that. He wasn't even holding her back as much as he was just...lazily holding her arm. The act was enough to hold her back, though. Taako didn't say anything as he grabbed on, but Lup turned around and started speaking to him in hushed Elvish.

 _"Let me go, Taako,"_ she said. Magnus wasn't an expert in Elvish but he recognized that she was speaking in the same dialect that Taako did when he didn't care to teach Magnus the "proper" pronunciation. 

Taako spoke breezily, as if this wasn't his problem. _"You'll lose the position if you punch a nerd."_

 _"I don't care if I lose it, it's already lost."_   Lup put her fist down. _"Magnus punched a nerd and he's standing right there."  
_

_"Magnus also knows Elvish,"_   Magnus said, in Elvish. 

 _"Magnus didn't punch a nerd, he punched_   _ **me** \--"_

_"--and **you're** a nerd--"_

_"--just--don't fucking punch him, Captain's_   _right there--"_ Taako flicked his eyes to Davenport a few times. _"Do it on your own time, later."_

"Fine," she said, in Common. 

Magnus whispered a warning to Barry, knowing he'd have to defend himself from being punched later. Lup took a second to compose herself before approaching Barry again. 

"Barold," Lup said, in the coldest voice she could muster. "Do you have a mother?"

"Y--yes?" Barry's face twisted in confusion, thrown off guard. "What does that have to do with--"

"What's her name?"

"Ma--Marlena, but, again, how does that--"

"Marlena Hallwinter? That's a beautiful name." Lup's smile wasn't warm--it threatened to freeze over the entire hangar. "Hey, Taako?"

It took a moment for Taako to snap out of his own thoughts. "Yeah?"

"What's our mother's name?"

He frowned. "How the fuck am I supposed to know that?"

A flash of realization passed through Barry's eyes. "That's--"

"Barry," she said, voice sweet but with a firm tone. "You want to back off from whatever dumbass thing you were about to say?"

"I'm sorry," he said, and backed away.

"That's the smartest thing you've said today." Lup turned back to Davenport, still as calm as possible. "Captain, I can't go on this mission by myself."

"I understand, but maybe you should think on it before making a formal decisi--"

"Captain, I'm serious." Lup handed her packet back to Lucretia. "I decline my position, give it to someone else."

"Alright." Davenport sucked in a breath. "It won't be the best, but we do have two other arcan--"

Magnus held his packet out to Lucretia too, but didn't hand it off yet. "If Lup and Taako aren't going, I'm not going either."

Lucretia frowned. "Magnus?"

"It's not right to kick out a member of the crew because he didn't _stretch_ far enough." He walked back over towards Lup and Taako, packet still in hand. "I can pick up the slack of any physical work that Taako would ever need to do, he doesn't need to pass the test."

"Hey, man, if you wanna ruin your fuckin' life out of solidarity, I'm not, not complaining there, but--" Taako searched for an appropriately distant yet believable excuse. "You're the only person I can count on to go suck an alien dick in my place."

Magnus clapped a hand over Taako's shoulder and gave him a big thumbs-up. "I'm only sucking an alien's dick if you're right there next to me, Taako."

Taako lost himself to a fit of laughter for a moment, but he collected himself near-immediately. "Can't say I'm into that, but, hell yeah, fuckin' kinky," he said with an impressively nonchalant face. "Listen, I--I don't like it, but I can _get_ Lup not going, I can--put myself into that headspace, but, uh--you're also kind of an idiot, and this might be the only chance you get to go into space."

"Gee, _thanks."_  Magnus rolled his eyes like a teenager.

"Don't give me that face, you barely passed your fuckin' Elvish class."

"Just look at who I had as a teacher!"

Taako sneered. "I did _fine,_ you--look, I could teach a _ten-year-old_ planar physics and it wouldn't be as frustrating watching you stumble over noun tenses."

 _"Why_ do nouns have tenses anyway?!" Magnus took in a breath. He knew that if he got into this fight with Taako now, it would never stop. "Look, it's not important--Captain, if you don't let Taako on the ship, I'm rejecting my offer." He walked back up to Lucretia and dropped his packet in her arms for real.

Davenport clapped his hands once, wanting to move on. "Well, that's disappointing, but--"

"And I am too." Barry raised his hand and walked up to Lucretia, handing his packet back over. He turned his head to the twins, apologetic. "It's the least I can do. Sorry."

"Wait, you're--" Lup held on tight to Taako, looking between him and Barry. "You're giving up your whole stake on this mission just to apologize to us?"

"I'm not apologizing to you, Lup, I'm still mad at you. And also Magnus said that you're going to punch me later? I'm not a fan of that." Barry put his hands together and looked over the rims of his glasses at Taako. "But, Taako, I--I used to call you the bad Tostada, when I could tell the difference between you two, and--and that was shitty."

"Used to it." He shrugged.

"Yeah, but--" Barry pushed up his glasses. "Magnus is a pretty good judge of character, and, you two get along pretty great. I should have tried harder." He looked truly sorry. If they didn't know Barry better, they might have thought that he was about to cry (no, that was just his nervous face). "Maybe if we were better friends, we would have been able to practice for the physical education test together--it, uh, might have helped to have someone else who wasn't it top shape."

Barry's words scrubbed all the frustration out of Taako's face, leaving only confusion. "How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that?"

"You say 'thank you,' doofus." Lup elbowed him so hard he had to grab onto Magnus so he wouldn't fall. She smiled. "Thanks, Barry."

"--and if the rest of these kids aren't goin', you can count me out of the mission too," Merle said, dropping his packet on the ground. He sauntered over to the rest of the group.

"Nobody asked, old man," Taako said, the annoyance coming back full force.

"Didn't have to." Merle patted him on the butt. Taako kicked him in his. This was the start of something horrible.

Magnus knelt over. His hand covered Merle's entire back. "Are you sure, Merle?"

"It wouldn't be as great goin' into space without the rest of you." Merle brushed off the whole thing like he was denying extra fries at a fast food restaurant. Reluctant, but with the knowledge that it wasn't the worst fate in the world. "I don't see myself enjoying any bit of it if you're all not there."

"Yeah," Magnus said, offering a smile. "Same here."

"Me too, even if you _do_ make me want to vom on the reg." Lup raised her hand and Taako took the high five. Barry nodded along.

"Well," Davenport said, hesitant. "I'll have to say, it's going to be difficult to find five new crew members in two days."

Merle stuck his tongue out at Davenport. No need to act official now that he resigned. "Yeah, think about that the next time you start pulling out these ridiculous requirements!"

Davenport just laughed in response, and then coughed the official gravitas back into himself. "So, none of you are coming on this mission? That's it?"

"Not unless you let Taako on, too," Magnus said. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"What if I said you would be paid twice as much?" Davenport asked.

"You can't bribe us, man," Lup said. 

"I'd rather live off shitty noodles and hard tack than support a company that threw out a good arcane scientist just because of one test point," Magnus said, chest puffed out all heroic. 

Barry frowned. "You'd still get paid the same amount, Magnus, they're not _firing_ us."

Davenport raised both brows. "And if we were?"

That put a bad taste in everyone's mouths. Would they really get fired by rejecting this mission? 

Lup spoke up first, shrugging. "Eh, we've been poor before."

"I know I already said it, but I can live off of shitty food for a  _long_ time," Magnus said.

Taako sneered. "I saw you eat raw macaroni once, you eat shitty food because you like it."

"You could all crash with me for a while," Barry offered. "I still have a place back home."

"Good, 'cause I'm not going back to my old place." Merle stood next to Barry. "They wouldn't take any of 'ya anyway, really insular." 

They all nodded along with each other and tried to come up with ways they'd survive outside of the Institute. Davenport and Lucretia watched them: Davenport was shocked, but Lucretia watched as if she expected this from the beginning. Eventually, Davenport coughed and broke the group out of their plans.

"I suppose I shouldn't have been worried that any of you would fail the bonds test." Davenport produced another packet out of his jacket and handed it out to Taako. "Taako, you've earned this."

Taako took the packet, bewildered. "This was a set-up."

Davenport winked. "Just because a guy in an official-looking jacket tells you something, it doesn't make it true."

"I told you they could do it," Lucretia said, handing everyone's packets back out.

"I never said they couldn't." Davenport beamed at everyone, stretching his face so that his mustache almost touched his eyes. "I'll be happy to work with you. All of you."

Lup stepped forward. "So, Taako's--"

"He passed his test, that wasn't a problem." He frowned, apologetic.  "I apologize for lying to you. We just had to confirm that the bonds between you are strong." 

"Why?" Magnus asked. 

"I think that is fairly obvious," Davenport said, "You all know what the ship's engine runs on.

 _"Bonds,"_ Barry said, breathless.

"Exactly." Davenport walked towards the metal grate. "If--say, Lup was right, and we run into a problem outside of the planar system--we need  _something_ to be able to keep the engine running sustainably on our own." He stood right on the edge of the grate, but didn't pass it. "And I think there's a good chance that the five of you could run the ship all on your own."

"So it's a  _friend_   ship." Magnus stroked his sideburns.

Davenport took in a stiff breath. "I will fire you _for real_   if you ever say that again."

"Would you say it's a  _friend_ ship?" Merle asked. 

"You--you know I just said that, right?" Magnus frowned.

Merle gawked. "You stole my joke?!" 

"I said it first!" 

Davenport put up his hand to stop the two from squabbling. When that didn't work, Lup stepped on both of their feet. 

"Thank you, Lup," he said. "I think all of you should have some time to celebrate, so I'm letting you off for the day. Make sure to read everything in your packets, and we will meet in my office at eight tomorrow morning. We have a press conference in the evening, and then we're blasting off the next morning. If any of you have questions, feel free to come see me in my office or my quarters."

Everyone nodded or gave some sort of affirmative, but when they tried to walk away Davenport stopped them. 

"But before you go, I just have one last question for all of you."

Davenport reached into his pocket and brought out a remote. A mechanical whirring sound filled the group's ears as the swath of metal behind the captain opened up. Slowly, a pristine white ship lifted out of the compartment. It was the size and shape of an old sea caravel, but with a slightly bigger hull. The deck of the ship had a retractable glass bubble that deployed in low-oxygen atmospheres, and instead of sails there was a ring of light spinning on the back end of the hull. As this ship rose out of its compartment, the wind kicked up around them, blowing their hair and clothes in wild circles. The Institute of Planar Research and Exploration logo was painted on both sides of the hull in new, glittering paint. Beside it sat the name of the ship, straight out of the Research and Development team's mind and written in brilliant, bold letters: 

_The Starblaster._

Something tugged at Magnus' heart as he looked up at it, only one word flooding through his mind: _Home._

The captain turned back to the group--his _crew,_ and smiled with a fierceness that none of them had seen before.

"Would you prefer a jacket or a robe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THREE! CHAPTERS! LEFT!
> 
> thanks for all of your support, everyone! we're almost there!


	11. Magnus Takes a Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gang tries to get Davenport in on the action.

When Magnus and the rest of the crew walked into Davenport's office at eight in the morning, they expected they'd have to do some extra training before the press conference that afternoon.

Instead, Davenport took them on the deck of the Starblaster for some hands-on learning.

Barry was excited to see the engine. He had read how it worked, seen the prototype, knew how to maintain it, but seeing it in action was a whole other experience. Taako and Lup scrounged through the kitchen, impressed at how well-stocked it was. They were already discussing recipes they wanted to try out together. Merle frowned when he noticed the plastic potted plants. He immediately requested that he replace them with _his_ plants. Lucretia had seen the ship before, but she smiled and recorded the rest of the crew's reactions.

Looking at the Starblaster had made Magnus feel like he was home, but being _inside_ the ship felt like he had lived there for a hundred years. He had never seen the inside before, but seeing his friends and his captain excitedly poking around inside felt familiar.

But not too familiar.

But not too _not_ familiar?

Magnus wanted to get to know the captain better. They'd be cramped up in the same space for two months, he needed a good read on the man.

He watched Davenport and Lucretia discuss what sorts of things she should pay the most attention to while chronicling their journey. He saw Merle introduce his plants to the captain, and when he got a little too sexual, Davenport walked off with a bright red tint in his face. He scolded Barry and Lup a bit for their spat--they had almost failed the bonds test because of it. Taako offered to show him some cool tricks, but he knew that it was a setup to a prank. Gnomes had a reputation for being jovial and fun, but Davenport kept his tight, official persona around the crew. Magus saw it torn off in his personal quarters that one time, but he hadn't done it around the rest, yet. He wondered why.

And, because Magnus was never very subtle, he asked Davenport why.

"Well, Magnus, I'm--I'm sure that we'll have some downtime during the mission to bond. Not very much, it _is_ only two months, but..."

"You could do the dance!"

"I'm not doing the dance." Davenport crossed his arms, a bit annoyed by the suggestion. "I don't want to look like a fool in front of my crew."

"Come on, they love that kind of shit. It'd be hilarious!" Magnus pressed a hand to his chin, thinking about how exactly the dance would go over. He sighed, and added, "Taako and Merle might make fun of you."

"Exactly, I don't want to give them the wrong impression." The captain straightened his jacket and fixed his posture. "This ship may run on bonds, but I don't have to be everyone's best friend to be bonded with all of you. A captain and crew bond is just as strong."

"It could be stronger if we were all friends!" Magnus knelt down and pat Davenport on the back. "You've got that Fantasy Facebook account now, they've accepted your friend requests."

"I think that's more useful to stay in touch _after_ the mission is over." He chuckled a bit, and then coughed to hide it. "We've got work to do, Magnus, it's not all fun and games on this ship."

"But _some_ fun and games, right?" Magnus grinned.

"Yes, _some."_ Davenport smiled back, but that didn't last long. Seconds later, Lup and Taako crashed into the common room, both falling face-first onto the floor followed by a magical blast of sparkles and smoke. The sound scared the _shit_ out of Davenport, his feet skittering across the floor as he jumped away from the noise. "What are you two _doing?"_ he asked, voice frazzled.

"Taako tried to rig a trap onto the door of our room and _forgot to tell me about it,"_ Lup said, coughing glitter out of her lungs. "Really, Taako? How necessary _was_ this?"

"We haven't shared a room alone since we got to the Institute, just tryin' to make it our own space." Taako blew the hair out of his face, acting as flippant and detached as possible.

"Please don't modify anything on the ship," Davenport said, once he had collected himself.

"You might want to tell that to Lucretia." Lup pointed her thumb further down the hall. "She's got some weird shit going on in her room.

Davenport huffed and scurried down the hall. Lup picked herself off the ground, but Taako propped himself on his elbows and stayed put on the floor.

"What's Lucretia doing in her room?" Magnus asked.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, I fucking lied." Lup dragged Taako by the leg towards the couch. He didn't complain, just flopped over like dead weight. "Hey, Magnus, you think Capp'nport is being a little..."

"...bit of a hardass?" Taako grinned.

"A little _distant,"_ Lup corrected. "Like, is that just us? I asked him if I could drop the mic at the press conference and he said _no_ , I mean, does he not know what fun is?"

Taako blew out a raspberry. "I think you should do it anyway."

"Oh, yeah, I'm _definitely_ going to, nobody's stopping me, but _still."_  Lup flopped down on the couch, still holding onto Taako's leg. He was like a ragdoll, laid out on the floor in front of the couch with his legs up on the cushions.

"He was a lot friendlier to me when he had me alone in his office. Maybe he doesn't do well with crowds?" Magnus sat down next to Lup, thinking of a solution to all this.

"What's up in here?" Merle asked, waddling in from his room. He sat down on the floor next to Taako's head.

"Captain's being distant, we're trying to come up with a solution," Lup answered.

"We could just get him really drunk." Taako grinned from the floor and winked. "That's how we got Lucretia to like us."

Lup shook her head. "Lucretia and Magnus were already friends." She clicked her tongue against her teeth and added, "does he even drink?"

"He does," Magnus answered, "but I've only seen him drink wine."

The rest of the group swiveled their heads to watch Magnus. He sweat a bit from all the attention. The three of them looked like they were all coming to the same conclusion, eyeing Magnus suspiciously.

Merle squinted. "Davenport and Magnus seem pretty chummy, don't they?"

"Point taken." Taako pulled his leg away from Lup and folded his arms on the couch cushion, still not sitting properly. "Magnus, you got anything?"

"I've been trying." Magnus twiddled his thumbs and frowned. "He's really serious about the mission."

"Please don't talk about me behind my back," Barry said, walking out of his room. He leaned over the back of the couch, frowning at Lup and Taako.

Taako waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, no, we're not talking about you. It's the captain."

"Huh. I guess he is?" Barry rested his chin over the back of the couch. "He's the captain, though, isn't he supposed to take it seriously?" Barry scrunched up his face, straightened up, and folded his arms. "Aren't we all supposed to take it seriously?"

"Mmm, nope! Barold, I thought we were done with this." Lup stole Barry's glasses off his face and inspected them as she spoke. "Like, sure, we're taking it seriously, but let us _live_ a little, yeah? If we can't have a rager in space, then, what's even the point of this mission?"

"Okay, yeah, you're--you're right." Barry pawed at Lup, trying to wrestle his glasses out of her hands. "Can I have those back?"

"No," she said, putting the glasses on her own face. "Now _I'm_ the nerd lord."

Magnus high-fived her for that one.

Barry stepped around the couch carefully and found one of the other chairs, resigned to his fate of blindness. "If you're all worried about Captain Davenport, why don't you just ask him?"

"Where's the fun in that, Barold?" Taako pressed his cheek into the cushion of the couch. "I say we just fuck with Davenport until he gets the picture, we don't have to _rush_ anything."

"You'll fuck with him anyway," Magnus said.

"He's really not my type." Taako grinned up to his ears. "Cha'boy's still laser-focused on sucking that ET dick."

Lup knocked him upside the head with her foot. "You know your actual, for-real sister is in the room with you right now, right?" She took off Barry's glasses and grimaced at Taako's shit-eating grin. "I hate you."

"You're stuck with me."

"Yeah, so are you, smartass." Lup threw Barry's glasses over to him. He missed the pass, but they fell into his lap because of her good throw. She stood up out of her seat. "I'm still going to try and get him drunk."

It was as good of a plan as any. Communal drinking was an important part of their friendgroup now. They didn't _need_ it, and they were all smart enough to be safe about it, but it was a fun way to cut loose. Most of them were young enough to bounce back from any hangovers fairly quickly, and out of the two that weren't, one had a racial tolerance of alcohol (Merle) and one didn't care about his health enough to take notice (Barry). Getting Davenport in on their drinking times might loosen him up enough to let that air of professionalism dissipate.

Merle coughed. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Hell yeah, plant fucker, let's get crazy with this." Lup and Merle ran into the kitchen, searching the fridge together.

Barry slipped his glasses back onto his face. He didn't look like he was all in on this plan, but he had also fought enough with Lup to know that he wouldn't win if he brought up his worries. Taako seemed like he gave no shits, as he did with everything. Magnus decided that whatever Lup and Merle were doing in the kitchen would be enough, and that he wouldn't get involved in it.

It didn't take long for a disgruntled Davenport and a confused Lucretia came running out of her room. Davenport pointed a finger straight at Taako.

"Help me figure out what Lucretia did to modify her room."

"Hell yeah, let's get this show on the road!" With a flourish that someone who claimed to have low acrobatics wouldn't be able to pull off, Taako lifted himself off the floor and ran into Lucretia's room.

"Taako, don't--" Lucretia cursed under her breath. "If you do anything to my room, I _will_ figure out a way to get you back."

"Can't hear you!"

Davenport pinched the bridge of his nose and walked into the kitchen, right into Merle. Lup and Merle smiled down at him, excited to get their little plan into motion.

"Are we allowed to drink on this ship?" Lup asked, grinning to her ears.

"Not during the mission," Davenport said, his lips drawn in a firm line.

Lup and Merle deflated. So much for having a fun mission. It made sense, though. They might get into deep trouble on the mission if they were shitfaced. But it definitely threw a wrench in their plans to get friendly with Davenport.

"...But," he added, a glint in his eye.

"But?" they asked in a curious chorus.

"We're not on the job _yet."_ Davenport held out his hand before Lup and Merle could go crazy on him. "Just _one,_ we have the press conference in a few hours and I don't want any of you to miss it."

"We'll take what we can get," Merle said, chuckling on every word.

Lup dabbed, overjoyed, and bottle flipped a gallon of orange juice onto the counter. It landed perfectly, and Lup dabbed a second time. "Fucking _awesome,_ I'll go ahead and turn this shit into rum--"

"Hold on." Davenport waved Lup away from the orange juice. "If you'll give me a few minutes to run and fetch it, I did have something prepared."

"Yeah, awesome, go for it!"

Davenport came back half an hour later with a fancy bottle of champagne in his arms. Magnus hadn't had champagne before--that's rich people's alcohol--but he wasn't the kind of person to turn down something new. The ship wasn't outfitted with champagne flutes, so cheap coffee mugs had to do.

Still tasted pretty good. Bubbly. Crisp.

It wasn't alcoholic enough to put any of them out of commission over one cup, but it definitely got Davenport to loosen up a little. He laughed at a few less-than professional jokes, and didn't even complain when Magnus and Taako made bets on who would get to fuck an alien first. And he wasn't a bad guy once he opened up a little. Not that he was a bad guy before, but it was difficult to connect when there was a jungle of red tape around him. Even Lucretia, who had spent the most time with him, learned a few new things about his personal life.

Most of it was tied so closely with his job, like his life _was_ the mission.

Davenport grew up with a large family, but came to the Institute as soon as he obtained his degree and his piloting license. He'd been with the Institute for so long that there was really no other choice--he was the only person conceivable that could fly the Starblaster. He had a bit of a wild streak, although it was still toned down in front of the crew. He had to take anger management classes in his youth. He admitted that, if they were stranded on an alien planet for an extended period of time due to an accident, that he'd probably start kissing aliens, too. He did, in fact, have a sense of humor, but he didn't take it out too often. He wanted to be taken seriously.

Maybe they'd get to hear his jokes after the two months were over.

"You know what?" Davenport ran fingers around the rim of his mug, staring outside of the ship. They still had a few hours before the press conference, and now everyone was just chilling. "I haven't flown this ship yet."

The rest of the room stayed dead silent for a few moments, not sure at what Davenport was getting at.

Lucretia coughed. "...Yeah?"

"Are you going to be okay to fly it in the morning?" Barry asked, an extremely nervous crack in his voice.

"I've done enough simulations and prototypes to be comfortable flying it. That's not the problem." Davenport watched outside. "I just haven't flown this specific one."

"You'll get to do it tomorrow," Magnus said.

"Oh, I know." Davenport turned back to look at the rest of the crew, that same wild glint in his eye. "But that's for work."

A grin crawled onto Lup's face, but the rest of the crew still looked confused.

"What are you getting at, Captain?" Merle asked.

"I'm thinking...joyride?" Davenport put his mug down. "Nothing crazy, just a low fly around the area."

"Holy shit." Magnus fell out of his seat, stood up, and then bounced around like an excitable dog. "Yes?? Yes, can we--can we go right now?"

Barry was the only one who didn't seem immediately psyched by the idea. "Won't we get caught?"

"I don't care." Davenport walked towards the pilot's room, the rest of the crew following behind like ducklings. "The executives are so busy getting ready for the press conference anyway, it's not a big deal."

"You've been drinking," Lucretia said.

"If you think I'm too drunk to drive after _a half_ mug of champagne, you don't know how good gnome tolerance is." Davenport sighed. "If you don't want to, it's fine, just leave the ship. But I'm going. Make your decisions soon."

"Well, _fuck,_ let's get it started, then!" Taako shook Lup by the shoulders, absolutely stoked. "Let's just skip the whole mission entirely and--and go off the fuckin' grid, right now!"

Davenport chuckled and unlocked the pilot's room. "We're not going to go that far. Just a little ride. I've been waiting my whole life for this mission, it would be disappointing if I wasn't there to finish it out."

There wasn't a lot of space in the room. It was fit for a gnome, which made sense. Davenport _had_ been the only candidate for captain since day one. The rest of the crew filled in as best they could. Magnus, the largest, stayed at the back of the room, while Merle got to sit right up next to Davenport. The Captain rubbed his hands together and pressed a few buttons, pulled a few levers. He put both hands on the yoke, turned his head to the crew, and winked.

"All of you ready?"

He didn't even wait for them to answer before pulling the yoke towards his chest, sending the Starblaster into flight.

Magnus felt his heart fly two feet behind him as the ship took off. He felt displaced and heavy, as if the gravity holding him to the ground was multiplied. Magnus fell against the wall, and caught Lup as she fell back against him. Maybe they weren't meant to be standing as the ship took off.

After the liftoff, the floor leveled out and Magnus was able to pick himself off the wall. He leaned forward and saw the landscape out in front of Davenport's window. It passed by so fast, faster than any vehicle Magnus had ever been in. All of the crew looked just as enamored with the sight as Magnus did, eyes glued to the window in awe.

"Can I learn how to fly this?" Magnus asked, in awe as he watched the landscape whiz by.

"Not for _this_ mission," Davenport said, focused on his flight. "Maybe after we come back I can give you a lesson."

"I think I'd be good at it, though! I've got vehicle proficiency."

"No you don't," Merle said, face scrunched up.

Magnus grit his teeth. "Shut up, I'm trying to convince him to let me fly the ship."

Davenport rolled his eyes. Seemed like he wanted to enjoy the ship by himself. "Why don't you all go walk the ship? The view is better on the observation deck."

Lup and Taako were out before Davenport could finish his suggestion. Magnus wasn't too far behind. They went out to the deck, where they could better see the world fly by. It was a little disorientating, but beautiful. Lucretia sketched some of the things she saw. Barry and Taako stayed by the walls, a little motion sick. Lup was right at the front, hands to glass. Merle must have stayed in the pilot's room with Davenport. Even though Davenport wasn't in the room, they could see how much he enjoyed the flight with all the turns and dips and fun maneuvers he performed. And, Magnus...

Magnus felt something in his chest again, something he could only describe as a bond. The engine whirred silently at the back of the ship, without any fear that it would ever run out of power.

Nobody spoke to each other, just stood and watched the ride in awe. None were sure how long they were at it, but it had to have been an hour, at least. When Davenport landed the ship in the hangar, he had to speak to some executives--no doubt he got into a _bit_ of hot water after the stunt. But as they all walked to the press conference together, Davenport winked at them again, not guilty of his little joyride at all.

He was going to be a good captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can ya'll believe..........there's only two chapters of this left..............i'm going to try and finish it up within the next couple weeks so that i can focus on my other fics, so hopefully it'll update again next week!!
> 
> almost there!! next time, magnus gets Launched Into Space


	12. Magnus Gets Launched Into Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time.

A few hours before liftoff, the crew found themselves chilling in a holding room. It was nice--a comfy room they usually let executives and investors hang out in. Sleek artwork that cost more than a couple of their salaries, plush couches that would be so nice to fall asleep on. A fancy stone of Farspeech hung on the wall, more of a large statement piece than something that was meant for actual communication. They took advantage of the free stocked minifridge (so much that Taako tried to figure out a way to sneak it onto the ship--"It says it's free!"). They had packed everything inside the Starblaster already (which wasn't a lot--most of it was personal items, the ship was stocked very well), and were just waiting for Davenport to finish some speech and get the liftoff started. Everyone gathered in the common room, winding down after their previous night of bar fights and hangovers. Lup and Taako wore someone else's shoes. Barry had a bad hangover. Merle had a cut on his eye. And Magnus--

"Oof, this is a nasty one," Barry said, holding a bag of ice to Magnus' black eye. Merle had offered to heal it, but he offered it in such a horny way that Magnus had to decline immediately, just on principle.

"Was that fight really necessary?" Lucretia asked. She was converting her shorthand journals from last night into something suited for formal submission. Nice handwriting and all.

"I don't think I'm going to be fighting any aliens, so yeah!" Magnus flexed and kissed one of his biceps. "Gotta get these puppies some exercise before we leave."

Lup, unable to sit on any piece of furniture like a normal person (somehow she balanced herself on the arm of the couch?), whistled long and low. "I thought the ship wasn't equipped with any weapons."

Taako (still sitting on the floor, holy shit, did the twins just...not know how to use furniture?) emitted a long whine. Was that some kind of dolphin signal? "Okay, holy shit, I'm going to go ahead and ban you from dating _anyone_ on this ship." He covered his face with his hat, screaming into it. "This is a goddamn nightmare."

"You can't tell me what to do," Lup said, grimacing at him.

"I mean, fine, sure, fair enough, but come _on."_ Taako kept his face covered, his voice muffled by the hat. _"I don't_ want to hear you and Magnus fucking. These walls seem kind of thin."

"First of all, gross." Lup rolled her eyes, pulled her knees up to her chest, perched on the arm of the couch now. "Second of all, there are spells for that, and, third, does Magnus _look_ like my type?" She gestured over to Magnus, and for a few agonizing seconds, the twins considered him.

"Guess not," Taako said, after what seemed like an eternity. "You only fuck nerds."

Barry dropped the bag of ice into Magnus' lap, scrambling to pick it back up. Taako stared at him, unimpressed, and then covered his mouth to hide a laugh.

Magnus took the ice from Barry, finally speaking up. "I'm gonna have to ask the two of you _not_ to talk about fucking me."

"Fair," the twins said, and dropped it.

"Can _I_ date someone on the ship?" Merle asked, a swarmy grin on his face.

"You can't touch my sister," Taako said, automatically.

"And you can't touch my brother," Lup said immediately after.

Magnus raised his hand. "And you can't touch me."

Merle raised his brows at Lucretia, who snorted and wrote in her journal. "I like women, so no."

"Hard pass, sorry Merle," Barry said, before Merle had time to ask.

Merle shrugged, unbothered by the mass rejection. At least he wasn't going to go after people that explicitly stated they didn't want any of that type of attention from him. The rest of the crew relaxed, hoping that was the end of the conversation. Done. Gone. But Merle caught a glint in his eye, looked around at the group, and said, "guess that just leaves the captain!"

The amount of shrieks and wails the crew emitted from the thought was enough to shatter glass.

_"GROSS!"_

"That's our  _CAPTAIN!"_

_"You're banned from the ship."_

Merle wheezed and snorted, slapping his knee like this was the funniest thing that had ever happened to him. They let him go ahead and laugh himself out. It'd be best to ignore him. Then, it became a game of chicken--whoever spoke next would probably have to suffer through one of Merle's bad jokes.

Eventually, though, Merle stopped laughing, and the room fell silent.

"Hey," Barry said, barely audible, "do you ever get the feeling that something really bad's about to happen?"

"That's just nerves, Barry." Lucretia paused, as if she was about to say something else. Instead, she ended it with, "I think."

Barry looked down at his hands, fiddling with the fabric of his pants. He wore his nice denim today. "That's what I mean. It's like--I don't know. It feels like this mission's going to go wrong."

Magnus smiled and pat Barry on the back. "Well, if we die on the ship, it'll probably be quick and painless!"

Lup kicked him. _"Magnus!"_

"It's true!" Even if Lup was the stronger twin, the kick didn't do much damage against Magnus. He was built pretty well. It stung, a little, but that was it. "I'm not a fan of wasting time worrying about shit when I can do something about it."

"The antidote to despair is action," Taako said, detached and disinterested.

Lucretia furiously wrote that down in one of her less-official journals. "That's beautiful, Taako, who said that?"

"It's a Taako original," he said, and Lup grinned in a way that told them that it was most certainly not a Taako original.

"I'm sure nothing will happen, Barry." Lucretia smiled, calm and collected.

"You're probably right," he said, but sounded unconvinced.

The fancy stone of Farspeech that hung on the wall lit up. Davenport's voice came out hurried and urgent.

"Quick question, but are all of you ready for takeoff? As in, right now?"

"I just need to grab my supply of hard candy, but I'm good," Magnus said.

"Funny, Magnus, but I'm not joking."

"Hard candy is no laughing matter, I was serious!"

Lup glared at him and spoke into the stone. "Everything okay over there?"

"There's a storm, we're not sure what it's up to." His voice came through the stone clear enough to understand, but there was a strange, static interference between words. "We want to get out before it gets any worse, wouldn't want to postpone the mission."

"I'm ready if the rest of you are," Barry said, eyeing the rest of the crew.

Lucretia nodded and stood from her seat. "It would be safer if we left now."

"Got it." Lup spoke into the stone one more time, as clearly as possible. She didn't know if the interference was on Davenport's end, too. "Captain, we're on our way."

"Thanks. See the rest of you in a few minutes."

Magnus grabbed his two months supply of hard candy, and headed out with the rest of the crew.

* * *

As the crew walked out past where the ship was, Magnus couldn't help but stare at the storm above. It was motionless, dark, and seemed to envelop the whole sky. He didn't notice how brown the grass looked, or how the reds in their jackets and robes were muted. Too focused on watching the storm and the ship. Nobody else noticed, either. Too nervous and too excited for the mission. 

A crowd of hundreds gathered around the ship. Some were members of the IPRE, some were family, some were journalists, and some were friends. Barry ran into the crowd to hug his mother. Lucretia waved to her uncle and cousins, who were farther back in the crowd. Merle and Davenport both shook a lot of hands of gnomes and dwarves, people from the clans they were born in. Lup and Taako kept their eyes on the ship. Magnus shouted a goodbye to his family. He didn't see them in the crowd, but he knew they were somewhere towards the back.

The people in the crowd who the crew didn't know were all staring up at the sky. The motionless storm suffocated the celebratory mood. Some of them watched Davenport, silently hoping he'd be able to fly through it.

Of course he would be able to. Who did they think he was?

They all boarded the ship and offered one last collective wave to the crowd below. They shouted up well wishes and congratulations.

Davenport walked into the pilot's seat as the rest of the crew stood outside. The ring in the bond engine started spinning, slow at first, and then so fast that it looked stationary. A clean whirring sound filled the space of the ship, and the ship lifted into the air. Davenport flew right into the motionless storm, past it and up out of the Material Plane.

But something went wrong as they exited the plane.

The crew saw...something. They didn't know what it was. They didn't know what to call it. But they saw a darkness seep into the Material Plane. Tendrils fly past the Starblaster, and the captain weaved through them expertly. He called the Institute to warn them, to ask if everything was okay.

Nobody answered.

After a few minutes, Davenport knew he couldn't stay for any longer. He kept flying away from the plane. The crew watched as the darkness swallowed up the Material Plane. Lucretia wrote down everything frantically. Barry, Lup, and Taako chattered on and thought of reasons _why_ this happened. Merle ran to the pilot's room and asked for an explanation. Magnus could only stare.

Once Davenport flew past the darkness, he found a void in between planes. After a quick vote from the crew, he flew inside it.

As soon as they passed into it, time stopped.

The space wobbled in a way it shouldn't have. Magnus felt his body torn apart, saw a thousand versions of himself, all expanding from a single place. And as he looked around, he saw his friends experiencing the same thing. Magnus tried to rush in and help, but he was stuck in place. Couldn't move a muscle. It didn't hurt, but being restricted wasn't a pleasant feeling, and soon enough Magnus was _panicking,_ and--

Then he wasn't stuck.

All of the crew came together and embraced, needing physical evidence that they were all _real_ and _alive._

They looked down, and saw the Material Plane in front of them. Davenport stopped piloting. At first, he decided to wait. None of the rest of the crew wanted to jump right in, either. If their world was eaten by that-- _thing,_ they weren't sure they would be safe down there. The crew huddled next to the bond engine together, still trying to contact the Institute.

It took some hours of thought, but eventually Davenport flew them down into the Material Plane. And it didn't take long for the seven of them to figure out that it wasn't the same plane they left. There was only one sun in the sky. No humans, no elves, no gnomes, no dwarves. Only animals.

Wherever they were now, their home planet was gone.

And now all they had was each other, and a hundred years of bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a shorter chapter today, but only because we're reaching the end! Can you believe there's only one chapter left??? I can't!
> 
> Thanks to everyone for their continued support!! I've had so much fun writing this, but I'm happy that it's almost completed. 
> 
> Next time, the end.


	13. Magnus Says Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus says goodbye.

Magnus woke up one day and knew it was going to be his last.

It wasn't something he mourned or dreaded. It wasn't a tragedy. He had a lot of time, more than any human should have any right to. He had died before, he knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Magnus had gotten everything he wanted done, he was ninety two (physically) and packed his entire life with adventure. His will was written out, his apprentices had inherited the Hammer and Tails. This was the end, and he made peace with that.

The only thing Magnus wanted was to see his crew.

Bonds are a funny thing. Most of the time, they're invisible. Unseen, unless something or someone truly fucked up (see: the whole Starblaster journey). But even though they aren't visible to the naked eye, they're always there. They're also like a muscle. The more they're used, the stronger they were. The crew's bonds were indescribably strong, unwavering, and solid. So, when one bird's light dimmed and threatened to cut out, the rest of them came to check.

It was barely eleven in the morning before Davenport walked through the door, bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in another.

"Morning, Magnus," he said, cautious, eyes scanning the room.

"Mornin', Capp'nport!" Magnus forced himself to sit upright. He wanted to see Davenport, so he had to seem as welcoming as possible. "Drinking already?"

"I have a feeling it's going to be a long day." Davenport pulled up a chair next to the bed. He poured out a glass of wine for himself, his eyes on the empty one next to Magnus. "Would you like one?"

"Can't. Interferes with the medicine." Magnus stared at the empty glass, suddenly very thirsty. "Might need some water later."

Davenport nodded. His eyes didn't focus on Magnus directly, and his fingers tapped the edge of the glass. A hundred years of traveling with the Captain made Magnus extremely aware of all his nervous tics. Something must have really been eating at Davenport, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

Well. Technically Magnus _was_ a rocket scientist. Sort of. His friends were.

The captain was never one to bring up his worries unprompted, so Magnus had to do a little digging. Usually, it'd be fine if he started out with general questions, and then filed down to the specifics slowly. Before Davenport could realize he was being interrogated.

"What brings you here, Captain?" he asked, which felt like an innocent enough question. Easy enough to start with.

Turned out it was a loaded question, because Davenport immediately broke out into tears.

Magnus couldn't move from his bed, but he jerked away, surprised. "Whoa-hey, what's going on?"

"Lup said--" Davenport spoke through hiccups, scrubbing his eyes with his arm. "--said that you--you were. Going soon."

"Oh." Magnus let out one long breath. Of course, he felt it coming, but it was different hearing it said out loud. He fidgeted a bit, feeling the weight of the words on his old bones. He wasn't sure how long _soon_ was, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Are you okay?"

It took a couple minutes before Davenport's tears slowed enough for him to speak. "It's fine. Everything's fine." He looked up at Magnus with a weak smile that puffed out his mustache. "It's just distressing seeing you like this."

"I'm alright, Captain." Magnus leaned as far forward as he could. "Are you?"

Davenport nodded once. "I'll be fine. It's just difficult. You're the first one to leave."

"You think it'll be easier when anyone else goes?"

"Good point." Davenport took a sip of his wine, using the time to think. "But, Magnus, you--you really held us together."

Magnus chuckled, even though it made his lungs burn. "I wouldn't say that."

"None of us would be here without you." He gestured wildly with the glass in his hand, wine sloshing around with every flick of the wrist. "I would have still gone on the mission, of course, but I wouldn't be... _here,_ I guess."

"I guess I see what you mean." Magnus paused, and then quietly added, "I wouldn't say it was all me, though."

"Ask anyone else in the crew, they'd disagree with that." Davenport turned stern, eyeing Magnus like he had gotten a bad grade on a test. "Magnus, you got everyone talking to each other. Sure, they might have stumbled together as coworkers, but when we were all together in a room with you--" Davenport hesitated, his breath catching in his throat. "--well, it felt like we were family."

Magnus stuck out his lower lip, brow creasing into a single line. "We _are_   family, Captain."

"Of course, we are _now,"_ he said, eyes lifting to the ceiling as he took in a breath, exasperated. "I meant back at the Institute."

"You all felt like family to me from the beginning. There were always bonds there." Magnus smiled, held out his hand for Davenport to touch. "Maybe that was Istus, maybe I'm just really bond sensitive and I never knew it, but--I could always feel it."

Davenport took Magnus' hand, taking in a labored, audible breath. He was trying his best not to cry again. Magnus just squeezed his hand, helping him through it.

"I'm thankful you did." Davenport drank the last of his glass and hopped off his chair. He took the unused wine glass and walked to the door. "Let me get that water for you."

"Thanks, Captain."

"No need for the formalities on your death bed, Burnsides." The captain stood at the door, smiling wide at Magnus. "It's just Davenport."

With that, Davenport left Magnus to himself. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, and didn't do anything to fight the urge. When he woke up, the sun was a little higher in the sky, and a glass of water sat by Magnus' bedside.

* * *

The door to Magnus' room opened again, but this time, Lucretia rolled in.

Lucretia was older than Magnus, but more mobile than he was. Less sick. Her hair was always white, but now it was thinner too, less curled. The wrinkles on her face showed a life of worry, although the lines near her eyes showed off a fair bit of smiling, too. She had a wheelchair that was enchanted to move on its own, so she was more independent, too. Magnus wished he had that, but he knew he'd have trouble sitting up straight for more than a couple hours.

She wheeled herself over to Magnus' bedside and laid a journal next to him.

"It's a record of all your best fights." She dusted the journal off, looking at it wistfully. "I wanted to ask if I could publish them. I'll send the proceeds to wherever you'd like."

Magnus waved his hand. "Just funnel it back into the Hammer and Tails. I'd like to see it running as long as possible."

Lucretia nodded and smiled. "I've heard business has been good. You caught some very good apprentices."

"Yeah, I like them. Both of 'em got crushes on each other. I think they're going to get married someday, can you--" Magnus' eyes jolted down to his hand, his own ring flashing up at him. "Just. Make sure they're alright."

"I will," she said, and took out a few journals. It was always funny, how she had to be writing all the time. Magnus wondered how she held herself back as the Director.

Unlike the rest of the crew, Lucretia was just as physically as old as Magnus was. She didn't baby him, or pity him. She knew what it was like to be bedridden. She knew that sometimes, all a person needed was a little company. It wasn't a great feeling to be locked in a room all day. The least she could do was visit him for extended periods of time. Even if she was journaling the whole time she was there, Magnus appreciated the company.

"You doing okay?" Magnus asked, after some silence.

"I'll manage." She wrote as she spoke, but she wasn't as fast of a multitasker in her old age. "I had a feeling you would leave before me, but I find myself unequipped to deal with this."

"Funny, you're the first person to say that." Magnus frowned, eyes towards the door. "I think everyone else is afraid."

"It's hard not to be." Lucretia stopped writing altogether, scooting her chair closer to Magnus' bedside. "You're like a brother to us, Magnus."

Magnus smiled. "I never had any siblings, but, I think you're the closest thing I have to a sister, Creesh."

"I wouldn't say that, I mean, I _was_ your boss for a year and a half, so..."

They both laughed, and then dipped back into silence. Lucretia's thumb kept flicking over the end of her pen. Magnus could tell she was nervous, but it was usually best to let her speak up first. Otherwise, she'd just hide her tells and pretend to be alright. Magnus was able to wait her out. He learned patience in his old age.

...Sort of. Did it count if he just learned patience because he was tired? Didn't matter. He'd get his results.

It took a few minutes, but she spoke up. "Magnus?"

"Yeah?"

Lucretia took in a breath, opening and closing her mouth a few times as she tried to figure out her exact wording. When she found it, she spoke quietly, like it was a secret. "Do you ever wish you did anything different?"

"That sort of thinking is dangerous, Creesh." Magnus did his best to look intimidating while bedridden. "That's what got an entire town bubbled."

Lucretia didn't answer that. She stared into space, hoping that if she didn't speak any longer, Magnus would drop the subject. Buuuull shit. He was going to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did. Which was entirely possible, given his state.

"I wouldn't have met Julia without you, you know," he said, as comforting as he could.

She didn't buy it. "Still, you could have met someone else. And she wouldn't have been taken away." Lucretia's nose wrinkled, as it always did when she was thinking destructively. "Also, no offense, but I don't know if one of my friends getting married is justification for...all the suffering that the rest of the crew had to go through."

"I don't want to think about anyone else, first of all." Magnus touched his ring again, a habit formed over many years. "And, second--sure, I guess...things didn't go right. But if you didn't voidfish our goddamn brains out, we might not have wanted to save this world. We would have just hopped to the next one." Magnus reached out for Lucretia's hand. "We all lived here for ten years before shit broke bad. There was no way any of us would have flown out of the plane after all of that. And now we're here."

"I suppose you're right." Lucretia squeezed his hand, staring off into space. "It's just very difficult not to regret my decisions."

"Yeah, I know." Magnus sat up a bit straighter, despite how hard his back protested against it. "But, Lucretia?"

"Yes, Magnus?"

"We all love you. All of us." He smiled, hoping it was reassuring. "Even if they say otherwise."

Lucretia smiled back, and threw her arms around Magnus. "I'm going to miss you, Magnus," she said, so quiet he almost didn't hear it.

"Me, too." He wrapped his arms around her, and they sat in the quiet for a long time.

* * *

Magnus was still healthy enough to portion out and take his own medicine.

He didn't enjoy his medicine, nor did he understand why he had to take it. He was at the point where he _knew_ he was gone soon. Everything was sore and old and out of repair. But, Merle insisted that he take the medicine, just to extend his time a little farther.

Suddenly, all the lights in the room turned dim, jolting Magnus in surprise. He dropped his medicine in his lap, and it rolled across the floor, forgotten. A portal tore itself open in thin air, and Lup's horrifying skeletal form floated out, along with flashes and explosions. She lit all the candles in the room with a snap of her hand, and then blew them all out as she summoned a scythe into her hands. Heatless, magical fire sprouted below her, all along Magnus' bed. He couldn't see Lup's face, but he could recognize that laugh anywhere.

"Uh, _heeey,_ Lup, what, uh--" Magnus shrank under the covers, pulling them up to his nose. "What brings you here?"

"I'm _coming for your soul!!!"_ She brandished her scythe and held it over his bed. She didn't do anything, though--just laughed and let her scythe disappear into smoke after a moment. She floated over to the edge of her bed, and then her skin knit together. The bed dipped where she sat, her weight became solid. "Actually, nah, that's not me. Ghost Rider's taking you past the plane barrier, and then somewhere special afterward. I'm just here to say hi."

Magnus relaxed. "Didn't think that coming for an old man would be on the top of your priority list."

Lup snapped her fingers, and her death ledger appeared in the air in front of her, pages flipping on their own. "Well, not usually, but since you've died--" She stuck out her tongue and placed a finger on a page, reading its contents. She laughed. _"Holy shit, Magnus!_ Thirty times? Not all of that was on the ship, was it? That doesn't sound right."

"A bunch of it was in Refuge."

"Oh, makes sense." Lup closed the book and let it disappear into thin air. She scooted up farther on the bed. "Anyway, since you've died thirty times, we just want to make sure you get past the barrier alright. Don't want any confused souls running around."

"Gotcha."

"Are you... _good?"_ Lup smiled, big and forced, through grit teeth. "Because, honestly, if you need a little more time, I might be able to get it for you."

"No, Lup, I'm good." Magnus laid his head back onto his pillow, staring at the ceiling. "I've got someone I'd like to see. I don't know if it works that way, but--"

"It'll work that way for you." Lup stood up and smiled over at Magnus. "I could--I could barely stand being separated from Barry for ten years, I don't know how you lasted this long."

"Well, if she found out I was being reckless to try and see her quicker, she'd kill me."

Lup laughed so hard her whole body shook. Magnus waited for her to cry, but she didn't. This wasn't something to be sad over. She straightened herself up and walked towards the door. "I'm gonna go check and see if everything's in order. See you later?"

Magnus reached out to her, as much as he could in his limited position. "Hey, wait, Lup."

She paused at the door. "Yeah?"

"I feel like we didn't hang out enough," he said, large puppy-dog eyes and a quivering lip. It was bullshit, he knew--he had trouble containing his laughter--but he wanted to see if she'd offer to 4/20 blaze it in the afterlife with him.

"You're full of shit, Burnsides." Lup's nose wrinkled. "I'm not letting you touch my Astral weed."

"Ah, shit." Magnus slapped his knee. "Worth a try!"

"Actually, there _was_ one more thing." Lup walked over to him again, a fond smile on her face. "Thanks, Magnus. For--for taking care of my brother when I couldn't. And for--" She stopped, grasping for a good way to phrase her words. "And for letting us be two different people."

"Yeah," Magnus said, swallowing the lump of tears that were coming up, "of course. You're a lot radder than Taako, can't even put you in the same category."

Lup scrubbed her eyes with her forearm and cursed. "And--thanks for fucking up my one chance to get my fifteen dollars back."

Now it was Magnus' turn to laugh. "Yeah, blame it on me, and not the guy that decided to let a swarm of locusts loose in a casino."

"Fair." Lup reached for the door. "See you soon."

Magnus decided he didn't need the medicine anymore.

* * *

After being stuck in bed for so long, Magnus became hyperaware of any sound beyond the walls of his room. He could hear every creak in the floorboards, every person that hesitated before opening the door to greet him.

He didn't need to be hyperaware to hear the screaming and fighting on the other side.

There was a good two or three minutes of tussling before Taako was forcibly pushed into the room by his sister. Magnus heard the door lock from the other side. Taako cursed out loud, ran a hand through his hair, and then turned and locked eyes with Magnus.

Immediately, he fixed his posture and leaned on the door, acting cool and aloof like he wasn't extremely bothered by this whole situation. He pulled up a chair and sat next to Magnus, acting like everything was fine. Didn't say much, just sat there. Magnus thought he should say something, but Taako eventually found his words and beat him to it.

"Magnus, I have something very important to tell you."

"Anything, Taako," he said, and meant it. Really meant it. He knew his death would hit Taako a bit harder than the rest of the crew. Anything Taako needed to get off his chest, he'd listen to.

Taako looked out the window, wistful and quiet. "Remember when we were young and stupid, and really horny for alien dicks?"

"I think you were the one fixated on the dick of the alien." Magnus rolled his eyes. Of course, it was normal for Taako to deflect like this. He figured he should just go along with it until Taako said what was actually on his mind. "I just wanted to kiss one."

"Whatever." He scooted his chair up, leaning up close to Magnus. This was serious. "Anyway, I'm just here to brag: I've sucked the same alien's dick for sixty years."

Magnus stayed silent, because how the _FUCK_ was he supposed to react to that? Taako watched him through a shit-eating grin. Fuck. He did that on purpose, didn't he? Could he not take _anything_ seriously?

Eventually, though, Magnus _had_ to speak up. "Taako?"

"Yes?"

"Gross," he said, because it was. Taako loved it, slapped his knee while he laughed his ass off. Magnus continued, "you can't just _say_ that to me! I don't want to hear about two of my close friends _fucking!"_

Taako doubled over in laughter, the joke dissipating the tension between them in an instant. It was replaced by the awkward "oh shit, try your best not to think about a relative having sex" tension, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

"There's one thing I want you to do before I go," Magnus said, in the sagest, oldest voice he could muster.

Taako came down from his fit of laughter, reading the serious tone in Magnus' voice. "Sure. Yeah. Anything." He acted a lot more reverent to the moment than Magnus expected him to, but that was for the best. He was about to ask for a really, really important favor.

"Punch me."

"Wh--no, I'm not going to _punch_ you, dumbass, you're--" He wheezed, holding back laughter before yelling. "Okay, listen, in human years? You're old as shit. In elf time? You're a baby. I'm not--I'm not punching an old man and a baby _simultaneously!"_

"Taako--"

"That's some next level evil villain shit!"

"I punched you when we were in the Institute together, and you were _way_ weaker than I was."  Magnus held a firm grip on Taako's arm, speaking urgently. "Now is the only time when I'll ever be weaker than you."

"First of all, rude, second of all? I'm not trying to get _even!"_ He stood up, pacing wildly around the room. "That happened, like, two hundred years ago, do you think that matters to me at all?"

"It matters to me," he said, and meant it.

Taako didn't have an answer to that, just stared at him.

"Please, Taako?"

He grumbled, cursed, and then walked back over to Magnus' bedside. "Can I do it in the arm?"

Magnus grinned. "No, the face."

"You motherfucker. You're really making me do this?" Taako tugged at all of the rings on his hand and threw them on Magnus' bedside table. "Fine, but I'm taking all my rings off."

Magnus winced when he saw how jeweled and gaudy some of them were. Those would have hurt. "Oh--oh, geez, I thought that was a given, but, okay."

"So, what, do I need to give you a warning, or?" Taako waved his hand in the air and his wrist popped--was that how he thought stretching worked? No wonder he almost failed physical education.

"Just do it." Magnus closed his eyes. "I'm ready."

But no punch came. Magnus opened one eye and saw Taako pacing, staring at his own closed fist. Oh, so he just needed a moment to...figure it out? He looked at his fist like he had just seen it for the first time. Did he know how to make a melee strike? Once Magnus closed his eyes again, though, he felt a fist ram right under his left eye, aimed for the cheek but missed by a few centimeters.

It wasn't--it wasn't bad. Magnus was old, so it hurt a lot, but it didn't hurt as much as he thought. It was like a child punched him. He wouldn't even bruise there.

Taako stepped backwards and rubbed his knuckles, nervous. "How--was that? Are you happy? That satisfy your--fuckin'--morbid deathbed curiosity?"

"You're really not cut out for anything other than magic, aren't you?" He rubbed the sore spot below his eye. Maybe he _would_   get a bruise there. "It was fine, Taako. Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Taako watched Magnus, looked at the complete sincerity in his eyes, and found himself unprepared for that level of honesty. He made a face that Magnus only saw during the cycles Lup died, and then ran towards the door. "I've gotta go."

"Wait, Taako--"

Taako cast Knock on the door, let himself out, and shut it without hearing Magnus' goodbye.

* * *

Not long after, Merle waddled into the room.

He didn't ever do much healing, even if he knew how. During their journey, death wasn't the end of everything. He'd do some first aid for easily cured ailments, but if someone got a spear through their gut, sometimes it was just better to put them out of their misery and greet them warmly the next year. When he had lost his memory, he also lost a lot of his training. But today, he had his medic's bag from the Starblaster, still looking fairly new. It only got light usage over one hundred years.

"Oh, hello, _doctor,"_   Magnus said, holding back a laugh.

"Don't give me that!" He set the medic's bag on Magnus' bedside table. "Goddamn brat."

"Are you going to give me a Werther's when we're all done?"

"Shut up!" Magnus opened the bag up, taking out supplies and medicines. "Heard you stopped taking your medicine, kid."

"Well, yeah. Don't see much use in it." Magnus let out a breath. Even doing something that simple became extremely difficult as the day passed. "Did you get sent in here to bully me into it?"

"Nah, I thought I'd bring you something different." Merle twisted the cap off of a bottle of pills he took out. "It just...makes things a little easier."

Magnus wrinkled his nose at it. "It's not poison, is it?"

"No, just a shit-ton of painkillers, he said, winking and then laughing.

"Oh _hell yeah!"_ Magnus made some grabby-arms towards them, which made his joints creak. _Damn,_ being old sucked.

"Not all at once, you moron!" Merle held the bottle defensively against his chest. "I didn't know how long this was gonna take, so I brought a few days' worth."

Magnus just gestured to himself. "That's optimistic."

Merle laughed and slapped his knee. "I'll say! You look like shit."

"Okay, _thanks,"_ he said, suddenly embarrassed of his state of being.

"Oh, I'm just messin' with 'ya." Merle waved a hand in front of his own face, showing off his wrinkles and scars. "I'm just as beat up as you are at this point."

"I think I'm a little worse than you." Magnus' hand went to touch the long scar over his eye. It looked different in his old age, now that his skin was loose and old. "It's still weird that I look older than you now."

"Well, I'd say it's not so bad." Merle watched Magnus closely, not speaking for a few moments. He dug into the medical bag and pulled out a little hand mirror. "I want you to look at somethin'."

"That's a mirror," he said, stating the obvious.

"Sure is! But first, take a look at my face." Merle sat up uncomfortably close to Magnus and pointed his cheek towards him. "I spent a lot of time being...unhappy, I guess. I got these creases on my forehead, and they're not the kind you get from smilin'. And, sure, I'm happy now, but I went through a lot of bad years. At Pan camp, shit with my dad, and then all of that-- _arranged marriage_   after I lost my memory." He pinched Magnus' cheek and held up the mirror to his face. "But look at all of yours! You got--lots'a wrinkles all up next to your eyes and around your mouth. That means you had a good run."

Magnus took the mirror, noticing how the creases in his face deepened when he smiled. It was nice to see the proof of how happy his life was, right on his face. He was satisfied with that. Magnus lowered the mirror, and saw Merle, still watching his face. Must have been thinking about something.

"Hey, Merle?"

"What is it?"

"You've got some pretty deep creases around the eyes, too," he said, and that must have hit right on the money--Merle recoiled a little at the words.

But then, he relaxed and smiled. "Yeah. They're a bit more recent, though." Merle took the mirror out of Magnus' hands. "You kids had a lot to do with it."

"Thanks, Merle."

"Yeah." He laid a painkiller in Magnus' hands. "You able to take this yourself, or do I gotta close your jaw shut until you swallow it?"

Magnus rolled his eyes and took the pill. "I'm not a dog, Merle."

"Hard to tell sometimes!" Merle laughed, slapping his knee so hard that it would leave a bruise later. He puffed out a breath and looked Magnus directly in the eyes. "Now, that should last you until the end. Makes it a little less painful."

"I've died before, Merle, I know how to handle myself."

"No use in doing it the hard way." Merle closed his medic's bag. "Anything else I can do?"

"I think I'm good." Magnus watched as Merle turned on his heels to leave the room, but caught his attention before he could open the door. "Merle?"

Merle looked over his shoulder at Magnus. "Yeah, kid?"

"I've always wondered: how'd you get on the mission if you were such a shitty cleric?"

"I lied my ass off," he said, and grinned. "And healing is more than just medicine, y'know? It's a good bedside manner."

"Well, then I guess that means you're the best cleric in the universe." Magnus nodded once, acknowledging Merle. "Thanks for taking care of us."

"Don't mention it."

And Merle walked out of the room.

* * *

"Hey," Barry said, phasing through the door with his cool ghost powers. "Looks like we both got a lot more time than we thought we'd have."

"You more than I did." Magnus gestured to himself. Barry didn't age anymore, and even though he wasn't a young guy, he looked like a baby compared to Magnus.

"Well. Perk of the job, I guess?" Barry fiddled with his glasses, nervous to walk all the way into the room. "If--if you want to, I could probably put in a good word for you--"

"Nah, I'm good." Magnus slipped his wedding ring off his finger and clasped it in between his hands. "Got everything I wanted done."

Barry smiled and sat down next to Magnus' bed. "Wish I could'a met her." He paused. "I mean, I technically can--she's--uh, y'know, in my jurisdiction."

"You would have liked her," he said, smiling. Magnus laid his head against the pillow, remembering all he could. "Did I tell you that we got into a fistfight when we first met?"

"No way!" Barry burst into laughter that was mostly wheezes and snorts. "There's no helping either of us, is there?"

Magnus glared at him, with all the disappointment an old man could show in his face. "You can't compare me to you, it took you fifty years to get moving with Lup."

"It would have been awkward before, we had kind of a rocky start." Barry shook his head. "God, I used to rank her and Taako, even when I thought they were the same person--who the hell does that?"

"We didn't know them very well. They can both be asses when they really want to." Magnus grinned. "It's an acquired taste."

"Fuck, it sure is. Do you remember when Lup stole my research?" Barry leaned his chin on his fist, elbow secured on the bedside table. "She gave it to the higher-ups in my name, but still. Lost so much sleep over it."

Magnus just smiled, watching Barry's face as he went through his own memories. It was sweet, he thought. Nice that he could leave his friends in such a good place. He wouldn't have to worry about them.

"I--I shouldn't be thinking so hard on this, sorry," Barry said, suddenly embarrassed. He sat up straight in his seat, shoulders pinned back. "All it is now is a funny story."

"Well, it's a lot more than that." Magnus held his hand out, and Barry took it. "You've got a lot more time with Lup than I ever had with Julia. It's important to hold onto...those times when things weren't all together yet. It's nice to think back on them when you're separated."

Barry nodded once. He looked over his shoulder. "Don't let anyone know I told you this, but..."  He leaned in close, just enough so Magnus could hear. "You're going to get some more time with Julia, too."

"That's a relief." Magnus let out a very labored breath. "Thank you, Barry. That makes this easier."

"Kravitz didn't want me ruining the surprise, but. You've gone long enough not knowing what's at the end." Barry clasped his hands tighter over Magnus', looking him directly in the eye. "Magnus, thank you. It's been an honor to have you as a friend. Even when--even when you didn't remember me, you still--trusted me, towards the end, there." He let go of Magnus, his hands settling into his lap. "I don't know if we could have pulled that off if you didn't."

"I just had a feeling." Magnus fiddled with the ring in his hands. "And a piece of paper that told me I was a red robe, so, I kind of cheated."

"You did," he said, and chuckled, "but I think maybe bonds had to do with it, too."

"And Istus," Magnus added.

Barry's nose scrunched up. "When did you get so religious?"

"When did you?" he asked. "Went from raising the dead to jailing them."

"It's a good job." Barry stood up, patting Magnus on the shoulder one last time. "I'll visit you."

"That'd be great, Barry. Thanks."

Magnus drifted off to sleep before Barry left the room. 

* * *

Soon enough, Magnus felt a sharp pang in his chest, and before he had a chance to complain about it, the room was full. Davenport stood at the end of his bed, and Lucretia wheeled her chair over to next to him. Angus, the smooth jazz man that he grew into, tried his very best not to look upset. Carey had her hands around Magnus', which held his wedding ring. She kept telling him it was okay, and he believed her. As long as he had his friends--his _family--_ he knew it would be alright. 

He saw Davenport smile warmly and place a hand on his leg.

He saw Lucretia writing down the scene with one hand and wiping her eyes with the other.

He saw Lup, smiling, knowing that he'd be fine on the other side.

He saw Taako, who was trying his best to keep it together.

He saw Merle, a little too close to the ficus by the window.

He saw Barry, waving goodbye, but not for the last time.

He had his hundred years with them. He had sixty more, once they won their peace. They had their time together, and once it was over, Magnus accepted it. It was bittersweet. He saw his family blur out, getting less and less defined. Their words of encouragement and goodbyes sounded farther and farther away.

And, soon enough, the world faded out in the most familiar way.

When he was younger, Magnus had died from dozens of different things. Eaten by a dragon. Pushed off a cliff. Inhaled deadly fungus spores. Cleft in twain. Devoured by the Hunger. And when he lost his memory, he assumed he would die in some blaze of glory.

But, without a question, dying surrounded by friends and family and then immediately escorted to an island where he could live with his alien wife, and kiss her as much as he wanted?

That was the best death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's OVER!!!
> 
> thanks so much to everyone for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! this was supposed to be a silly little thing i wrote for fun, but then it got really big! but now it's done. thanks for sticking around! 
> 
> my tumblr is fantasysamsclub if anybody wants to Scream at me. i've still got a lot of fics in the works, so make sure to stick around!
> 
> thank you!!


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